More To Me Than You
by Blou97
Summary: Bella thought she knew what was best, she thought she had it all figured out. Edward had betrayed her, broken her heart. She left to pursue her dream, to become the person she thought she wanted to be. Lemons
1. Ready as I'll ever be

I Don't own Twilight, wish I did but I don't….bummer.

~I have to give credit to where credit is due: All music I mention in this story was not written by me, performed by me or anyone I now personally. Just having a little fun with it… Hope you enjoy~

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BPOV

'Breath Bella, you can do this, it's just like any other time, doing what you love most.

"Ugh, thanks Ben, I don't know what I would do without you these past few days., well few years to be exact huh?" Here I was, Isabella Swan, Bella to my friends, Izzy to my fans. I don't get nervous, but for some reason this time, this time is much harder. See, I am going home, home to Forks, Washington. A place I never thought I would have to go back to, a place I swore I'd never return, the place where I left my heart.

"You know Bella, it's going to be ok, I mean, its been what? Two years since you been back, or even talked to any of them. What makes you think they are still here? I know you don't want to come back here, but your record is coming out soon and this is part of the deal, you go back to your home town to push the record, its good publicity babe, it'll be ok. Plus, he probably don't remember you anyways."

_Flashback_

_2 years ago~_

"_Hey love, which shirt looks better, the blue or green one? " Edward, my Edward. I can't remember a day that went by that I didn't love that man. He was my everything, friend, lover, the person I could talk to about anything, but most of all, he was mine, and mine alone, or so I thought._

"_Ummm the blue one looks better, but then again you look damn good in anything you wear". It was true, Edward was a God. We were getting ready to go meet with some record producers about singing me to their label. I had been waiting for this my entire life. I wanted to sing, to perform. On the outside I was a little shy, but on stage I felt free, felt that I could be anyone I wanted to be. He walked up behind me as I was trying to put my makeup on. "Why do you wear that stuff? You look beautiful without it." He started to kiss down my neck and gently tugged on my earlobe with his beautiful mouth._

"_Edward, we don't have time for this, we really have to get going, we are going to be late". _

"_We always have time Bella, always". He slipped the straps of my bra down my arms, I looked at him in the mirror in front of me, he had that panty dropping smirk on his face. He turned me around and lifted me up onto the counter in our bathroom. "Edward….what are you doing?" "Just making sure you are ready to go", he slipped his had inside my panties sliding his fingers into my aching core. "Yup, you're ready". He lifted me off the counter and carried me to our bed and laid me down on the edge. He dropped to his knees between by thighs. "God Bella you are amazing, I love that I make you so wet, I also love that I can make you cum." He started to kiss my thighs and made his was down to my center. He sat back and slipped my panties over by knees and threw them behind him. "I'm wanna taste that sweet pussy of yours". He bent down and licked my from by center to my bundle of nerves, "Ughhh Edward that feels so good".. "Tell me how good it feels Bella, tell me how it feels." _

"_Ungh. God .Edward..don't stop… please don't stop that feels amazing. I love it when you fuck me with your tongue". "That's it love, cum for me," He sucked on my clit and slid two fingers in me, pumping them in and out, I came hard, all over his hand and gorgeous face.. He kissed his way up my body until he reached my mouth, kissing me with so much passion I almost lost my breath._

" _God Bella, I love you, I love you so much it hurts." He was hovering above me, confessing his love to me, about to make love to me, and I couldn't hold it in any longer, I should have waited, let this happen one last time, but I couldn't, I had to say it…… "Edward? Who is Tanya?"_

_End of Flashback_

"Bella, Bella wake up, we're here" I must have fallen asleep, I had worked myself up over this trip, to say that I haven't slept lately is an understatement. "When are we landing?" In about 15 minutes, are you ready for the crowd?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."


	2. Speechless

**Once again, I don't own Twilight **

**BPOV**

"**Ben, how do these people know who I am? My album isn't even out yet??"**

"**Bells you are about to become a hit, word got around that you were coming home so of course they want to get a shot of an upcoming superstar!" He said this with a little too much enthusiasm if you ask me. But of course, no one did.**

**The paparazzi was brutal. Calling out my name, "Izzy, how does it feel to be home?" "Hey Izzy how is LA treating you?" It was Izzy this and Izzy that. I ignored them, just walked with my head down, avoiding their stares, the flashing light bulbs, it was insane.**

**I finally made it to my hotel without any hitches. Which comes as a surprise to me because everyone knows how big of a klutz I am. When I was younger I made many trips to the ER, they used to joke and said I should be added to their payroll because the nurses and doctors learnt how to do many procedures on me, I was their walking disaster.**

**I walked into the bathroom of my suite. Wow this place was awesome. Jacuzzi tub big enough to fit at least 3 people, a walk in shower with several showerheads. I could get used to this. Maybe this trip wouldn't be so bad after all. Considering I was going to be living here for a week I may as well take advantage of it.**

_**Beep beep beep…**_

**I pulled my cell out of my pocket. It was Ben.**

_**Hey Bells, we have to be at Twilight at 5:30 PM for sound check. You go on at 9. Let me know if there is anything that you need?**_

**Ha, anything that I need? Well lets see, how about a time machine so I can go back and fix up my screwed up life. **

_**Flashback**_

"_**Edward, who is Tanya?"**_

"_**Love, um, we are in the middle of something here, can't we talk about this later?" He dropped his head down and tried to kiss my lips, **_

"_**No Edward, we can't". I said pushing Edward off me and wrapping the bed sheet around my naked body. He had this look on his face, a look I have never seen before and it scared me.**_

"_**Edward, I asked you a question, who the hell is Tanya:?" **_

"_**She's an old family friend Bella, I've known her all my life. Tanya was my best friend until you came along.. Why, why do you ask?"**_

"_**Because Edward, because I saw you kissing her, the night of Alice and Jasper's engagement party, behind the pool house. Why Edward? Huh? Was I not good enough for you? Did I not make you happy?"**_

"_**Bella it wasn't what it looked like, I promise. You have to believe me"**_

"_**Believe you, after the first time I thought you said you had changed. I thought you loved me Edward. I gave my everything to you, my heart, my fucking virginity and this is how you show your LOVE for me.?"**_

"_**Bells…"**_

"_**Don't you fucking call me that, only those who actually love me have that privilege"**_

"_**Why the hell are you bringing this up now? The party was 3 weeks ago? Why not talk to me before then. You have to believe me Bella…"**_

"_**Save it Edward. I was going to tell you but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I love you Edward, please know that, but I WILL NOT be second place to her. I know she is your friend, but I can't do this anymore." **_

_**I got out of bed and ran into the bathroom. I violently threw up , my life, my Edward, all the heartache he has caused me, I was done. **_

_**End of flashback**_

**Ben told me they were sending a car for me to go to sound check. I grabbed my bags and decided to just get ready at the club. I normally don't do this but I didn't feel like having to come back here and then head right back again. **

**I couldn't decide what I wanted to wear. I choose a pair of black skinny jeans, a pair of ballet flats and royal blue off the shoulder blouse. Yeah, this would work, who did I have to impress anyways, My love life consisted of my trusty rabbit and detachable showerhead. **

**I made it to the club in good time. They were setting up my gear. I didn't have a band, it was just me, my mic and guitar. Just how I wanted it to be.**

"**Hey Bells, this is Jacob Black, the photographer I mentioned to you earlier. He was in town early and wanted to know if he could get a few shots of you performing tonight. Is that cool with you?" "Yeah Ben that won't be a problem."**

**I turned to Jacob, " Hi, I'm Izzy, well Bella Swan to be exact. It's nice to meet you." Wow, he was gorgeous, tall, russet skinned, built. By the time I snapped out of it I realized he had been talking to me this entire time. "Oh shit Jacob, I'm sorry, spaced out there for a minute. What were you saying"**

"**Oh, um. I was just saying it was nice to meet you and I look forward to working with you."**

"**Me too." Me too, I thought to myself. Maybe this trip was exactly what I needed. I haven't been on a date for months. My last date, Mike, he ended up being a prick. Only wanted to get in my pants, that was so not going to happen. When I turned him down, he called me a whore and said I was nothing to him. Ha, what an ass.**

"**So Izzy.."**

"**Please Jacob, call me Bella, all my friends do."**

"**Ok..so Bella, what will you be performing tonight?"**

"**I don't know honestly. I have a few songs that I have been kicking around. I might try them out tonight, see how the crowd likes them. I usually just play whatever comes to me ya know?"**

"**Sure sure." Jacob said as he gave me a wide grin. I haven't seen a smile like that since…Edward.**

"**Hey Jacob, you're from around here yeah? Do you know if the Cullen's still live here?" **

" **I'm not sure. I've heard of them a few times. Alice Cullen is a designer so I've heard of her, but I'm not sure about any others. Why you ask?"**

"**Oh, no reason, just some people I used to know. You know, "back in the day"." I said this trying to make light of the situation. To not let Jacob see me break down. I haven't cried over Edward Cullen in months,.**

**Ben came around the corner. "Ok Bells, its time for the sound check. They have 90 minutes cut out for your show. You can perform the full time, take breaks, they said they are pretty flexible with whatever you want to do. This is a new club so the bar will be packed. Sound good? "**

"**Yeah Ben, sound good, let's get this show on the road."**

**EPOV**

"**Edddwarrrd!! Edward get your ass up out of bed. We are heading to Emmett's bar tonight, they have this new singer, she' supposed to be the new thing. I don't want to miss it. We are leaving in 2 hours Edward, you better be ready to go." Damn pixie.**

**I opened up my eyes, taking in my surroundings, I rolled over and felt a body move beside me. Tanya, how could I forget. She was beautiful, long blond hair, legs that wrapped about by waist, and tits that were…ugh, I was getting hard just thinking about her. **

"**Hey Eddie" she said as she wiggled her hips into my growing erection.**

"**Morning baby, how do you feel?" **

"**After last night I feel great.", she turned around so she was facing me, running her hands across my stomach.**

"**Ready for your proper wake up call?" "**

"**Oh Eddie, I thought you'd never ask." She rolled on top of me, straddling my hips. I looked up at her face and she was biting on her bottom lip.**

**Instantly Bella flashed in my head. My Bella used to do that, used to bit that lip when she was horny. I could always tell when she was because she bit that damn lip and I couldn't help myself by ravish her in any way possible. **

"**STOP. Just stop it Tanya, get off of me." **

"**But Eddie, I thought you wanted me?"**

"**I did…I do… I, I just don't know anymore Tanya." **

"**It's her again isn't it? Something I did made you think of her. What was it this time Edward? Huh? Was it the was I straddled you hips, the way I moaned your name? Tell me you son of a bitch, how did that little whore come between us this time?" **

" **Get up Tanya, you need to leave. NOW. " She stood up and grabbed her clothes. Before she walked out the door she turned to me. **

"**You know Edward, for someone so smart you sure are dumb. I put up with your shit ever since she left. I was there to help you get though this. I was the one who held you at night when you couldn't sleep because she wasn't beside you. It was ME Edward, I didn't break your heart. She did. I just hope you realize that I am not the bad guy." With that she left. **

**I sunk back down on the bed. "Hey Bro, what's up with Tanya leaving in a hurry? Isn't she going out with us tonight to Twilight?"**

"**I don't know Em, I don't think Tanya likes me very much right now."**

_**Flashback**_

_**2 years ago**_

_**It was the day of Bella's big break. We were going to meet with some producers regarding a possible contract for Bella. She had wanted to sing all her life. She had the most beautiful voice I ever heard. **_

_**I was going to make this a night Bella would never forget. I was going to propose to her. It was only a few weeks ago that I finally realized that I didn't want to go another day without her knowing I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. She was my everything, my best friend, my lover, but most of all, she was mine. Or at least I thought.**_

_**We were about to make love, I was confessing my love to her and she just stopped. She had this look on her face like she was conflicted about something. Then it happened.**_

"_**Edward? Who is Tanya?"**_

_**What. The. Fuck.**_

_**Tanya, Tanya fucking Denali. She was an old family friend. We'd been friends since we were little kids. **_

_**Bella began to tell me how she saw Tanya and I kissing at Alice and Jasper's engagement party.**_

_**I tried to tell her that it wasn't what it looked like. To tell her that Tanya meant nothing to me, but she wouldn't listen. **_

_**I tried to explain to her, to tell her what really happened that night. She just got up from the bed and ran into the bathroom. I heard her getting sick in there, I desperately wanted to go in there and comfort her, to just hold her. **_

"_**Bella, Bella love, please open the door. We need to talk." Nothing.**_

"_**Bella, you can't stay in there forever, please come out." Nothing.**_

_**I decided the best thing to do was to let he cool off. I knew I had messed up. When Bella and I first started dating we went to a party and I kissed Jessica Stanley. Bella was pissed, I told her that I was sorry and that I was drunk and didn't know how I ended up in that situation in the first place. She forgave me, said she understood but made me promise I would never put myself in the situation again. I promised her I wouldn't. **_

_**And here I was, breaking the heart of the one person I loved the most. I am such an ass.**_

_**End of Flashback**_

_**We were on our way to the club. Emmett had opened Twilight only a few months ago. Business was going good. He always seemed to book the up and coming stars. According to Em, this Izzy was from around here. I laughed to myself, Izzy huh? Wouldn't it be crazy it this was Bella? Nah, she wouldn't come back here. No one has heard from her in years.**_

"_**Come on Edward, get your head out of your ass and find a seat." Rosalie was walking towards the front of the stage. "Hey Rose, let's stay towards the back, I don't feel like getting stomped on" Alice said looking at me. **_

"_**What is it Alice? Why are you looking at me like that?" **_

"_**Oh nothing dear brother, nothing at all"**_

_**Em came up to us from backstage. "Hey guys, are you ready for the show? I think you all will be surprised at how good she is." **_

_**He gave Alice a goofy grin and walked up on stage.**_

"_**Ok ok everyone, I know that you all are excited for girl that is about to perform. As you know, her new album is being released in a few short months but she has kindly agreed to give us a few copies for those who would like to purchase it early. On that note, are you ready?? Give it up for Izzy…….."**_

_**She walked on stage and took a seat on the stool. **_

_**I felt four pair of eyes looking at me.**_

_**I was speechless. I couldn't look away. No, it couldn't be. Could it? **_

_**Izzy was my Bella**_

"_**Hey Eddie!" Fuck, Tanya.**_

"_**What is wrong with everyone? What are you all…." She looked up at the stage.**_

"_**Oh you have GOT to be kidding me." Tanya was now looking at me, looking to get some sort of response out of me.**_

_**I couldn't talk, I didn't know what to do. Deep down I always knew my heart belonged to Bella, and I knew that Tanya was part of the reason she was no longer in my life. But Tanya was in my life, always has been. **_

_**We were just friends at first, and then that night at Alice and Jasper's engagement party, Tanya told me she had feeling for me. I didn't know what to do. I tried to tell her that we couldn't be anything more than friends but she wasn't having that. **_

_**That was when she kissed me. **_

_**I didn't react at first, I was in shock. Tanya and I had known each other since we were little kids. I didn't see her in that way. I tried to push her off. **_

_**When I finally got Tanya off of me I ran to find Bella. **_

_**I saw Rose and asked her if she's seen Bella. "Yeah she went into the house to help Esme"**_

_**I ran into the house. I had all intentions of telling Bella about Tanya.**_

_**When I walked into the house I saw Bella sitting at the table talking to Esme. They looked like they were in the middle of a deep conversation so I didn't want to bother them. I knew that I should tell her about Tanya but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Maybe I am a coward for not wanting to, but I didn't want her to get the wrong idea. I didn't want Tanya, I wanted her and no one else.**_

_**Now here I am, sitting with Tanya and my family, listening to the most beautiful voice I have ever heard.**_

_**Did she know we were here? Wait a minute, Emmett, he had to of known. He booked these acts didn't he?**_

"_**Em, did you know about this?"**_

"_**No dude, I swear, James books all the acts, he just said this chick was really good and told me to trust him. I didn't know it was Bella until I went backstage to welcome her to Twilight. She freaked man. I didn't think she was going to go on."**_

"_**Did you tell her I was here?"**_

"_**Not specifically, I just told her the whole gang was here. I think that made it worse for her though. I should have just kept by trap shut."**_

"_**She's still hot. Owww Rosie, why did you do that for? Its not a lie, look at her."**_

"_**You just don't know when to shut up Emmett that's all." Rose gave Em a slap to the back of the head.**_

_**What was I going to do. Should I talk to her? Could I talk to her? I haven't seen her in years. **_

"_**Eddie, I want to go home. I don't want to be here anymore. Will you please take me?" Tanya interrupted my thoughts. God what was I going to do about Tanya? We weren't really together together. Sure we shared a bed sometimes but we weren't boyfriend/girlfriend.**_

"_**Didn't you drive here Tanya?" Leave it to Alice.**_

"_**Umm Tanya, I really don't wanna leave right now. And besides, Alice is right, you did drive here."**_

_**She huffed. "Fine, I will just leave. I don't wanna be here anyhow." With that, she was gone. But not before she lent down and kissed me, a little too long for my liking.**_

_**When she finally broke away, I looked at the stage and right into the eyes of Bella Swan.**_

_**I was so fucked.**_


	3. I'm Still Gonna Fly

Nope, still don't own it.

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BPOV

Sound check went really well. I was actually excited about going on tonight. I have played these little bars in a few states so I knew what to look forward to. Now don't get be wrong, I still get a nervous before I go on stage. To calm myself down I decided I needed some fresh air.

As I was getting ready to walk out of my dressing room I ran into a wall. Well it was more of a body of some sort but whatever or whomever it was, it was pretty damn hard.

"Umpf…oh my god I am so sor…Emmett?" No it couldn't be.

"Bells?" He had a look of confusion across his face.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I said to him trying to look anywhere but at his face.

"I was about to ask you the same thing." He said back with a smug look.

"Umm, I'm about to perform, you know, go on stage."

"No Izzy is about to go on. Oh shit, you are Izzy?" Now he looked even more confused.

"Yup, that's me. Stage name of course. So what brings you here.?"

"I own the place. Twilight is my bar.?" He kept looking down the hallway towards the crowd, like he was nervous about something.

"You know Em, I am the one who supposed to be nervous, not you." I said with a laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah yeah, it's just the gang is here and I don't know how they are going to react seeing you Bells. I mean, no one has heard from you in years and all of the sudden here you are. What the hell happened to you anyways, why did you leave?"

I looked up at him. "I don't think this is the time or place to discuss this. But please believe me when I said I had my reasons."

"Ok Bella, I won't force you to talk about it, but please know that we all missed you. And when I saw all, I mean everyone, including Edward."

Yeah I bet he did, I thought to myself.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Oh shit, I guess I said that out loud. "Um, well look at the time, I guess I better get ready. Hey Em it was really good seeing you, I um, really it was, I'm sure I will see you after the show right?"

With that I turned and walked away as fast as I could.

Now I was nervous, no, I was scared shitless. When Emmett said the whole gang was here did that include Edward. I'm sure it did, when did they ever go out without each other.

This was going to be a long night.

I heard Emmett on state getting ready to introduce me. I am sure by now he has already told them I am here and they all probably have left. I don't blame them. I haven't talked to any of them in years.

_Flashback_

_After I left our apartment I went to see my dad. I didn't know what to do anymore. I needed to talk to somebody about this, but I didn't know who to go to._

_I walked into the house and called out for Charlie._

"_Dad?? Are you home?' I tried to sound strong but my voice wasn't having that._

"_Bells, are you ok? What's wrong?" He came up to me and wrapped him arm around my shoulder. I knew this made him uncomfortable._

"_I need to leave dad. "_

"_What you just got here." _

"_No, I mean, I need to leave, leave Forks for a while."_

"_What about Edward, your job?"_

"_I'm not with Edward anymore." and with that I broke down with uncontrollable sobs._

"_Oh Bella, what happened, do I need to get my gun ?"_

"_No dad,, I just need to get away. I think I am going to visit Angela in LA. I already called her and she said that won't be a problem. I promise dad I will be fine and I will call you once I get there. I just wanted to come say goodbye before I left."_

"_You know Bella, whatever happened between you and Edward is your business, but I know how much you love him and how much he loves you. Are you sure this is it? You really want to leave?"_

"_Yeah dad, I think its for the best. Please promise me something?"_

"_Sure what is it?"_

"_Promise me you won't tell any of the Cullen's where I went or why I left. I really don't need this right now. One day dad I will tell you everything. Right now I just need to go and find out what I want to do with my life."_

"_I trust you Bells and I know that you will do what is best for you. I promise I won't say anything. Bye sweetheart, please call me if there is anything that you need. I'm gonna miss you." He pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head._

"_Oh wait, before you go you should have this." He walks over to the desk drawer and pulls out a can of pepper spray._

_I roll my eyes. " Hey you never know what you might run into in LA. I heard there are some pretty strange people there." _

"_Alright, I will be safe and like I said, I will call you when I get there."_

_I went back to our apartment and thank god Edward wasn't there. _

_I packed all the things that I thought I would need, that I couldn't live without in LA._

_As I looked around the apartment, I was brought to tears. How has my life ended up like this. I am about to walk away from everything I love. From Edward, my friends, my family._

_With a heavy heart, I took the key off of my key chain and placed in on the counter with a note for Edward._

_~E,_

_Here is my apartment key, I won't be needing it anymore._

_B_

_With that, I walked out the door and headed to LA._

_End of Flashback_

"Give it up for Izzy!!" That's my cue.

I walked on state and went over to the stool to sit down.

"Good evening everyone. I would like to thank everyone for coming out tonight and I would like to thank Emmett Cullen for giving me this opportunity to be here. So yeah, I guess I'll start singing now."

Gahh, could I be any more pathetic.

I started to play the opening of one of the new songs I have been messing around with. No one has heard it yet, not even Ben, I was having one of those days where I couldn't get Edward Cullen out of my head. I knew it couldn't be a good thing so I just started to write out the words that were flowing freely in my brain and humming the melody that went along with it.

_I've spent years and all of this time_

_thinking I was better off cause you were mine_

_You always said it was your way or the highway_

_So I'm shifting my life into drive _

_I'm getting out kissing the past good-bye_

_Like Toby said, "How do you like me now?"_

_This conversation has run dry_

_And I keep telling my self_

I normally try look around into the crowd, to look into the faces of the fans but I couldn't do it. I couldn't take the chance of seeing the man this song was written about.

_Ooooooo, oooooooo, oooooooo_

_There's more to me than you_

_Ooooooo, oooooooo_

_Don't underestimate what I can do_

_We I'm alright, it's okay_

_I know I'll make it through_

_Cause there's more to me than you_

_I'm not saying I'm battered and bruised _

_But I may as well be with the words you used_

_I believe in myself and that makes me stronger_

_Things changed and so have I_

_I'm gonna make hay while the sun still shines_

_You can clip my wings, but I'm still gonna fly_

_I'm on my on and on my way_

_And I keep telling myself_

I finally look out across the room. I can't really see because of the damn lights that are shining in my face. Maybe this is a good thing.

_Ooooooo, oooooooo, oooooooo_

_There's more to me than you_

_Ooooooo, oooooooo_

_Don't underestimate what I can do_

_We I'm alright, it's okay_

_I know I'll make it through_

_Cause there's more to me than you_

_There was always something that meant more to you than me_

_And I'm just sorry it's taking this for you so see_

I took another chance and scanned the crowd. That's when I saw him, saw that bronze hair I would recognize from anywhere. He was talking to a blonde girl but I couldn't make her face.

_Oooooo, ooooooo_

_There's more to me than you_

_Oooooo, ooooooo_

That's when I realized who the blonde was, Tanya Denali, and she was kissing my Edward. Wait, MY Edward?

_There's more to me…than you_

_And the next thing I knew I was looking directly into Edwards eyes. He was looking right at me._

_Fuck my life._

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_Props out to Jessica Andrews for song "More to Me Than You"._

_I LOVE LOVE LOVE this song. _

_I am hope you all have been liking this story so far. I haven't had many reviews, in fact I think I only have one review but I like writing this, makes me happy. _

_So if you liked this, or didn't like this let me know. Just be gentle, it's my first fanfic after all._

_Ta Ta!~_


	4. Chapter 4

Announcement: No I don't own Twilight. If I did, I wouldn't be here writing fan fiction, I would be writing book 5.

I also want to thank those who have added this story to their favorites, it's greatly, GREATLY appreciated.

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BPOV

I was frozen. Couldn't move, afraid to look away. The way he was looking at me, it was like he could read his soul. His eyes held all of his emotions. The pain, the hurt, the heart ache. It was all there for me to see.

If it weren't for Ben I don't think that I would have been able to snap out of it.

I heard him call my name and when I looked over at him he was giving me his usual "You can do this" look. I knew that I had to continue.

I decided on singing some cover songs that the crowd would know.

They sang along, they cheered me along. I was having a really good time. I was finally beginning to relax.

After a few familiar songs I decided to sing the new song that I had been working on. Not even Ben had heard it.

It was a song that I had written one night after I woke up from a dream I had about Edward.

"Ok, so this next song is one that I have been working on for a few years now and I just recently was able to finish it. It was a long time in the making but as you are about to find out, it was well worth the wait."

As I began to strum the beginning bars of the song on my guitar, the same guitar Edward had gotten me after graduation, I thought about where my life had taken me up until this point. The feelings I had while writing this song were flowing freely in the music, it was everything that I had ever wanted to say to Edward but was afraid to do. It was about our first kiss, the first time we made love the summer before our Senior year, our very first fight after I found out about him and Jessica. It was everything.

_How do you cool your lips_

_After a summer's kiss_

_How do you rid the sweat_

_After the body bliss_

_How do you turn your eyes_

_From the romantic glare_

_How do you block the sound_

_Of a voice you'd know anywhere_

_Oh I really should have known_

_By the time you drove me home_

_By the vagueness in your eyes_

_Your casual good-byes_

_By the chill of your embrace_

_The expression on your face_

_That told me_

_Maybe You might have some advise to give_

_On how to be_

_Insensitive_

_Insensitive_

_Insensitive_

_How do you numb your skin_

_After the warmest touch_

_How do you slow your blood_

_After the body rush_

_How do you free your soul_

_After you've found a friend_

_How do you teach your heart_

_It's a crime to fall in love again_

_Oh you probably don't remember me_

_It's probably ancient history_

_I'm one of the chosen few_

_Who went ahead and fell for you_

_I'm out of hope I'm out of touch_

_I fell too fast I feel too much_

_I thought that you might have_

_Some advise to give_

_On how to be_

_Insensitive_

_Oh I really should have known_

_By the time you drove me home_

_By the vagueness in your eyes_

_Your casual good-byes_

_By the chill of your embrace_

_The expression on your face_

_That told me_

_Maybe You might have some advise to give_

_On how to be_

_Insensitive_

_Insensitive_

_Insensitive_

As the song came to an end, I didn't look up at the crowd. I was afraid to. I didn't realize I was holding on so tightly to my microphone stand that my knuckles were white.

When I finally took that chance to look up, I felt like I was in a bubble. I was in my own little world that at this very moment only consisted of me, and the man now standing in front of me.

Edward.

Before my nerves got the best of me, I said a quick thank you to the crowd and announced that I was going to take a short break.

I quickly walked off stage. I could hear Edward call my name but I didn't stop. I needed to get some air.

It felt like I was being swallowed up by the room so I ran back to my dressing room. I shut the door and flopped down on the couch.

I heard the knocks on the door. I didn't want to answer.

"Please just go away. I'll be out in a minute."

_Knock knock knock_

"I said go away, I just need time."

_Bam bam bam_

Ok, now I was upset. Couldn't whoever it was see how upset I was when I walked off stage? Couldn't they just give me a freakin minute to myself?

I went over to the door and pushed it open.

"Listen here assho…..Rose??"

"Bella"

I thought she was going to walk over to me and hug me but I was sorely mistaken.

Smack

"Ow Rose, what the hell? That's going to leave a mark." I said holding the side of my face which I am sure now has a nice outline of Ms. Rosalie Hale's perfectly manicured hand.

"That was for leaving without saying goodbye and breaking Edward's heart."

"Wait, I broke Edward's heart? Huh, that's funny."

"What do you mean that's funny, Bella he hasn't been the same since you left."

"Well I haven't been the same since I left either."

"Why Bella, why did you leave. We were so worried about you. And then to have you show up at Emmett's bar none the less, to say we are all are a little shocked would be an understatement." she said to me taking a seat next to me on the sofa.

"You mean Edward didn't tell you what happened?" I looked at her.

"No, he said you didn't even leave an explanation. You just left your apartment key saying you didn't need it anymore and were gone. He even talked to Charlie, said you didn't tell him anything either."

"That's because I told Charlie not to tell anyone where I was going. For once he finally listened." Shocker.

"Listen Bella, I don't know why you left, I don't know if you want to talk about why you left, but I can tell you that we missed you. And I mean we ALL missed you." she said with a said look on her face.

"Oh I bet, I'm sure I ruined Edward and Tanya's date huh? I bet she's pissed."

"They weren't on a date Bella. Tanya is a friend, we were all here together."

"You could have fooled me with that kiss." I mumbled under my breath.

I turned to Rose on the couch. "So you are telling me that Edward didn't tell you ANYTHING about us before I left. Like why I was upset or anything?"

"No Bella, he didn't. What's going on? I have a feeling there is more to this story than what we were originally told."

"You have no idea Rose, no idea."

I sat there with Rose on the couch, telling her everything that happened before I left. The argument I had with Edward about him and Tanya. How I couldn't be put in second place to anyone. I told her about Jessica and how he swore to me that he would never put himself in a position to where he would do that again to me. How he promised me that we would get married one day, everything. And how he had to ruin it the night of Alice and Jasper's engagement party.

She stopped me. "Wait, you're telling me that you saw Tanya and Edward kissing at Ali & Jazz's engagement party? Where?"

"Behind the pool house. I needed some fresh air and decided to go out back. You saw how many people were there. It was hot as hell in that house. So I went out back because it was a lot quieter out there. I started to walk along the path to the garden and that's when I saw them. Tanya had Edward pushed against the wall and they were kissing. I freaked, I didn't say anything I just walked back into the house."

"Yeah, I remember seeing you. Edward came and asked me if I had seen you and I told him you were in the house with Esme."

"When I went inside Esme knew I was upset but didn't push as to why. We just sat at the table and talked. I saw Edward walk in but I couldn't look him in the face. I was so heartbroken Rose, I mean how could he do that again to me? I didn't understand. I still don't understand."

"The night you left? He was going to purpose to you." she said grabbing my hand.

"Wha what did you say? Purpose?"

"Yup, he loved, no loves you Bella. I know he does, I just don't think he knows he still loves you."

And with that she got up and started to walk to the door.

"You know Bells, you may have been gone for a few years but we still consider you a friend, family even. Why don't you come sit with us after your show and have a few drinks with us, you know, for old times sake?"

"Thanks Rose, I would love that."

I went back out and finished my set. I sang some of the songs that are on my new album and some old songs that I knew would be a crowd favorite.

After my last song I thanked everyone for coming out tonight and I especially thanked Emmett for letting me perform.

I sold a few CD's and signed a few autographs. They seemed to like me and that made me feel really good.

I put my guitar in my case and carried it back to the dressing room. I freshened up a bit because those lights did a number on my makeup.

Once I was done I walked back out into the bar.

They all were sitting chatting amongst themselves, I almost felt that I was intruding.

"Hey guys." I squeaked. Great Bella, what a way to sound confident.

"Bella, oh Bella, it's good to see you!!" Alice said running over to me.

"I missed you so much Ali, I really have." I started to cry. I couldn't help it. Seeing them all here was over whelming.

"Oh honey don't cry, you're ruin your makeup and we can't have that now, can we?"

Alice, I swear she hasn't changed one bit.

"Jasper, it's good to see you." I said to Alice's now husband. I feel bad for missing their wedding. Charlie said I got an invitation in the mail but I couldn't bring myself to go.

"Sorry I missed your wedding Alice. I'll have to make it up to you, I promise." She just gave me another big hug, "I know you will." she said playfully.

As I made my way around the table saying hello to those I knew, I finally made it to Edward. I didn't see Tanya so I figured now was as good as a time as any.

"Hello Edward."

"Bella."

That's it? I thought to myself.

With that he quickly got up and walked over to the bar. I followed him hot on his heels and sat down next to him.

He ordered a scotch and when the bartender asked what I wanted I couldn't even get out the order before Edward spoke up.

"She'll have a Dirty Goose Martini." He remembered.

"Of course I remember. How could I forget?" I must have said that last thought out loud.

"How have you been Edward?" I said to him after the bartender handed us our drinks.

"Why do you care?" He spat at me.

If you would have asked me earlier today if I still had feelings for Edward Cullen, I would have told you no. If you would have asked me if I still loved him, I would have told you were crazy. But sitting here, seeing him, I couldn't have been so wrong.

"Listen Edward, I think we need to talk. I wish I could go back and do that night all over again, I'm sorry, I still lo…"

"Well _Izzy_, I guess I'll be seeing you around huh? Tanya's expecting me." He got up from his stool, threw a $20 down and walked the door. I put my head in my hands and sighed with defeat.

I got up from my seat, Alice came and wrapped her arm around me. "You know Bella, it was really hard on all of us when you left. But you are here now and I want to make the most of it. Please come sit with us and just relax, forget about things for a while ok?"

"Thanks Alice, that sounds nice right about now." I said to her trying to keep from breaking down.

I sat with my friends. We drank, talked about old times, it was like I hadn't even left. I missed my family, my friends. I didn't realize how much I had missed out on. I enjoyed sitting with them, listening to what they all had been doing since I'd left. They asked me all kinds of questions about my album coming out and of course Em told me I had to come back once I made it big. I promised him I would.

I wished Edward was here. The person I wanted to talk to the most was with her, the one woman that I hated the most.

It was that night, after being with them all, that I finally made the one decision in my life that I knew wasn't a mistake.

I, Isabella Swan, was still whole heartedly, irrevocably, still in love, with Edward Cullen and it was time I stopped running.

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The song Bella sang in this chapter is called "Insensitive" sung by Jann Arden.

Hope you like!

Blou~


	5. None The Less

Wish I owned but I don't.

Thanks for the reviews & the add's!!

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EPOV

Who was I kidding. I didn't have any place to go, I just needed to get the hell out of there. Seeing her on stage and having her be so close, I couldn't stand it anymore. Knowing she wasn't mine was just too much to bear.

I walked down the street hoping the fresh air would help me clear my head. What was I doing? What was I going to do? I thought I was over her, sure I missed her like crazy, she was my best friend. But she was also so much more than that.

After Bella had left, I didn't tell anyone why. I just pretended like she left without a reason good-bye. I know that is really fucked up on my part, but I couldn't have my family be pissed at me for another mistake I made. They all love Bella, she's like part of the family.

The one question I need to ask myself is do I love Bella? And if I do, am I willing to sacrifice certain things to get her back??

It felt like I was walking forever. I ended up at the park.

_Flashback_

_Emmett and I were on our morning run, the same run we do every morning._

_It was a cool fall morning and I was late meeting Emmett at the park. He was going to be pissed. I must have forgotten to set my alarm the night before. I put on my shorts, t-shirt and running shoes and headed out the door. I jumped in my car and headed towards the park._

_As I was driving I noticed up a head there was an truck on the side of the road and someone was looking under the hood. I couldn't tell who it was, I hadn't seen that truck around here. I decided that I should stop to see if whoever it was needed any help._

_As I got closer I could tell it was a girl, but it just wasn't any girl, it was Isabella Swan._

_Word around town was the Chief's daughter was coming from Phoenix, but no one had seen her yet. The gossip didn't do her justice. She was beautiful. Long brown hair, big brown eyes, a body that I would love to get to know a little better, ugh, she was gorgeous._

_"Hey, need any help?" I said as I walked up._

_She turned around abruptly. "Um, would you mind? I don't know anything about trucks and I can't seem to figure out what is wrong. It just died on me."_

_"Sure, I can take a look. I'm Edward Cullen and you must be Isabella Swan."_

_"Bella."_

_"Excuse me?"_

_"My name is Bella, please call me Bella." she said as she looked down at the ground._

_"Well, Bella, the name suits you very well." I gave her a smile and I saw that she was blushing. God I loved how she blushes._

_"Without tearing this engine a part I don't think that I am going to be able to tell you quickly what is wrong. Do you think you can get it towed to a garage or something? I could give you a ride to wherever you need to go."_

_"That would be great, thanks. Let me call my dad real quick and let him know where this beast is parked. I'm sure he can get a tow truck out here in no time and get it over to Billy's."_

_"Billy's?" I've never heard of a body shop around here called Billy's._

_"Billy Black? He and his son Jacob work on cars, this truck used to be Billy's, my dad bought it for me as a "welcome home" present."_

_She walked off to call her dad to tell him what had happened. When she was walking back to me I was taken back by how pretty she was. You could tell she wasn't over confident, she walked with her head down and her hands shoved in her pockets._

_"So, where too?" I asked her when she finally made it over to my car._

_"Do you think you can just take me home?"_

_"Sure, only if you don't mind if we drop by the park real quick, my buddy Emmett is expecting me and I don't want to leave him hanging."_

_"Oh if you have somewhere else to be I could walk, that isn't a problem."_

_"Silly Bella, I couldn't let you walk home. What kind of gentleman would I be if I let a beautiful girl like you walk home all by herself." And cue the blush._

_"Only if you are sure."_

_"Of course I'm sure, now hop in." I went around to the other side of the car and opened the door for her._

_"Thanks." she said as she slid into the car._

_"Nice car you have. I bet is reliable huh?" she said laughing as we drove away._

_The silence in the car was uncomfortable at first. It was strange, I was nervous, Edward Cullen doesn't get nervous around girls. I just felt this pull towards her, I can't explain it._

_As we got to the park I could see Emmett out by his Jeep stretching. We parked beside him and got out._

_"Emmett, sorry I'm late man, I was on my way and I saw Bella's truck had broken down so I stopped to help. I just wanted to stop by and let you know I'm gonna pass on the run this morning, I need to take her home."_

_Bella was leaning up against the car with her head up toward the sky soaking up what sun Forks had to offer._

_Emmett looked over at her and look back to me and mouthed "she's hot" and gave me the thumbs up sign. He's such a moron._

_"Emmett, this is Bella Swan, Bella, this is Emmett McCarty."_

_"Hello" she said softly._

_"Hey there" Emmett said grabbing her hand , "Its nice to finally meet you."_

_"Yeah I guess word gets around when a new girl comes to town huh?" she said laughing._

_"Yea, but you just aren't any girl, you, are Bella Swan, daughter of Charlie Swan, Forks finest." Emmett said nudging her with his hip. She just laughed and boy what a laugh it was._

_Emmett and I started talking about the football game next weekend and I couldn't help but notice how Bella just wandered over to the swings. I knew Emmett was talking but he must have noticed that my mind just wasn't into our conversation. He followed by gaze and realized I was looking at Bella._

_"Hey man, what are you doing over here? Go talk to her." he said wiggling his eyebrows. Typical Emmett._

_I walked over to her and sat down on the swing beside her. God she was beautiful. I kept staring at her, I couldn't look away._

_"Why do you keep staring at me? Do I have something on my face?" she said wiping her mouth._

_No, there's nothing on your face. I wish there was something on your face, my lips. I wanted to kiss her, to hug her. I couldn't figure out why I was so drawn to her._

_She took my silence as a bad thing and quickly tried to get up from the swings but her foot got caught and she started to fall. Before I knew it I was up out of my swing and grabbed her waist, but before I got a good grip we both went tumbling over and ended up on the ground._

_I started laughing, really really hard. I think that upset her because when I looked at her, well lets just say if looks could kill I would be 6 feet under._

_"Oh Bella, I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you, really I'm not, it's just, it's just…." and I started laughing even harder._

_She got up from the ground and started to walk away. I ran after her. When I finally caught up I took a hold of her arm and swung her around._

_"Look, I'm sorry ok." she cocked her eyebrow at me, "No I really mean it this time. Forgive me?" I said while holding out my arms. I didn't know what I expected to do but what happened next wasn't it._

_She walked into my arms and put her arms around my waist and she just looked up at me. When I looked down at her, there was something in the way she was holding her body against mine that I couldn't help but lean my head down. I licked my bottom lip and she licked hers. I could feel her heart beating, it was going a mile a minute. I went to lean in and she stood up on her tip toes. When our mouths finally connected it was like a fire was lit in my soul. It started out soft and tender, I didn't want to move to fast so I let her set the pace. I felt her mouth open a little and her tongue touch my lip gently. I opened my mouth and met her tongue and pulled her closer to my body. She let out a moan and started running her hands through my hair. God that feels good. I ran my hands down her back until I reached her ass. I squeezed her and she let out a yelp. I smiled against her lips. I was in heaven, I didn't want this moment to end._

_She backed away from me, "Can you take me home now?"_

_Oh God what did I do? Did I push her to fast? I walked her back to my car and opened the door for her. As we started driving away the silence was again uncomfortable. There were no conversation, no glances at each other, nothing. Now I'm not one to brag but that kiss back there was perfect, and if I felt it then she must have felt it too right? So what's her problem?_

_We pulled up in front of her house. I turned off my car and we again, just sat there. I was about to say something about how sorry I was but was cut off._

_"Do you want to come inside? Um, Charlie won't be home until later." .God. Did she just ask me to come inside, with no parental supervision? This is a dream come true._

_We went inside and she asked me if I would like something to drink. I told her no thanks. I went and sat down on the couch. She walked back into the living room and stood in front of me. I put my hands on her hips and pulled her down onto my lap. She had her knees on both sides of my thighs. She took her hands and ran them though my hair like she had done earlier. I let my head fall back on the couch. She started to kiss down my neck and I couldn't help but moan. "Oh god Bella, you have no idea what you are doing to me."_

_"I think I have an idea." she said while grinding her hips into my very hard erection._

_"Why don't we take this upstairs?" she said while standing up and grabbing my hand._

_"Are you sure? What about your dad?" I wanted her, I wanted her bad._

_"Edward, I wouldn't ask you if I didn't want to."_

_All I could say was, "Ok." I took her hand and she led us up the stairs to her bedroom._

_No longer than we were in her room she was all over me. She grabbed the hem of my shirt and lifted it up, I bent down so she could pull it off. I reached down and started to unbutton her shirt. As I would get a button undone I would leave a kiss on the skin that was revealed. She let out a breath that made my dick even harder. "Oh Edward, I want you."_

_Walking back to her bed I laid her down and pulled her jeans and panties down. She had the most breathtaking body I had ever seen. I could see her juices as they moistened the inside of her thighs. I took my hands and spread her legs a part. I took my hand and ran it up her center. "God Bella you are so wet."_

_'Edward you are wearing too many clothes. Why don't I help you out with that problem." She sat up and unbuttoned my jeans. She pulled them down along with my boxers and my dick sprang free. She grabbed my cock and the next thing I knew she licked the pre cum off. "God Bella, don't stop, that feels so good baby." She put my dick in her mouth and began moving her head up and down. I put my hand on her head and guided her . "I don't want to cum in your mouth Bella, I wanna be in that sweet pussy of yours."_

_"Only if you insist."_

_"Oh I do, trust me." I reached over and pulled out my wallet and grabbed the condom and slid it on._

_"Are you sure about this Bella? I mean really sure?" She just nodded her head. I could no longer deny her and slowly slid into her. I couldn't believe I was actually having sex with Bella Swan, in Chief Swan's house none the less. Oh god, what if he comes home? My parents would be so pissed at me._

_"Edward, are you ok?" I looked at Bella, Oh shit, I wasn't moving. This was not good._

_"Oh yeah, sorry, I just was thinking." I said a little embarrassed. I began moving in and out of her. Nice and easy at first. We are both panting and moaning, it was driving me nuts. I began to pick up the pace, I could tell she was close as her muscles started to tighten around my dick._

_"Ughh Edward, I,,I,,,Oh God, I'm gonna cum." and I kept pumping in and out of her, thrusting my hips into her hot sweet pussy. She yelled out my name as her orgasm took over._

_A few more thrusts and I was following right behind her. "Ughhhh Bella" I groaned pushing into her one final time. "God that was amazing." I collapsed beside her on the bed. I rolled over on my side so I was facing her. I began to rub her arm smoothly. She looked so peaceful._

_We laid there for what felt like hours just talking. I guess one could say we did this backwards, but I had never been more thankful that I had forgotten to set my alarm. It was here that I realized that Bella Swan was different than any other girl I had been with. There was something about her and about the afternoon that we shared together that I knew she was going to be a part of my life as long as she'd have me._

_End of flashback_

I felt raindrops, what the hell? I must have fallen asleep. I decided to walk the rest of the way home, it wasn't that far from the park. As I was walking back home I kept thinking about where my life had taken me so far. I couldn't say I was happy, but I wasn't necessarily sad, I was just here. I was almost home and I was in desperate need of a shower. When I turned around the corner I saw that someone was sitting on my steps. I picked up the pace. I walked up the pathway and stopped dead in my tracks.

Tanya.


	6. Talk Dirty To Me

Wow, the responses that I have gotten for this story has blown me away. Thanks!!

To answer EdwardxBellaxLover's questions, yes I do intend Bella & Edward getting together in the end, not sure exactly how I'm going to get there but it's going to happen.

Again, I don't own Twilight.

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BPOV

After sitting with everyone and talking to what felt like forever I decided it was time for me to go back to the hotel. I got up and told everyone that I needed to leave. They looked a little disappointed at first but said they understood.

I gave everyone hugs and when I got to Alice I could feel her put something in my pocket but I didn't say anything.

"Keep in touch with us will you?" Alice said to me as we were walking out the door.

"Of course I will, I won't make the same mistake twice." I said with a slight chuckle.

"Don't forget what I said Bella, when you are big and famous you'll have to come back to Twilight and do a show, you know, for old times sake." Emmett said this while giving me a big hug.

"Emmett, can't breathe here." I said trying to wiggle out of his arms.

"Opps, sorry Bella." he said gently putting me down on the ground.

"Well it was really good seeing you all again, I have everyone's emails and phone numbers so I'll be in touch K?" I walked over to the cab and got in. I told the driver the address to the hotel. I reached in my pocket to grab my cell phone and pulled out the piece of paper Alice put in my pocket.

~Edward

712-555-0910

7455 Hocking Dr.

Damn that Pixie, what was she trying to do to me. I sat there in the back of the cab holding this piece of paper like it was my life line. I didn't know what to do. I wanted desperately to talk to him but after his reaction to me tonight I didn't know if he honestly wanted to talk to me.

All of the sudden I had a jolt of courage and told the cab driver to take me to 7455 Hocking Dr. I told him to drop me off a block before so I had time to cool my nerves before I got there. He pulled up down the street and I got out, gave him a $20 and told him to keep the change.

As I made my way down towards Edward's place I could see two people standing out front and it appeared that they were arguing. When I got a little closer I could see that it was Edward and Tanya. They were fighting. I didn't go any father towards his house, I stayed back a ways but they were being so loud I couldn't help but overhear their conversation.

Tanya was upset because Edward didn't leave with her like she asked him to. She didn't understand why he would want to be there knowing I was there.

"Tanya, don't start with me. You know that you and I are not a couple, just because you left didn't mean that I had to leave also. I wanted to stay, I haven't seen her in years." he said while pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Not a couple huh? It sure hasn't felt like we were "just friends" while I sucking your dick last night? Or how about this morning when I was riding the hell out of you?" she spat out.

"I told you Tanya from the get go that we will never be more than fuck buddies, you knew that going into this, I just don't see us in a relationship."

"Again, it's because of HER isn't it? You still love her Edward don't you.?"

She just kept going on and on about how I have in one way or another ruined her life. Ha, stupid bitch, doesn't she realize if it weren't for her stupid ass that she wouldn't be in this position in the first place?

"What do you want from me huh Tanya? You want the truth? Do you want me to tell you that every time you sucked by dick, every time I ate you out that all I was thinking about was HER? That I wish it were HER who had her mouth wrapped around my dick. HER that were moaning my name and HER that I was having sex with. HER Tanya, not you." Tanya walked up to Edward and slapped him across the face.

"Fuck you Edward Cullen. I can't believe you, you didn't have the balls to be faithful to her, and when she left your ass you came running to me. I should have known, I've always been put second to that little bitch and I won't do it anymore. I'm done Edward, I hope you crawl back to her and grovel at her feet and I hope like hell she's smart enough to tell you to fuck off." Tanya walked off the steps and started to walk towards me. She didn't see me at first and when she did she just laughed. "Go fucking figure." and she kept on walking without even looking back.

Edward just sat on the steps with his head in his hands. He must have thought it was Tanya walking up the pathway. "Look Tanya," he said without looking up.

"Is it true?" I said in almost a whisper.

His head shot up, "Bella." He stood up in front of me.

"Is it true? What you said to Tanya? Is it true?" I was trying to read what was in his mind when I was looking into his eyes.

"You heard all that?" he paused. "Yes Bella, everything was true. It's always been you."

I stood there and just stared at him. How could he have done this to US? He meant the world to me, I would have done anything for him and he threw it all away for what, a piece of ass? To say I was pissed was an understatement.

"You have some fucking nerve Edward. Knowing that Tanya was the reason we broke up and you got together with her? And from the sound of it on more than one occasion? If you loved me so much why didn't you try to fight for me? " I was trying so hard not to cry but my emotions were getting the best of me.

"Fight for you? If I'm not mistaken you are the one who left ME Bella, I tried fighting for you, do you remember that? How I begged for you to stay to forgive me, you choose to walk away, not me so don't blame this all on me."

"Don't blame this on you? Who the fuck am I supposed to blame this on? If you could have kept your dick in your pants in the first place we wouldn't be in this situation would we?"

"It wasn't like that Bella and you know it. I told you how she came on to me that night, told you how I pushed her off of me but you choose not to believe me."

"Why would I believe you Edward? You cheated on me before. How am I supposed to react when I see my boyfriend making out with another girl AFTER he told me he wouldn't ever do that to me again? The whole situation Edward is fucked up and you know it. So, what are you and Tanya together now?"

"No, we're not together. Not in a relationship if that's what you're asking."

"Then what are you? Just fucking whenever you have the itch? Who else have you been "just fucking" Edward?"

"Why do you care?" he asked.

"Aghhh, you know how badly I wish I didn't care? I wish I didn't Edward, it would make this so much easier. It really would. I care because, oh you know what? Never mind." I started to walk away from him and he grabbed my arm.

"Bella, will you just please listen to me for a second. I don't want you walking away from me, not again." he said to me pinching the bridge of his nose.

"What do you want Edward? I don't need this right now. I've got a lot going on in my life right now, I don't need drama." I was beginning to get pissed now.

"I want to talk to you. That's it, just talk." he said to me with pleading eyes.

"Fine" I said while sitting down, "Talk."

"No, not out here. Will you come inside? Please?" he said standing up and holding out a hand for me.

I stood up and walked up the stairs. I kept telling myself not to fall for his charms. No matter how badly I wanted to kiss him, to feel his body next to mine, I needed to be strong. I just hope that I could stick to my guns.

We went inside and he asked me if I wanted anything to drink. "Water please."

He came back into the living room and handed me a bottle of water. "Thanks."

We sat down on the couch, I turned, sat Indian style facing him. "You wanted to talk, so talk."

He turned on the couch and mimicked my position.

"Bella, I want to get to know you again. I've missed you, more than you realize. I know that I messed up and I regret not telling you about Tanya sooner. But you have to understand, I did not cheat on you that night. I swear I didn't. Like I told you before she kissed me, I pushed her off, that was it. Nothing more. You've got to believe me. I only went to Tanya after you left town, she never meant anything to me, still doesn't mean anything to me."

"So you used her. Knowing damn well how she felt about you and you fucked her anyway. How could you Edward? I thought you were better than that."

"I am better than that. You know that. You know me better than I know myself."

"I wonder about that Edward, I really do." I said while I was yawning.

"Do you want me to give you a ride back to your hotel? I wouldn't mind.'

"That would be nice thanks." we got up and started to walk out the door.

"Shit, I forgot, I walked home from the club. My car is still there."

"That's ok, I can call a cab." I said while pulling out my cell phone.

"I know this is pretty gutsy of me to ask but you could always stay here, then I could call Alice or Rose in the morning and have them pick us up. It would give you a chance to talk to them again before you leave."

"Are you sure? I wouldn't want to impose or anything."

"Trust me Bella, it's not a problem. I have a spare bedroom you could use."

"Thanks." I said walking back into his house. This is going to be weird.

He showed me the guest bedroom which was across the hall from his bedroom. Go figure.

"The bathroom is the last door on the right, feel free to take a shower it you'd like" He walked back into his bedroom and then came back out with a t shirt and a pair of boxers. "I didn't think you would want to sleep in your clothes so you could sleep in these if you'd like."

"Sure, thanks again Edward. I really appreciate it." I said while grabbing the clothes from his hands. My fingers grazed the back of his hand and I felt that all to familiar electric current run through my body and I jumped back with a gasp.

"Sorry."

"You felt that too huh?" he said as he gave me his panty dropping smile. "I never thought I would have that feeling again."

"Me neither." I said while walking down the hall into the bathroom.

I turned around and looked down the hallway before I shut the door. Edward was still standing in the doorway of his room, staring back at me. I closed the door. I turned on the shower

I striped my clothes off and stood naked in front of the mirror. Get a grip of yourself Bella. Don't let that feeling come back yet. Its too early.

I got in the shower and began washing my body. I washed my hair first and began working on my body. My hands traveled lower as I started thinking about the man down the hall. They were moving closer to my aching core, the place I needed to be touched the most. I slowly started to rub clit in slow circles. I could feel myself getting more aroused by the minute. I was picturing the only man I truly ever loved here in the shower with me. I started rubbing harder and slipped my fingers into my now, very wet pussy. I was pumping them in and out and was still rubbing my clit with my thumb while I was thinking that Edward was standing behind me with his magic fingers turning me on. I started to feel my orgasm come on and I couldn't take it anymore. I came hard all over my hand while moaning out Edward's name. God I hoped I wasn't loud, how embarrassing would that be if he heard me.

I finished washing up and turned off the shower. I put on Edward's boxers and t shirt, ran my fingers through my hair since I didn't have a brush. I look decent enough I thought to myself and turned to open the door.

When I did, standing there was Edward with a smirk on his face.

"Enjoy yourself?" he said.

"Shut it Edward' I said while walking past him. Before I got to the bedroom he pinned my up against the door and kissed me with so much passion I felt it down in my toes.

"God I missed you, I can't take this anymore." he said in between kisses.

"You know you want this as much as I do, I think that little stint in the bathroom proves it"

He began to lift my shirt above my head. When he exposed my breasts he took my left nipple in his mouth and began sucking on it.

"Ungh Edward, god that feels good." Damn traitor hormones.

"You like that Bella? What else do you like?" he said taking my other nipple in his mouth.

"This, I want this." I said while rubbing his hard on through his pants.

"I would be more than happy to give you that love." he laid me down on his bed and stood up.

"You are still so beautiful." He began pulling the boxers I was wearing slowly, and threw them on the floor.

He gasped. The last time we were together I only did a little grooming below the border. Now, I'm completely bare. I prefer it this way now. And by the looks of it, so did Edward.

He dipped his head in between my legs and parted my lips with his tongue. I couldn't help but shiver. He began working me over. Sucking on my clit, he stuck two fingers into me, curling them up to hit my g spot. He kept going at it until I was screaming out his name.

"Edward, I need you, now.' I was leaning up on my elbows looking at the bronze locks that were between my thighs. He looked up at me and smiled and slowly began kissing his way back up my body.

He positioned himself at my entrance and slid into me. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding.

"Oh God Bella, this is better than I remembered. You feel so good baby." he said while pumping his hips.

"You.. (kiss) feel…(kiss) amazing." he said while sucking on my bottom lip.

"You don't feel so bad yourself," I said with a smile while he continued to kiss my neck and gently bit down on my shoulder

"Cum for me love, I want to feel you milk my cock with your tight pussy." God how I loved it when he talked dirty. If I could get a recording of all the things he said to me while making love, I would be a happy woman.

"Ungh Edward, I'm so close baby, I need you faster, go faster please." With that he sped up his pace and was quickly moving his body in and out of me. He moved his hand down toward my clit and rubbed it in circles.

"That's it, god I love watching you cum, I love that I can make you feel so good." and I did, I came hard and Edward wasn't so far behind. He pulled out and laid down beside me on the bed and began rubbing my hip. I was exhausted, I didn't think I could keep my eyes open, I didn't fight it anymore, I fell fast asleep in the arms of the love of my life.

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Please don't hate me for having Bella give in so fast to Edward. Remember she has always loved him and still does. There's more drama coming your way so you know what to do…….Thanks~


	7. Watching You

Wow….that's all I'm gonna say…oh and thanks!~

Nope, don't own.

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EPOV

I opened my eyes, I turned over to say good morning to the most beautiful woman in the world. Last night was wonderful, it felt like old times, God how I missed those times. I was greeted by nothing. She wasn't there. I quickly sat up, paying close attention to any noise I might hear, nothing. I got out of bed and went into the bathroom, nothing. Kitchen, nothing, living room, nothing. Where the hell was she? Why did she leave? I walked back into my room to see if there were any traces of her there. Again, nothing. Not even a note. What the fuck? Had I dreamed last night? Nah, I couldn't have. That was too real. I laid down and smelled the pillow where she would have laid her head, ahhh, smelled just like her, I know I wasn't dreaming last night, it really did happen. But why did she leave without telling me?

Shit, how could I have been so stupid to rush back into this without talking about all that has happened. She knew that I still loved her, she heard me tell Tanya for Christ's sake. What if she was just trying to hurt me like I had hurt her. I needed to talk to her but I didn't even get her phone number. Alice! I'll have to call Alice to see if she has Bella's number. I picked up my cell and dialed her.

Shit, voice mail.

'Hey Alice, it's Edward. Hey listen, um, I was wondering if you knew how to get in touch with Bella. I, um need to talk to her, it's kinda important so when you get his, call me, k? Thanks Al.'. I hung up the phone and sighed. What was I going to do now?

I managed to get in the shower and decided to head into the office for a while. I needed to get my mind off of things, Bella in particular. It's not an every weekend thing that I go into the office. In fact, its very rare. I picked up local newspaper and stopped by the coffee shop to get my usual. I began to make my way to the office when I saw her, she was walking and getting into a car with some guy. What in the hell? Who the fuck was he and what is he doing with my Bella? He had his hand on the small of her back leading her where to go. It took everything that I had not to yell out her name. I just stood there, my jaw clenched and a million and one thoughts running through my head. Well, I guess I got my answer as to what last night meant to her. Nothing.

BPOV

I felt bad leaving Edward without saying goodbye. I didn't even leave a note. I had woken up late this morning, remembering I had a interview/photo shoot with Jacob. I hurried back to the hotel to take a shower and change my clothes. As I was walking out of the bathroom I heard my cell phone ringing. It was an unknown number. Huh, that's strange.

"Hello?" Nothing. "Hello? Anybody there?" Still nothing. With that I shut my phone and finished getting dressed. I didn't have to worry about getting all dolled up for the shoot, there were going to have someone there to help me out with that. I had received a text from Ben earlier stating they were sending a car over to pick me and Jacob up since he had stayed in the same hotel as me.

I got to the lobby and Jacob was already down there. "Hey Jacob. Sorry I didn't get a chance to talk to you after the show last night. I had some old friends there that I hadn't seen in a while so we just sat around and talked."

"That's ok Bella, I understand. I had some friends from LaPush come into town so I hung out with them most of the night."

"LaPush, that's where you're from right?"

"Yeah, not to far from Forks."

We started walking out the door and Jacob put his hand on my back to walk me to the car. Before I got in I had this feeling that someone was watching me. I turned my head and looked down the street but I didn't see anyone. When I looked the other way I thought I saw Edward, nah, couldn't have been him, he would have said something. Or at least I hope he would have said something. Maybe he thought last night was a mistake. God, I don't think I could handle that right now.

Jacob and I got to the studio on time. They quickly got me into hair and makeup and then I was to meet up with the stylist to pick out my outfit. Jacob had told them he wanted it simple, but not too plain. Something that would bring out my eyes and show off my body. I felt a little awkward while he was giving me the once over, trying to decide what he thought would look good.

After hair and makeup I went to get dressed. When I walked into the dressing room I heard a squeal.

"Oh my God Alice, what are you doing here?"

"Bella, I can't believe it. I was asked to provide the clothes for a photo shoot today, I had no idea it was going to be you. I'm so excited!!" she came over to me and gave me a hug.

"Me too Alice, this is going to be so much fun.." Alice sure knew how to work her magic. I looked amazing once she was done.

"Wow, thanks Alice, you did a fantastic job. I don't even recognize myself." I said while twirling around in front of the full length mirror.

"Ah Bells, you are welcome. And you get to keep these clothes too, courtesy of Designs by Alice." she said with a huge grin.

"Oh my gosh Alice, really? This is awesome, thank you so much.." I said giving her a hug.

"You are more than welcome." Her cell phone beeped and she pulled it out of her pocket. "Huh, I have a voice message." She listened and she just had a smirk on her face.

"Oh dear Bella, seems a brother of mine is interested in talking to you. He said it was important. Should I give him your number? Or do you wanna make him sweat it out?"

I didn't say anything at first. I'm sure I looked silly just staring at her, but I couldn't help it.

"Alright Swan, spill it. What happened after you left Twilight last night?" she said pointing a finger at me.

"I….startedtogohomeandthenItoldthedrivertotakemetoEdward'sandIsleptwithhim." I said.

"WHAT? Ok, all I heard was home, and Edward. Bella what happened.?"

"I went to his house Alice, we talked about some things, and we ended up sleeping together." I said shamefully.

"Bella. Bella look at me. I know you still love him, you can see it in your eyes when you talk about him. I just don't want you rushing into anything, I don't want you to get hurt again."

"What do you mean hurt again, is there something you aren't telling me Alice?"

"No Bella, I just know you two need to talk about what happened and maybe jumping in the sack was not the way to start. Then again, you did sleep with him the first day you met him so maybe this is how you two work huh?" she said bumping her hip into mine.

"Agh, you just had to bring that up didn't you? Fine, go a head and give him my number. I don't mind. But please tell him I have a few interviews to do so I may not get back to him right away, but I promise I will ok?"

"Sure thing Bella." Just as she was walking away pulling her cell phone out, Jacob told me it was time to get the shoot going and then we would do the interview.

The set was awesome, very casual, laid back and fun. He played Kings of Leon during the photo shoot so it was easy to relax. He told me he got some really good shots, even showed me some that he had on his digital camera.

"Oh, I really like that one." I said pointing to one of the earlier shots.

"Yeah, you look beautiful." With that he turned and started packing up his equipment. Then it was time to sit down for the interview part.

"Ok Bella, I like to do my interviews a little different. First I will ask you some basic questions, some you might not expect and then we'll go from there ok?"

"Ok, sure. This should be fun." I said sitting down on the couch across from Jacob.

"Ok, first question, what's your favorite color?"

"Green."

"Why?"

"Umm, next question please."

"Favorite food?"

"Italian. I love Italian food" I said as my stomach started to growl. How embarrassing.

"Good to know, next, are you single? I mean, I'm sure all the guys out there want to know right?"

I didn't like where his questions were leading too but I decided to give him an answer anyhow.

"Yes I am single, and I plan to keep it that way, for now. I have a tour coming up and I just don't want to have to worry about that on the road. Next question."

The questions kept coming, like how did I first get into singing, when I write my songs are they from personal experience. Ha, he has no idea. The interview lasted about 35 minutes and Jacob told me he had enough for a good article. He thanked me, kissed my cheek and left. I had a feeling he wanted to ask me something else but he didn't say anything so I just shrugged it off.

Ben picked me up from the photo shoot and said there were a few more promotional things that I needed to do before I was free to do what ever I wanted. He told me that I would have a week off before things really started to get hectic. I was thankful for this time. I knew it was going to be crazy but I was really looking forward to doing this little tour they had set for me. Don't get me wrong, I won't be selling out stadiums any time soon, but it'll be fun to go to different venues and bars, just doing what I love to do.

When it was all said and done I decided to give Alice a call. She told me that she had given Edward my number and told him that I was going to be pretty busy for the rest of the day. She also told me he sounded really upset but that he wouldn't tell her why.

All I could think of was that he was upset for what happened between us last night. I don't think I could handle that right now if it were true.

I went back to the hotel room and took a shower. I washed off all the makeup and let the hot water sooth my aching muscles. After the romp with Edward last night and the photo shoot today, my body was sore. I stayed in there for what seemed like hours, but when I got out I had only been in there 20 minutes.

I went back into the room and hung up all of the clothes that I was given courteous of Designs by Alice. They were really great clothes, Alice did a fantastic job.

After I was done I decided to order some room service. 20 minutes later there was a knock on my door.

Thinking it was my food I opened the door and was surprised to see Jacob there.

"Jacob, what are you doing here?"

He didn't say anything at first, just walked in without being invited.

"Jacob, what are you doing? I really don't feel like having company tonight so if you don't mind I think you should leave." I said as I walked back to the door, opening it so he could leave.

"Bella, I just wanted to talk to you. I wanted to ask you earlier today but I chickened out. Would you like to go out sometime? Before you go on the road?" he said while looking down at the floor.

I didn't know what to say at first. I didn't want to lead him on, I still loved Edward. Should I tell him about my relationship, or non relationship I guess you could say with Edward?? I was so confused. I couldn't help but tell Jacob that I would have to take a rain check. I could see the disappointment on his face.

I did tell him that maybe when things settled down we could go out for a drink or something. I emphasized the maybe. He said he understood, gave me a kiss on the cheek and left.

I closed the door behind him, turned my back to the door and slid down to the floor. I could feel the tears on my cheeks. I didn't want to cry, I really didn't even know why I was crying in the first place. Oh wait, yes I do, my heart was broken years ago by Edward Sex on Legs Cullen, only to come face to face with him last night and I slept with him. What the hell was I thinking. The sound of my cell phone ringing broke my thoughts. I hurried over to my bag and pulled out my phone checking the caller id.

Edward.

"Edward." I said breathlessly in the phone. Shit, this couldn't sound good. It sounded like I was being interrupted in the middle of an afternoon romp in the sack.

"Bella? Um, am I interrupting something?"

"No, I just couldn't find my phone at first so I was rushing around trying to find it. Sorry."

"No, that's ok, I guess I really don't have the right to question you on your extra curricular activities do I?

There was something off about this conversation. I didn't like the feeling I was getting. It was all wrong.

"I was wondering Edward, would you like to go to dinner? I don't feel like sitting alone tonight and I think you and I have some things to talk about don't you agree? " I said sounding really hopeful.

He said he would pick me up at 6 o'clock down in the lobby. I was beginning to get excited. I was going on a date with Edward, it had been so long sine I was on an actual date. I was giddy. I quickly got in the shower, dried my hair, keeping it down, Edward used to love it when I kept my hair down. I decided to wear one of the dresses from Alice's collection that she gave me earlier. I would have to thank her tomorrow because I felt amazing in this dress.

Right at 6 o'clock I made my day down to the lobby. When I got off the elevator, I felt the very air that I breathe leave my body. Right before me was the most beautiful man I had ever seen. He walked over to me, I thought I was going to faint right there.

"You look wonderful." he said while kissing my cheek. He told me he had made reservations at a little restaurant in Port Angeles. We had a comfortable ride there. The conversation was laid back, to be honest it felt like we hadn't been a part these past few years. We talked about what had been going on in our lives, mine was a little more obvious than his of course.

Arriving at the restaurant I realized we are eating at the same place where we had our first date. I couldn't help but feel butterflies in my stomach.

Dinner was wonderful, he held my hand from across the table rubbing his thumb in circles on the back. He kept smiling at me and I think I feel in love with him a little bit more right then and there.

"So Bella, I think we need to talk about what happened last night. Would you like to go back to my place and talk?'

"Why Edward Cullen are you trying to get me back to your apartment just so you can have your way with me?" Please say yes, please say yes.

He laughed. What the hell? I don't see anything funny about this at all. Clearly he can feel the tension between us.

"That very thought is tempting my love but I really think we need to talk." Damn.

"Sure." That was all I could get to come out of my mouth? God I am hopeless.

Driving back to Edward's was a little awkward. We didn't really talk much. I took that time to think about what we needed to talk about when we got back to his place. I needed to be honest with myself. I still love Edward. Was I willing to jump back into things right away? Sure sure, a little too late for that since we had sex last night. Maybe that wasn't the greatest idea I'd had recently, but ohhhhh it was so good.

I was brought out of my thoughts when Edward told me we were there. Again, he quickly got out and came to open my door. We walked inside and he asked me if I wanted anything to drink. I told him I would have water for now. I wanted to make sure that I was fully aware of what was or wasn't going to happen tonight.

Edward told me if I wanted to change clothes he could find something for me to wear. We sat down on the couch and just stared at each other. God I wanted him so bad. Last night was not enough for me. I knew I was going to be leaving town soon and I was going to be traveling all over promoting my album but I wanted this, him, really, really bad.

"Listen Edward, I'm not going to sugar coat anything with you. Last night was…." I took a deep breath and sighed, "last night was amazing."

"Yeah it was. When I woke up this morning and you weren't there, I felt sick Bella. And then I saw you with that guy, with his hand on your back?" he said with his head resting in his hands.

"What? Jacob? Oh, no no no, you have that all wrong. Jacob was the photographer for the shoot I had this afternoon, nothing more Edward. I mean, he asked me out but I told him I wasn't going to start dating before I go on the road." Shit. I didn't mean for that last part to come out.

I could see the hurt in his eyes, so I just blurt everything out, everything that I had kept inside me for the past few years.

"What I meant when I told Jake that Edward was that I didn't want to start dating him. It's not that I don't want to be in a relationship, I do, it's just not with him. I know things between us have been crazy as hell and we seem to do things backwards, but I don't regret last night. Not at all, it was one of, if not, the best night of my life. I felt so comfortable with you, so in sync with you, it actually scares me how easy it was with you. Wait, that sounded bad didn't it? I didn't mean that you were easy…

"Bella."

"no, you're not easy, hell maybe I'm the easy one because it seems every time we get together all I can think about is ripping your clothes off and having my way with you, which eventually happens because I can't say no to you, ever…..

"Bella."

"I guess what I'm trying to say Edward is I used to think I hated you because of what happened, but seeing you and being with you last night made me realize that I don't hate you, I couldn't hate you. You were, you are my everything Edward and I hope that I am not making a complete ass of myself but this has been…

"Bella, Bella. Shut up for just a minute will you? "

I stopped talking. He was staring at me again. Wait, did he ever stop staring at me during my whole rant? I didn't remember because I was all over the place. When I finally looked at him he had a disappointed look. Shit, fuck fuck fuck I blew it. I shouldn't of said all of that shit to him, I knew I should have kept my mouth shut. Damn it.

"Bella, the reason I had to stop you is because I couldn't let you go on anymore….'

This was it, he's going to break my hear again, try not to cry Bella, get it together, just get up, walk out the door and walk out of Edward Cullen's life for good this time.

I did just that, I stood up, gathered my things and started to walk to the door.

"Wait, where do you thing you're going? We're not done talking" he said while pulling me back to the couch.

"I stopped you Bella because I needed to get a few things off of my chest. I know you think I cheated on you, but I swear on my life I didn't. I know at the time you didn't believe me, but I want you to know that what I told you after I kissed Jessica, I meant that Bella, I would never hurt you again. Tanya and I had an agreement to, god this is hard for me to say to you…Tanya and I had an agreement to me what one would call, 'friends with benefits'. We were just there for each other. I don't regret last night Bella, in fact I couldn't agree with you more that it was the best night of my life. You brought back the feelings that I thought were long gone. I know you are going to be busy with everything you've got going on, but Bella, I….I still love you Bella. I never stopped loving you, and I never will."

I hadn't realized that I was crying. He came over to me and wiped my tears off with his thumbs,

"Can I kiss you?" he whispered the words, I could barely hear him.

"Please do."

He slowly brought his lips to mine and the kissing started off slow and gentle. I put my hands at the nape of his neck, running my fingers though the fine hairs that I loved so much. He moaned in my mouth with every tug of his hair. He laid me back on the couch and started to kiss me with more passion.

"Make love to me Edward." I said staring deep into his eyes. God How I love those eyes.

He picked me up off the couch and walked into his bedroom. He put me down at the foot of the bed and we just stood there in front of each other, taking it all in. I moved my hands up to his shirt and slowly began unbuttoning his shirt. He reached his hands down to the bottom of my dress and lifted it over my head so all I had on was my bra and panties. I removed his shirt and started to unbuckle his jeans. I pulled his jeans and boxers down, letting his cock free of its confinement. I knelt down before his and took him in my mouth.

"Oh god Bella, that feels so good baby. So, so good." I took my tongue and swirled it around the tip of his dick causing him to moan. I sucked him in and out of my mouth, I could tell he was ready to come by the way his thighs were twitching.

"Baby, I love that you are sucking my dick but I don't want to come in your mouth." I looked up at him through my eyelashes with a smirk on my face.

"Isabella Swan you are going to be the death of me." he said while I stood up in front of him kissing his sweet, delicious lips.

I crawled up on his bed, unhooking my bra and throwing it on the floor with the rest of our clothes. Edward gently pushed me down on the bed so that I was laying on my back. He grabbed the band of my panties and pulled them down my legs, adding them to the pile on the floor. He kissed his way up my legs, paying extra attention to the place I wanted him more than anything. He brought his arms up and pressed my legs apart. He took his tongue and slowly, oh so slowly licked from my wet center up to my clit. He took my bundle of nerves and started sucking on it, I was so horny I knew I was going to come quickly. I could feel him enter a finger in me, then another, and another, pumping them in and out, hitting my spot with every pump.

"Oh god, oh god Edward, I'm. I'm, uggghhhhh"

" God baby that was so hot, I love watching you come like that."

He moved up my body and hovered above me. "I love you Bella." and with one thrust he was in me.

We stared off slow, we were making love to one another. He would kiss my lips, kiss my neck and make his way down to my breasts, sucking on each nipple. I needed him to go faster.

"I need you to go faster Edward, I need you so bad."

"Turn over Bella, get on your hand and knees."

With that I was on my knees and he was entering me from behind going deeper into my body with each thrust.

"Is…this….what…you….want??? He said while sliding his length in and out of my body.

"Yes, god yes Edward…make me cum, God I need to cum."

He pulled my body up so I my back was to his chest. He brought his hand around to my clit and began to rub circles.

'Come with me Edward, I need you to come with me.'

"Ugh, Bella, you feel so good, I'm gonna come" with a few more thrusts I could feel his orgasm throughout my entire body as I came with him.

We laid down on the bed and held each other tight.

"Edward?"

"Yes love?"

"What are we?"

I could hear him sigh. He pulled me closer if that was even possible.

"We, are whatever you want us to be Bella. I don't want to pressure you into anything. Go to sleep love, we'll talk about it in the morning. And you better be here when I wake up this time." he said while tickling my side.

"I wouldn't leave you, not again. I love you."

"Love you, my sweet, sweet Isabella."

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So?? You know what to do!!


	8. Just A Dream

Thanks everyone from the bottom of my heart!!

Don't own, Ms. Stephanie M. does~

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BPOV

Waking up next to Edward was like waking up on Christmas morning when I was 5 years old. My heart was thumping almost out of my chest, I was so happy.

He wasn't awake yet so I just laid there staring at him. His hair was a mess, all over the place, definitely sex hair. He had a 5 o'clock shadow going on and that made him even more sexier. I traced my fingers over his jaw, down to his neck, rubbing circles over his stomach. He shifted a bit and the sheet that was covering his lower half slipped down exposing the rest of his body to me. Damn. Just…damn.

I began moving my hand down his torso, palm flat against his hard abs, running my fingers through the hair below his belly button. I looked up at his face and he was smiling, oh god how I loved that smile.

"Good morning love." he said stretching his arms above his head and running his hands through his hair.

"How did you sleep?"

"Perfect, you?"

"I've slept better. Someone kept me up all night, talking."

"What? Oh god Edward, please tell me I didn't say anything to embarrassing.'

He didn't say anything. Shit, what did I say?

"Edward, what did I say?"

"Oh, nothing much, just that you were madly in love with me and that I was the only man who could give you multiple orgasms and that you really, really wanted to make mad, passionate love to me first thing this morning."

"Huh, I said that?"

"Yes, yes you did."

"Really, I said that? I thought it was more around the lines of I wanted to have this hot ass man make hot, mind blowing, monkey sex to me and take me on every surface in this apartment and try anything, and I mean ANYTHING that he may want to do because I am so fucking horny right now that if he doesn't stick his hard, long, thick cock in my ever so wet pussy, I. Will. Explode."

"Fuck baby. You sure you're up for this?" he said while pointing to his prominent erection.

"Try me."

He pulled me over so that I was laying on top of him. I could feel how hard he was for me. He thrust his hips into my center causing me to moan. Damn the things this man could do to my body. I started kissing his neck and his hands were roaming over by body, causing me to shiver. I was kissing my way down his body, I wanted to suck him off so bad, I was salivating. I traced the area below his belly button that created the wonderful V with my tongue. When I reached his cock I didn't hesitate, I quickly took him in my mouth as deep as I could go and with what I couldn't fit in my mouth I began to run by hand around the base of his length.

"Bella, oh Bella, that..that feels soo fucking good baby…." he said. "Keep sucking my dick and swing your tight little ass over my face, I wanna taste you."

Damn, that's all I could think was….damn.

While keeping him in my mouth I began to turn around so I was basically straddling his face. I could feel his hands rubbing my thighs & feel his breath on my core. He took his tongue and flicked my clit and slowing licked his way back. I kept sucking him in and out of my mouth while he worked me into a tizzy. He would suck on my clit, lick it, gently bite down on it sending the most erotic feeling throughout my body. I felt as he slid his fingers in me, pumping them in and out. What I didn't expect was when I felt his fingers slowly enter my ass while he was licking my bundle of nerves. I gasped.

"Is this ok? Am I hurting you?"

"No, god no Edward, that feels amazing."

I could tell he was about to cum as his thigh muscles began to twitch. I could feel my own orgasm in the pit of my stomach, I was ready to explode. With a couple more pumps in and out of my mouth I relaxed my throat muscles and took him in all the way, I felt him touch the back of my throat. As I did that I felt his hot liquid in my mouth and then I felt the most intense feeling I have ever had. My orgasm erupted through my body and I began to grind my hips onto his face. He licked up all of my juices and with one last kiss on my clit he turned me over so I was underneath him.

He kissed me passionately, slipping his warm tongue in my mouth. I could taste myself on him but I didn't care. He was laying in between my legs and I could feel him at my entrance. Slowly he slid himself in me and I let out this moan that came from deep within. God he felt so good.

Our bodies were so in tune with each other. He knew how to move his hips with each push that I felt the sensation from the soles of me feet to the top of my head. Edward really knew how to love me, and boy did he ever, over and over again.

"Get on your hands and knees Bella." he said while pulling out of me. I signed with disappointment, but I didn't dare tell him no. He turned me over and pulled me back onto his hard length, sliding into me with ease.

"Uah, Edward, you feel so good inside me." I took my hands and put them above my head so I could run my fingers through his hair. He moved one hand up and started to play with my nipple, rolling it between his fingers. The other hand went down to where we were connected and he started to rub my clit with the pad of his thumb.

"God Bella, I'm so close baby, I need you to cum with me, can you do that for me love?"

"Yes yes. Oh god YESSSSS"…..with a few more thrusts Edward was getting his release rocking his hips so he was moving in and out of me as I was riding out my orgasm. He kissed my neck below my ear.

"Marry me Bella."

Come again?

"What did you just say?"

He turned my body around and gently laid me down on the bed and he turned on his side to look at me.

"I said, marry me."

To say I was shocked would have been a lie. I knew in my heart that I loved Edward, I always have loved Edward. But I had so many things going on in my life that I didn't know if this would be a good idea or not. Plus, there was a secret I had been keeping from him and I knew that if I had told him that he would never made me feel the way he has these past few days.

"Bella, please say something. You're killing me here. I love you Bella, so, so much. So much it hurts."

"Edward, I can't marry you."

"Why Bella?"

"I, I just can't ok, can we just leave it at that?"

"No we can't. I know that you love me just as much so tell me why this would be such a bad idea huh?"

I got up to leave, I couldn't have this conversation right now. I was not expecting this to happen. I was hoping we would take the time to get to know one another again, to see where things headed. Tears were starting to run down my checks. I hurried up and ran into the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

Shit, what do I do? Should I tell him? God I can't tell him, it would ruin everything.

"Come on Bella, open the door. Running away from me won't change how I feel, I want to marry you Bella, I want to have a family with you, want to grow old with you and make you happy for the rest of our lives. Please come out." he said putting his head to the door. "Please. Please talk to me."

By now the tears were coming out as sobs, I couldn't hold it in anymore.

I opened the door to a teary eyed Edward.

"Bella, you're scaring me, what's wrong?"

"I'm sick Edward."

"What? Well why don't we just get you over to Carlisle, he'll check you out, I'm sure its nothing."

"No Edward, you don't get it. I'm sick. Antibiotics isn't going to make this go away."

"I don't understand Bella, please make me understand."

"I have cancer Edward, I'm dying."

He just stood there looking at me. I wish I could read his mind because I really wanted to know what he was thinking. Next thing I new he was holding on to me so tight and I could feel his body shaking against my small frame.

"Please tell me this is a dream. Tell me….tell me Damn it. I just got you back, I don't want to lose you again."

"I wish it were. God you don't know how bad I wish it was a dream."

He picked me up in his arms and carried me over to the bed. We just laid there, holding onto each other, crying and comforting one another. He kept placing small kisses all over my face and neck telling me how much he loved me.

"Love, you're tired, get some sleep and we'll talk about this more later ok?"

"Ummhmm." was all I said before I was out. I felt him place a kiss on my lips and whisper "you are my life now." into my hair and with one more kiss he slipped out of bed.

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EPOV

I needed to get out of there, I thought I was going to lose my mind. How can she be dying? This is some cruel joke, it has to be.

I quickly walked down the hall into my office. I needed to do something but I just didn't know what. So I picked up the phone.

"Carlisle, I need your help." I said before breaking down. "It's Bella."

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Ahhh, this felt like it took forever for me to write. I had so many different ideas for this story but I think I know where I am heading with this one. J


	9. Drag Me Away

Thanks for the hits and reviews, greatly appreciated.

Still don't own….

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EPOV

"It's Bella."

"Edward, son, what about Bella? Are you ok? Is she ok?"

"No dad, she's not. She sick, she has cancer." I could barely get the words out without crying.

"My God Edward, how is she doing?" Carlisle said with great concern.

"She's sleeping right now. She had a rough morning. I don't know the details about what, or where even, it's just she broke down and told me and she got all worked up so I told her she needed to rest and that we would talk about it later. God I feel so helpless."

"Listen Edward, why don't you and Bella come over later on and we will talk about this. I will help out in any way that I can and I can recommend a doctor for her. Until we get some answers you are going to have to try and be calm."

"Calm? CALM? How the hell can I be calm dad, huh? The love of my life tells me today that she can't marry me because she is dying and I'm supposed to be calm?"

"You asked her to marry you? Oh Edward."

"Yes, and she turned me down." I sighed.

"I don't know what I will do if something happens to her. I love her dad, more than I ever imagined possible." I couldn't stop crying.

"When you get around, stop by. I will let your mother know what is going on. Take care Edward and we will see you in a while.'

"Thanks dad."

I hung up the phone with my father and started to cry all over again. It wasn't until I felt a soft kiss on my lips that I realized I must have fallen asleep.

"Hey you." she said while kissing my lips again.

"How did you sleep love?" I grabbed her and pulled her down so she was laying on top of me.

"Ok, I would have slept better if you were there with me." She began peppering my face and neck with kisses.

I told her that I spoke with Carlisle and he wants us to come over later on so we can talk about this. She looked hesitant at first but then said that was probably a good idea.

We started kissing more passionately, I took her bottom lip and sucked on it gently and she let out a soft moan that went straight to my groin. She started to grind her hips over my now prominent erection.

"Make love to me Edward."

I couldn't deny her if I wanted to. I gently removed all of her clothing and worshiped her like she deserved.

We made love for hours it seemed, just the way its supposed to be, the way it should have been these past years.

Edward and Isabella.

Skin to skin.

Face to face.

After, we got ready to go over to my parents house. I didn't try to get Bella to talk about her cancer just yet, I didn't want her to have to tell it again once we got to my mom and dads. I knew this was going to be difficult for her, it was difficult for me knowing there wasn't anything that I could do to make this go away for her.

I could tell Bella was getting a little uneasy as we drove to my parents.

"Are you ok love" I asked her while rubbing circles on the back of her hand.

"Yeah, just a little nervous. I haven't really talked to anyone about being sick, other than my doctor." she said while looking out her window.

"You know that you can always talk to me or anyone in my family. They love you Bella." I told her reassuringly.

"I know, thanks Edward." she said finally looking at me trying to give me her best smile.

We pulled up to my parents house and Esme came out and took Bella into her arms. Bella broke down.

Esme and Bella had a special relationship, after Bella's mom decided she didn't want to me a parent anymore my mom filled her spot.

"It's ok Bella, let it all out." my mom told her while rocking Bella back in forth in her arms.

We made our way into the house, my mom offered us something to drink which we both declined for now.

My dad came into the room and gave Bella a hug and a kiss on her cheek before sitting down next to Esme.

No one wanted to bring up the inevitable. I couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"Bella, I think we need to talk about this. Are you ready to talk?"

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BPOV

I just sat there at first. Did I want to talk about this? No. I didn't. I wish I didn't have to talk about this but I knew that they, especially Edward deserved some answers.

"I have breast cancer. I was diagnosed about a month ago. The doctors said they found it pretty early but think it may have spread already, I'm currently waiting for some test results to come back, my doctor, Dr. Morris, said they should be back within a week. Then we'll decide when I will have surgery."

Edward wrapped his arms around me and was holding onto me with all of his strength. He kept whispering how sorry he was, how everything was going to be ok and that he will find the best doctor out there to help me. I didn't say anything in return, I just let him hold me.

Esme and Carlisle asked the basic questions, and I answered them the best that I could.

_Flashback_

_I had my yearly check up a few weeks back and while Dr. Morris was doing my breast exam she felt a lump. She told me that it could be nothing but to be on the safe side she wanted me to have a biopsy and a mammogram. I had the procedures done and am now waiting in Dr' Morris' office for the test results. They had called me yesterday letting me know that I needed to come in. I knew this couldn't be a good thing, I've never had to meet with the Dr. after having tests ran, they always were clear, so I knew something was wrong._

_Dr. Morris came into the room and sat down in the chair. Oh god, this is bad, I'm going to die._

_"Bella, the biopsy results came back and I'm afraid you have Invasive Breast Cancer. The cancer looks like it may have spread outside of the membrane but we will have to run more tests to make sure."_

_She kept talking but I didn't hear her. I could see her mouth moving and she was looking at me but I could no longer hear the words coming out of her mouth._

_"Bella, Bella?? "_

_"Um, what? Can you please tell me again cause I swear I thought you said I have cancer."_

_"Yes Bella, I did. You have breast cancer. With the history of it in your family I'm glad we caught it when we did. We can start radiation…."_

_"No, no I don't want to go though all the treatment, I just want to have surgery and remove my breasts."_

_"Don't you think that's a big decision to be making when you just found out."_

_"You said yourself that it runs in my family, why would I want to risk going through those horrible treatments to only have it return in 10 years? I want to have them removed, both of them."_

_"Ms. Swan, the cancer is only in the left breast, we wouldn't need to remove them both."_

_"No, I'm not taking any chances."_

_"Bella.."_

_"No Dr. Morris, there isn't anything that you can say or do that is going to make me change my mind."_

_End of Flashback_

After leaving, Edward asked if I wanted to go grab a bite to eat. I just wanted to go home and sleep. I felt so drained after the telling them, I had no energy.

"No, I think I just want to go back to the hotel if you don't mind. I want to rest."

"Sure thing love."

We got back to the hotel and I didn't want Edward to leave. I knew that I had a few promotional stops that I had to make before my album comes out and that this would be my last night in town. I wanted to spend as much time with Edward as I could.

"Edward, will you please stay with me? I don't want to be alone tonight."

He came over to me and wrapped his arms around me.

"Wild horses couldn't drag me away." he said kissing my head.

I had to laugh at him, Wild Horses was one of my favorite songs, he used to say that to me when we were together back in the day.

"Thanks Edward, I really appreciate it."

"Bella, can I ask you something? How do you plan on being on the road and going through all of this? Don't you think it'll be too much for you?"

"I thought about that, Ben knows I'm not well and that is why I'm not doing a big tour. This album was already done before I was diagnosed, I can't not do this, I don't know if I will be able to do it down the road so I figured why not now you know? "

"I just worry about you. I don't want anything happening to you when I can't be there for you.'

"I know, but I'm just going to do a few stops here and there, I promise you I won't wear myself out ok?"

I turned around in his arms so I could put my head against his chest. I could hear his heart beating so fast. I looked up at him and stood on my tip toes and kissed his chin. He tipped his head down and gently bit my bottom lip. He kissed me so slowly, never rushing the moment. He rubbed the small of my back with his hands pulling my body closer to his.

"I love you Isabella Swan." He said this while unbuttoning my shirt and pushing it down my shoulders onto the floor. I knew this would be our last night together for a few weeks until I came back towards Forks and I wanted to be close to him.

"I love you too Edward, always have."

I lifted his shirt up and he bent down so I could pull it over his head. He took his hand and unclasped my bra, letting it fall off my body. He bent down and kissed the swell of my breasts and kissed his way up my neck and sucked the spot right behind my ear. I shivered. God that felt so good. When he did that I felt so alive, like I could do anything. And with Edward, I believed I could.

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AN:

Ok, so I just wanted to let everyone know that I may not know all the facts of Breast Cancer but I'm going to try my best to make it real for this story.

Thanks again~

~Lou


	10. Without a Hitch

Thanks for the reviews and the adds….greatly appreciated.

Still don't own Twilight….

I apologize if my knowledge of cancer treatment is off, I thank my lucky starts that I haven't personally been though it, so I hope I don't offend anyone if I gets things a little off….

On that note, hope you enjoy!!

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BPOV

Things were going to be hectic these next few months. I found out that the cancer hasn't spread anywhere outside of my breasts, I was very thankful for that. Dr. Morris referred me to an Oncologist named Dr. Jackson and I had my first appointment with him a few days ago. He went over all of the treatment options that were available for cancer patients. I told him that I didn't want to have chemo or radiation, I wanted to have a double mastectomy. He didn't agree with it at first but after talking about it and seeing the family history of breast cancer in my family he said that the final decision was mine, and I was going to have them removed.

Don't get me wrong, I've thought about this a lot. Even before I was diagnosed I had thought about it. Breast cancer was very prominent on my mothers side. Her mom had it and so did my Aunt. The chances of me getting it were obviously very good, and so here I was, 25 years old and I have cancer.

I had to push back the promotional things for my album. The record company completely understood. They still wanted to release it even though there wouldn't be much publicity for it. I told Ben to let them know that was fine with me. I was going to stay near Forks for this, to be with the people who would help me the most throughout all of this.

Edward and I were officially a couple again. Much to Tanya's disapproval. What a bitch.

I had to go meet with the surgeon today and to see when I would have surgery. It was scheduled for 2 weeks from now. Having it set made it all seem real. I mean, I know I have cancer, but knowing that I'm going to get the girls removed, it was a little hard to swallow.

I was afraid of what Edward would think, I knew he loved my boobs, he told me quite frequently actually. I was just worried that once I had them removed he wouldn't find me attractive anymore.

The next couple of weeks were going to be horrible. I knew I had a lot of stuff to get done. I was thankful for Ben, he handled everything with the record label, they were great about everything. I mean, how could they not be right? It's not like I asked to have this horrible disease. Trust me, I would much rather be singing in smoky bars getting hit on my creepy men then have to go though this.

One night, after one of my pre-op appointments, Edward and I were in bed and I broke down. Edward wrapped his arms around me and held onto me so tightly.

"Bella, love, I know that this is really hard for you, but I want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. I want to be here for you Bella, just please know that ok?" he said whispering in my ear.

I turned over so that I was looking him in the eyes.

"I'm scared Edward. I'm so scared. I'm scared of everything. I feel that my whole life is going to be taken away from me. I try to keep a positive outlook on this, but it's so hard. I just wish I could go back to when everything was so simple, where I wasn't sick and we didn't have to worry about this."

" I know you're scared Bella, I'd be worried if you weren't. But you have to know that you will pull through this, I will be with you all the way, so will everyone else. You are not alone in this, you will never be alone in this. I love you so much Isabella Swan, words don't do justice to the feelings that I feel for you."

"Won't you miss them?"

"Them?"

"You know." I said gesturing to the girls.

"Oh. OH. Honestly? Yes, I will miss them, will I love you any less? No fucking way. You are perfect, you will be perfect. And if you feel that you want to have reconstructive surgery, I'm going to be there with you then. Come to think of it. " he said while cupping my breast, "I think you need to go up a few sizes."

"You're an ass you know that?"

"Yeah but I'm your ass." he said while kissing down my neck.

"Don't start something you can't finish Cullen."

"Who said I was stopping?"

I was spent, I couldn't form a coherent thought. I fell asleep in Edwards arms, this seemed to be a new pattern for me. Not that I was complaining.

EPOV

I couldn't believe Bella thought I would love her any less after her surgery. She was always thinking of other people. I wanted to take her away before it was time. I had spoken to her doctor and was told that as long as Bella was feeling up to it there was no travel restrictions. I wanted to do this now because I wasn't sure how she was going to be feeling after the surgery or what treatments they had planned.

I knew they said her recovery time would be weeks, but as far as treatment goes, they weren't sure if she would have to do radiation or chemo, that all depended on what they found when they went in.

I had asked Alice to help me get this together, Bella and I had been spending so much time together lately I didn't have time to get away to get things settled.

I was going to take Bella to Hawaii for a week, and be back 2 days before her surgery. What she didn't know was that she wasn't going to come back the same person. I had it all planned out, and I was praying this would go off without a hitch.

I was taking Bella to Hawaii to get married. She and I had talked about a lot of things these past few weeks and I knew that she wanted us to get married, she just didn't realized how soon.

Not only were Bella and I going, so was my family, and I even called Charlie and Renee. They said they wouldn't miss it for the world.

Alice had told me everything was set. Hotels were booked, she had a perfect dress for Bella, all I had to do now was get Bella to Hawaii. I had a feeling it wouldn't be as hard as I thought.

I had woken up before Bella so I wanted to make her breakfast. I made her favorite food and placed a single daisy on the tray and took it upstairs.

When I walked into the room, the sight before me took my breath away. She was laying on her stomach and her hair was all over the place. The sheet was laying loosely across her hips, her back was bare and I could see the rise and fall of her body as she laid there asleep.

I put the tray down on the desk and went over and placed kisses all over her back. She started to move under my lips.

"Umm, what a way to wake up." she said while turning over on her back. She sat up and kissed my lips.

"What smells so good?" She looked around the room and noticed the tray on the desk.

"You made me breakfast in bed? Oh Edward, can you get any more perfect?"

"I try love, I try. Actually. I think I may be able to. What would you say to a little get away? You know, take our mind off of things before your surgery?"

She just stared at me. Shit, she doesn't want to go. What do I do now, she wasn't saying anything.

"Bella?"

"When do we leave?"

'Tomorrow night."

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

"You know I don't like surprises."

"Tough shit, I'm not going to tell you."

"Please?" she said giving me her puppy dog eyes.

"Nope, not going to work. You'll just have to wait and see."

"You're no fun you know that?"

"That love, is where you are wrong."

"What do you mean?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

I went over and picked up the tray off of the desk and brought it over to her. I knew she was hungry, her stomach was rumbling.

"Eat Bella, I'm going to take a shower, why don't you join me when you're done." I said while giving her a quick peck on the lips.

"If I join you now will you tell me where we're going?"

"Nope." I said while walking into the bathroom.

"Bastard."

"Hey, I heard that." I said while turning on the shower.

God, I hope this is a good idea.

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Next chap. Hawaii

Review people!!


	11. Don't Know What I'd Do

Don't own Twilight…

Thanks for the reviews!

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BPOV

Riding to the airport I still had no idea where he was taking me. He had Alice pack a bag for me, that in itself was a little scary. I wasn't even allowed to see what she packed, she told me I had to trust her. She swore she had everything that I would need, if not, I could buy what I needed when we got there.

When we got to the airport Edward told me he wanted to put a blind fold in me. I told him he was taking this a little too far, he just laughed and told me to go along with it. I couldn't refuse this man anything so I reluctantly put on the stupid blind fold.

I felt stupid being taken through the airport like this but I didn't want to be a spoil sport. We finally were on the plane and Edward took my blind fold off. He had gotten us seats in first class, I've never flown first class before so I was a little excited.

"Oh my gosh Edward, look how much leg room we have. Isn't this awesome?" I said bouncing in my seat.

"Love, you have to stop bouncing, " he said with his infamous panty dropping smile.

I swear, that boy had sex on his brain all the time, not that I mind. At all.

"Are you going to finally tell me where we are going? I really wanna know."

"How bad do you want to know?"

"So bad that if you tell me, I'll definitely make it worth your while." I whispered in his ear.

The stewardess walked by our row and Edward asked her for a blanket in pillow. I think I like what's on his mind. She brought us back the items and Edward quickly took the blanket and covered our legs. I leaned into him and placed my hands below the blanket and slowly began to rub his cock over his jeans.

"Why Mr. Cullen, are you saying you want me to give you head if you tell me the location of our little get away?"

He just smiled. God how I loved that smile.

"We're going to Hawaii love."

"What? Hawaii? Edward, I've always wanted to go there." I said while planting a big ol kiss on his lips.

"I know love, I know."

God, could this man get any more perfect?

I settled in my seat as we taxied down the run way. I was so happy to be going away for a while. I needed this, we needed this, more now than anything.

The flight wasn't all that bad, we were flying at night so there wasn't much to look at out the window. Edward had fallen asleep so I thought now would be the perfect time to thank him for telling me where we were going.

The lights were all turned down in the cabin. The blanket was still covering our lower halves and I began stoking him. I slowly unbuttoned his jeans and his erection was visible through his boxers. I took him out of his confines and slipped down under the blanket so I was kneeling between his legs. Thank God for first class right?

I licked up his length from base to tip and flicked my tongue across the slit, taking his pre cum in my mouth. I couldn't help but moan a little. I felt Edward begin to move a little bit so I stopped, I didn't want him to wake up completely, not yet at least.

I put him all in my mouth and began sucking him in and out. He must have realized what I was doing because I felt the blanket being lifted up and when I glanced up at him while his cock was in mouth he was looking at me with lust filled eyes. I cocked an eyebrow and continued what I was doing. He dropped the blanket and I could tell me was now gripping the armrests of his seat. I knew he was close because he was making this little grunting noises. Ahh how I loved those noises.

We finally landed and were in a taxi on our way to the hotel. Edward said he had requested a suite at The Kahala Hotel and Resort. When we pulled up I was speechless, which says a lot for me.

Edward told me we had dinner reservations at this restaurant down the road at 5:30 pm. I decided to take a nap before we went. I woke up hearing Edward on the phone in the other room. I couldn't make out what he was saying, something about making reservations for something tomorrow, but I wasn't sure.

I got up and walked out to the living room where he was sitting on the couch. I straddled his legs and began kissing his neck. He told whoever he was on the phone with he had to go and hung up.

"Who was that?" I asked him while kissing his neck.

"No one important." he said while rubbing my lower back.

"You're keeping a secret, I don't like secret's Edward."

"Just something I have planned for tomorrow. Don't worry about it love, lets get in the shower and get ready for dinner shall we?" With that said he picked me up and carried me into the bathroom. He sat me down on the counter and turned on the shower, making sure the temperature was just right. He turned around and helped me get undressed and I helped him. We both entered the shower and took turns washing each other, gently and slowly.

After we had gotten out I picked out a light yellow sun dress to wear and let my hair dry naturally so it would have a little wave to it. I grabbed a pair of flip flops and applied light make up and was ready to leave. When I walked out of the room I was greeted by the most gorgeous man ever. Edward was dressed in a pair of khaki shorts and a baby blue button down shirt with his sleeves rolled up to his elbows and a pair of flip flops. He was holding a daisy in his hand. He walked over to me and put the delicate flower behind my ear. "Perfect." he said while kissing my lips.

We walked down the road to a little outdoor restaurant that faced the ocean. I was breathtaking as the sun was beginning to set. We ordered our food and fell into easy conversation about everything that was going to be happening in the next few months. I didn't lie to him, I told him that I was scared to death of all that was about to happen. He told me he would be there for me though it all.

After dinner we took a walk along the beach. Walking hand in hand down the shoreline I noticed up a head there were candles in the sand and there were a group of people.

"Oh honey look, I wonder what's going on?" I said glancing over at Edward.

"I don't know love, why don't we go check it out." he said.

We continued down the way and as we got closer to the group of people I happened to look over and Edward who was giving me his infamous smile. God how I love this man. When I turned back towards the group I stopped dead in my tracks.

"Holy shit, what are all of you doing here? Mom? Dad? Can someone please tell me what is going on?"

I turned back around to find Edward, he wasn't standing beside me.

He was kneeling in the sand.

"Edward? What is this?" I said while dropping to my knees in front of him.

"Bella, I love you. God how I love you. You are my everything, my sun, my moon. I can't imagine living my life without you more than I already have. I wanted to bring you here, in front of our family and friends and ask you a question I should have asked you a long time ago, Isabella Marie Swan will you marry me? Right here, right now?" he said while holding a beautiful yellow diamond engagement ring.

To say I was shocked was an understatement. I had no idea this was going to happen. But I wanted it to happen.

"Yes, yes a million yeses I will marry you Edward." I said while throwing myself at him, tackling him in the sand placing kisses all over his face and neck.

"You don't know how happy I am to hear you say that Love." he said while grabbing my left hand and slipping the ring on my finger. He gently kissed it, "I love you."

"I love you too."

I had forgotten we had an audience behind us so we quickly got up off the sand and headed over towards our family. I couldn't believe he had this all planned out, with everyone being able be here.

I walked over to my parents and gave them big hugs. They told me how happy they were for us and that they couldn't have asked for a better man in my life. I had to agree with them on that one.

Boy, Edward wasn't kidding when he said he wanted to get married tonight. He had arraigned a preacher to be here tonight, to marry us in front of the people who meant the world to us.

Alice being Alice told everyone that I needed to go change and that we would be back in 30 minutes. We quickly ran back to the hotel room where when we walked in I realized there was a garment bag hanging over the chair.

"Alice, I can't believe this is happening. Please tell me this isn't a dream." I said while holding onto her hands before I passed out.

"This isn't a dream Bella, you're getting married tonight." she said while jumping up and down. "And boy do I have the perfect dress for you to wear." She went over to the bag, unzipped it and pulled out this simple white satin dress that would fall below my knees. I knew this was a one of a kind dress because I hadn't seen something so perfect for me.

"Did you design this?" I asked while rubbing my hand over the fabric.

"Sure did Bella, only for you. Now get into that dress and lets get you married."

Next thing I knew we were walking back down to the beach and my dad was waiting for me.

"You ready Bells?" he said while holding out his hand for me to hold.

"I've never been more ready for anything in my life dad."

"Well then, I think we have a wedding to attend to. Shall we?"

Walking back to the spot on the beach where our family and friends were waiting I became overwhelmed with emotion. I could feel the tears in my eyes but I willed them away. I didn't want to cry, not tonight.

We finally made it, the candles were now placed so they were lighting up a walk way for my father and I to walk down. There was no music, no rose petals, just the sound of the ocean in the background and the beating of my heart. I saw Edward had changed also, he was now wearing a pair of khaki pants and a white button down shirt with the top couple of buttons undone. I nearly lost my breath. When we made it down to the preacher my dad turned to me and kissed me on my check. He then turned to Edward and gave him a hug and said something in his ear that I wasn't able to catch. Edward just smiled and took my hand.

We decided to go with the traditional vows since I wasn't able to prepare something since I had no idea we were going to be getting married tonight.

Once we were pronounced husband and wife, Edward picked me up in his arms and kissed me with so much passion, I never felt more loved than I did at that moment. Gently placing me back on the ground we turned to our family and friends and shared hugs and kisses. Edward told me that tomorrow we would be having a small reception at the hotel. So that's what he had been planning. What a sneak he was.

I couldn't keep my hands off of him, my husband. God just thinking that turned me on. I was going to have this man for the rest of my life. We were embraced in a very steamy kiss when we were told by Emmett to get a room. We both just laughed.

"Oh I plan on it." Edward said while scooping me in his arms and walking back to the hotel. When we got back, we were told our suite was ready. They had upgraded our room, which I didn't think was possible because the room we were staying in was wonderful.

We opened the door to our room and Edward picked me back up. "I have to do this, I've always wanted to do this." He carried me into the room and kissed me again before he sat me down on our bed.

"I love you Mrs. Cullen."

"I love you Mr. Cullen."

I stood up and turned around so that my back was to him. I swept my hair to the side revealing my neck and the zipper to my dress.

"Could you help me out of this?"

"I never though you'd ask." he said while slowly unzipping my dress, letting it pool at my feet. I carefully stepped out of my dress and turned back to face him.

"You are so breathtaking." He began to pepper my skin with kisses, every once in a while I would feel his tongue slip out and caress my skin. I took my hand reached up and started to unbutton his shirt. I was shaking. I couldn't tell you why I was shaking, nerves I guess. It's not like I hadn't been with Edward before, our sex life was amazing. But this time was different, this would be the first time we would make love as husband and wife. The anticipation was killing me.

I managed to get his shirt off and I rubbed my hands down his chest. I heard his breath hitch when I reached the top of his pants. I ran my fingers under the waistband of his briefs and he let out a moan.

"You're going to be the death of me Mrs. Cullen." he said while laying be back on the bed. He began to kiss me, nice and slow at first but then he started to get more aggressive. Our tongues fighting for dominance, our touches getting hungrier. He took his knee and placed it between my thighs, spreading them apart. I opened them as far as I could go so that he could lay down with me. I wrapped my legs around his waist pushing on ass to bring him closer to me. I could feel how ready he was for me. I let out a small moan. He took off my panties and threw them on the floor with the rest of our clothes.

"Make love to me Edward. I need you to make love to me."

He got up off the bed and took off his pants and crawled back to me, kissing my body all the way.

I ran my hands over his back, taking my nails and scratching him as I did. He shivered and signed in my ear. He stood back up at the end of the bed and just stared at me. At first I thought I did something wrong but then he dropped to his knees and grabbed by feet and pulled me down the bed so I was near the edge. He kissed each of my thighs and then he kissed where I needed him the most. He brought me to ecstasy quickly and I was seriously out it. The things he could do with his tongue, and gawd those fingers, ugh, should be illegal, really it should.

I pulled him up so that I could feel him at my entrance. "I need you." was all I sad and with one movement he was in me. We started rocking into each other. He would kiss the spot behind my ear that would drive me crazy. I took my hands and wrapped them under his arms so I could hold onto his shoulders. Our pace began to quicken as we kissed as if it were our last.

"God Bella you feel so good. I love you, I love you so much." he said as his hips pounded in me.

"I love you too baby, so so much."

I could feel I was about to explode, the familiar feeling in my stomach started making its way though my body.

"Oh Edward, oh God, oh oh, don't stop, unghhhh" I screamed as my orgasm ripped through my body.

I tightened my legs around his waist and pushed him into me as he was thrusting. I felt him push his body into me a few more times and release in me, all the while moaning my name over and over again.

"Wow, baby, that was…there just isn't words for that." he said leaning his forehead against mine.

"I agree, whole heartedly."

He pulled out of me and I whimpered at the loss of having him in me. We just felt so right together, everything was just so perfect.

"I love you, Bella." he said while pulling me closer to his body so he could wrap his arms around me. He kissed the back of my head and nuzzled his face in my hair. I heard him take a deep breath and let out a sigh.

"Is everything ok Edward?" I asked.

"Of course love, everything is perfect, just perfect." he said kissing my head again.

"Let's get some sleep, we have a big day a head of us tomorrow."

I turned over so that I was now facing him.

"Thank you."

"For what love?"

"For loving me, for taking care of me. I don't know what I would do without you."

"You're more than welcome. And now, you'll never have to know what you'd do without me cause I'm not going anywhere."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

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Sorry it took so long for this update!! Things have been a little crazy around here. Nothing we can't handle.!


	12. Stand By Me

Sorry it's been so long since I've updated last. Hopefully I still have some followers out there.

S.M. owns Twilight

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BPOV

I could feel feather like touches. Soft, gentle and totally erotic.

"Good morning Edward." I said opening one eye to look up at him.

"Good morning Mrs. Cullen. How did you sleep last night?" he said while still peppering my body with kisses.

"Oh, I don't know, ok I guess, I mean, I've slept better. Someone kept hogging the bed and wouldn't let me sleep, something about wanting to make…." Before I knew it he had pinned me down on the bed and was tickling the hell out of me.

"Baby, baby, you've gotta stop. I've gotta pee, Edward, please!" I said gasping for air. He finally let me go and I bolted to the bathroom. I could hear him laughing. "So not funny Edward, you almost made me pee my pants, well, if I was wearing pants" I decided while I was in there that I may as well hop in the shower. Well, not actually hop, that could prove to be a deadly mistake for me.

As I stepped in the shower I was hoping that Edward was going to join me, I was sadly disappointed. When I got out, I quickly wrapped a towel around myself and made my way back into the room. The sight before me, ugh, there just weren't words. Edward had fallen asleep, he was laying on his stomach, only in his pajama pants, which were riding really low on his body. Yummy.

I decided to let him sleep while I got ready for our little party this afternoon. I noticed there was a garment bag hanging on the back of the closet door. Alice. Damn that woman. I opened the bag and was blown away. It was an original, that I'm sure of. I've never seen anything like it, it was gorgeous. I quickly put it on and decided to head down to the hall where we are going to have our reception. Edward had done so much for us while we were here, I wanted to do something special for him. What it was, I couldn't tell you, but it had to be something wonderful.

When I got down to the hall I ran into Alice. I told her that I wanted to do something special for Edward. I began telling her what I had planned, I wanted to sing a song for Edward. I knew he had heard me sing before but I knew he would love it. He said he loves to hear me sing. I got everything set up and headed back up to the room. When I got up there I realized Edward was still asleep.

"Eddwarrddd, oh Eddwarrdd, time to wake up honey." I began to move by fingers down his spine. Surely this would wake him up, right? Wrong.

I crawled up on the bed and slowly licked him from the base of his spine up his back and ended up sucking on his ear. I felt him shiver underneath me and I was sure he was awake now. He flipped over on his back about knocking me off the bed.

"Now that, my love, is a wonderful way to wake up." he said planting kisses all over my neck and collarbone.

"You better get ready Edward. We have to be down to the hall in an hour."

"Let's just skip it and stay here in bed all day. I wanna have sex with my beautiful wife."

"Not that I'm not game for that, because, trust me, I am, but we really need to do this. Besides, the earlier we go down there, the earlier we get to leave and then we can come back up here and you can do with me as you please."

"Those are dangerous words Mrs. Cullen, the thoughts that are running through my head aren't very nice."

'I should hope not." I said while sliding off the bed. I told him that I would be out in the other room while he showered and changed clothes.

When I heard the shower start I ran over to my bag and pulled out my journal that I have been keeping since I found out I have cancer. Just odds and ends of stuff that I want to remember, things I want to say to my family and friends, and now, my husband. Just thinking about Edward makes my heart race. I knew that he was my soul mate, and it made me sad to think of all the years we didn't get to spend together over a misunderstanding on my part. At the time I thought I was doing the right thing, by leaving Edward and my family behind. I was wrong, I admit that now. But there isn't anything to do about that. I just had to focus on my future, our future. I know I had a rough time ahead of me, but I had to be positive. When I heard the shower turn off I quickly put my journal back in my bag. This wasn't something I wanted Edward to see quite yet, I needed this for me.

When Edward walked out of the bedroom and into the kitchen were I was, my knees went weak. One would think after all this time the man wouldn't have the same effect on me as he did the first day I met him. Boy was I wrong. He walked up to me, placed his arms around by body and kissed on my temple.

"You look wonderful, Love."

"Thanks Edward, you don't look so bad yourself." I stretched up on my tip toes and placed a big wet kiss on his neck. He just laughed at me.

"Well, shall we go Mr. Cullen? I do believe our guests are waiting downstairs."

"No,"

"No, what?"

"I'm not ready to go."

"And why's that?" I said with a confused look on my face.

"Because, I need to do something first."

"Oh yeah? And what is that Edward?"

"This."

And before I could even blink he had me wrapped up in his arms and placed on top of the dining room table.

"You know Bella, I didn't get to eat breakfast this morning." he said with a crazy look in his eyes. He began to push my dress up my thighs. He traced his hands up towards my underwear but stopped abruptly when he realized I wasn't wearing any.

"God Bella, where you gonna tell me you weren't wearing any panties?" He leaned over and kissed his way up to the spot I needed him the most.

"Well, since I didn't get to eat breakfast, I guess I'm gonna have to…eat…you." and he did, God how he did. The feelings he brought out in me couldn't be put into words. My hips would buck off the table and he would hold them down with his forearms and continue to play my body with his magical fingers and tongue. When I came down from my high, he came out from under my dress with the biggest fucking grin I have ever seen. God he was breathtaking. In every sense of the word.

I sat up on the table and undid his pants. My hands were shaking with anticipation. His shorts fell to the floor along with his boxers and before I knew it he thrust himself in me.

"Oh god baby you feel so good." I said wrapping my legs around his waist. This was no love making, this was your good old fashion quickie. With a few more thrusts of his hips we both were falling over the edge into pure bliss. We just stood there, holding each other until we caught our breath.

He pulled his head back so he was looking into my eyes, " I love you Bella."

"I love you too baby." I said, placing a kiss on the tip of his nose.

After cleaning up a bit and making sure all of our clothes were in place we headed downstairs to our reception. When we walked in Alice ran over asking us why it took so long to get down here. When she saw the blush on my face she rolled her eyes and lead us over to our awaiting guests.

Everything was so lovely. The food was perfect, the atmosphere of the room was so peaceful. I couldn't have asked to spend my time with a better group of people.

It came time for Edward and I to share our first dance as husband and wife. I didn't know what song we were doing to dance to, Edward said he had it all planned out.

When he lead me out to the makeshift dance floor I heard the beginning beats of this all to familiar song.

He took my hand, brought it up to his mouth and kissed it and held me tightly in his arms.

_When the night has come and the land is dark_

_And the moon is the only light we'll see_

_No I won't be afraid, no I won't be afraid_

_Just as long as you stand, stand by me_

_So darlin' , darlin' stand by me, oh stand by me_

_Oh, stand by me, stand by me_

_If the sky that we look upon should tumble and fall_

_Or the mountain should crumble to the sea_

_I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear_

_Just as long as you stand, stand by me_

_And darlin' , darlin' stand by me, oh stand by me_

_Woah, stand now, stand by me, stand by me._

_Darlin' darlin' stand by me, oh, stand by me, _

_Oh stand now, stand by me, stand by my_

_When ever you're in trouble won't you stand by me……_

We didn't move much during our dance, we just held each other, gently swaying back and forth. I couldn't stop the tears from falling from my eyes, neither could Edward. When the song was over, we kissed before we pulled apart. When we looked at our family and friends we realized we weren't the only ones that were crying.

Alice came over to me and told me that it was time to give my gift to Edward. She said I had a few minutes to gather myself and said there was a piano already in the room.

I took a few deep breathes and walked up to Edward. I know I have to need to be nervous about doing this, I mean, this is what I do for a living. But for some reason I had a million butterflies in my stomach.

"Honey, I have a surprise for you, will you please come with me." I grabbed his hand and lead him over to the chair that was set up beside the piano.

I sat down at the piano and began to play.

_Something in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself_

_Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms_

_There's something in your voice, makes my heart beat fast_

_Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life_

_If you knew how lonely my life has been_

_And how long I've been so alone_

_And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along_

_And change my life the way you've done_

_It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me_

_It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from_

_It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me_

_It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong_

_A window breaks, down a long dark street_

_And a siren wails, in the night_

_But I'm alright, cause I have you here with me_

_And I can almost see, through the dark there is light._

_Well if you knew how much this moment means to me_

_And how long I've waited for your touch_

_And if you knew how happy you are making me_

_I never thought that I'd love anyone so much_

_It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me_

_It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from_

_It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me_

_It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong_

_It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong_

I finished the song, placed my head in my hands and broke down. Edward ran over to me and wrapped me up in his arms. He was whispering in my ear but I couldn't hear what he was saying over my sobs. Everything that has happened over the past few years, weeks hit me like a tidal wave. All the happiness, all my fears were being thrown at me and I couldn't handle it anymore.

He carried me out of the room and down to the beach. He sat down on the sand and cradled me in his arms.

"Bella, talk to me, please honey, are you ok? That was the best gift I have ever received. You were beautiful singing that song."

I couldn't speak at first. I was trying to gather my emotions, I felt like such a fool for getting upset in front of everyone. This is the happiest I have been in a while, but there was this feeling I had, a feeling I couldn't get out of my head.

"I'm sorry Edward. I don't want you to think that I'm not happy, because I am. I'm just so scared."

Edward started rubbing my back and placing kisses on the top of my head.

"I know baby, I know you're scared. And I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little scared too. But you've got the best Doctors helping you out with this, and you know that I will be here every step of the way. We all will be here. We love you Bella, you are a strong woman and you will beat this."

I turned around in his arms so that I was looking into his eyes. We just sat there for a few minutes having a conversation without words. I could feel the love he has for me through his eyes and I am sure he could do the same with me. I loved this man with every inch of my soul. He was my life now and I had to be strong for him, for us, and for our future.

We made our way back into the reception hall and I apologized to everyone for my outburst. They told me not to worry about it, that they understood that things were a little emotional right now. I couldn't have agreed more. After we sat around and talked and just enjoyed each other company, Edward whispered in my ear and told me he was ready to leave. We said our good byes to everyone and headed up to our room.

I went into the bathroom and drew a bath. I lit candles around the room and added some scented oil to the bath water. I took off my dress, put my hair up into a bun and slowly slid into the steaming water. I placed my leg over the side of the tub so when he came into the bathroom he would get an eye full. I called for Edward to come into the bathroom. When he came into the room he stopped dead in his tracks and gasped.

"Care to join me?" I said.

"Yes, yes I would." He got undressed, I swear he was trying to torture me with how slow he was going. He stepped into the tub so he was sitting in front of me and I wrapped my legs around his body. We sat there in each others embrace, taking turns washing each other. This time wasn't about sex, it was bout us being there for each other. I needed this after the day we just had. We got out when the water started to chill. Edward climbed out first and dried off. Again, I he must be trying to kill me because he took his sweet old time dragging the towel all over his body in slow motion. Once he was done he helped me out of the tub, took a fresh towel and slowly dried me off, not missing a spot on my body. He lifted me in his arms and carried me over to the bed. He sat me down and I crawled over to my side. He soon followed and slid into bed beside me. I rolled over so that we were facing each other. I could tell he was getting tired, but I needed something from him.

"Edward?" I said biting my lower lip.

He opened his eye, raising an eyebrow. "Yes love."

"Will you do me a favor before you fall asleep?"

"For you, anything." he said, I knew I had his full attention.

"Make love to me. I need you to make love to me."

He pulled me in his arms and started to kiss me. This wasn't rushed like earlier, this was us being together, as husband and wife, as best friends, as soul mates.

We took our time exploring each others bodies. There wasn't a inch untouched, un-licked, un-kissed.

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_So…what did you think? Again, I apologize this chapter took so long to get out. _

_Songs mentioned in this chapter:_

_Stand By Me- Ben E. Kin_

_Feels Like Home sung by Chantal Kreviazuk_

_Both songs can be found on YouTube_


	13. I Remember

Hey all, thanks to those who have added this story to their favs &/or alerts. It's greatly appreciated.

Don't own Twilight…the great S.M. does!~

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EPOV

Bella and I had just got back from Hawaii, we drug our luggage upstairs to the bedroom and collapsed on the bed. Bella was due to be at the hospital tomorrow morning, 9:00 am. The doctor told her the surgery itself shouldn't take that long. The reconstructive surgery she was planning on having would take a little longer. I would joke with Bella, telling her she needed to go up a few sizes, what can I say?, I'm a boob man.

I realized Bella had fallen asleep, I placed a quick kiss on her check and went downstairs to check the mail that had piled up over the week. Bills, bills, and more bills. I threw it down on the table and went into the kitchen to start some dinner. I knew the next few months were going to be stressful for us. With her surgery and the new album coming out, things were about to get a little crazy.

I didn't hear Bella get up until I felt her arms around my waist as she placed a kiss on my back.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" she mumbled in my back.

"I thought you could get some sleep, you have a busy day tomorrow." I said as I turned around and kissed the top of her head. "Dinner's ready." I carried the plates into the dining room and we sat down to a nice meal. I knew she wouldn't be able to eat after midnight tonight so I wanted her to have some good food in her belly.

"Did we get anything worth while in the mail?"

"Nope, just bills."

"Oh."

"Oh? Where you expecting something?"

"Nope, just was wondering."

I knew she had a lot on her mind, who wouldn't. I wanted to be there for her every step of the way, but these past few days I felt as though she was pulling away from me a little bit and that scared me.

"Love, is everything ok? Is there something on you mind you wanna talk about?"

She sighed. "Nothing that I haven't been thinking about for the past few months. Same old shit, different day." she said as she carried her half eaten dinner into the kitchen.

She quietly returned the bedroom and I could hear the shower running. I walked down the hall and I stood outside of the bathroom door, listening. I know I should have let her have her moment but I couldn't stand to be away from her. I opened the door and saw the outline of her body through the shower door. She was breathtaking. She had her leg propped up on the ledge shaving her leg. I stood there for a moment just watching. I don't know if she heard me enter the bathroom, if she did, she didn't say anything.

Once she was done shaving she grabbed her body wash.

"Gee, I wish I had someone help me wash my back." she whispered with a flirtatious voice.

I couldn't help but chuckle as I stripped out of my clothes. I opened the shower door and stepped in behind her. I grabbed the body wash from her hand and worked up a good lather all over her body. I took the removable showerhead off its hook and began to rinse off her body. Once I would have the soap washed off I would replace the water with kisses.

Once we were out of the shower Bella went to make sure she had everything she needed for her hospital stay. They weren't sure how long she would have to stay in the hospital, it all depended on how well she was recovering. I didn't bring up the surgery a lot this morning, I figured if she wanted to talk about it she would.

We got dressed, loaded the car and headed to the hospital. I was scared for her. I was worried how she was going to handle everything. The doctor said she more than likely wouldn't have to do any other treatment after the surgery, but they would be able to be sure once they were in there and see if it had spread.

Arriving at the hospital we checked in at patient registry. They took Bella back to fill out some forms and get the necessary hospital bracelets. Once she came back out to the waiting room we were told to head to the 5th floor and to wait in sitting area. When we got up there we sat down and waited. The nurse came out and took us back into the room to they could prep her for the surgery. After she was washed, shaved and put into the standard issued hospital gown all we had to do now was wait. And boy did we wait.

"Are you still gonna love me?"

"What? Why would ask a silly question like that? Of course I'm still gonna love you, why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know Edward, things are just flying though my mind at a hundred miles per minute and I keep thinking what if I don't come out of this? What if the cancer has spread, what if they can't do the reconstructive surgery like I want them to? The what ifs."

I climbed up on the bed with her and held her in my arms.

"You listen to me Isabella Cullen and you listen to me good. I don't want you to think about the what ifs ok? You ARE going to come though this surgery and we will work on the recovery part together do you understand?"

"I'm trying Edward, I really am, it's just so hard." I whispered in his neck.

"I know love, I know."

We must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew we were being woken up by the nurse telling us they were ready.

BPOV

It's time. It's TIME. IT's time. Shit, it's time. I remember my family and friends coming in telling me their well wishes. I remember Edward rubbing my back, placing kisses in my hair. I remember them wheeling me into the operating room and I remember falling asleep.

Then I woke up.

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Hope you liked. I'm sorry this chapter is short! Please review.


	14. Lost Again

Stephanie M. owns Twilight,~

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BPOV

I woke up to a dark room. I could see Edward asleep on the pull out couch, he was laying on his back, one leg hanging off the side, the other stretched out over the end. I had to giggle, he looked so cute. But I was soon brought to the reality of what I had just been though. By the pain I was in, giggling was not a good idea.

He must of heard me wince as jumped up off the couch and came rushing over to my bed.

"Babe, how are you feeling? Are you in pain? Do you need anything?" he kept going on and on, wouldn't let me get a word in.

"Shitty, yes and pain medication…please." I said trying to muster up a smile.

"I'll be right back." he said and he was gone.

I took a look around the room and I could see flowers, balloons, stuffed animals. I had only been here a day, that was weird all of this had arrived in one day.

Edward came back in with a nurse who took all of my vitals. She gave me some pain meds and told me they should kick in in about 20 minutes. I thanked her and she exited the room.

Now that I was fully awake I wanted to ask Edward about the surgery.

When I looked at him sitting on the couch, I realized he had fallen asleep again. Oh well, I'll just have to ask him about it later. I sat there and watched him sleep before my own eyes started to close.

Awhile later I woke up to Edward rubbing my legs. He smiled up at me and asked if there was anything that I needed. I told him I didn't but that I wanted to know how the surgery went and where all of these flowers and presents came from since I had only been here for a day.

He got up from the end of the bed and came and sat down beside me and picked up my hand.

"Love, you've been here for 4 days. There was a complication during the surgery, you lost a lot of blood and have been in and out of it for a few days now."

"What? How did this happen?" I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what to say.

"When the doctor went in to remove your breasts they saw the cancer had spread out side of the original area they thought it was in. They did their best at removing it all but said you will have to go though some radiation and possible chemotherapy to be sure."

I looked down at my bandaged chest and broke down crying. Edward tried to consol me the best he could without hurting me. He began to tell me that they weren't able to do the reconstructive surgery because of the complications. That made me cry even harder. I was having enough of a time with the fact that I was going to have fake boobs, now I don't have any? How is he ever going to look at me the same again?

All of the sudden, I felt very ugly. Unwanted. I knew deep down inside that this wasn't the truth but I couldn't stop thinking it.

As if Edward could sense my emotions, he wrapped his arms around by gently, not hugging me too tight. He placed kisses all over my face, whispered the kindest words in my ear. I heard his cell phone going off and he pulled it out of his pocket. He looked at the caller id and his face fell.

"I've gotta take this call Bells, I'll only be a minute."

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EPOV

As I looked down at the caller id and saw that it was Tanya, I almost blew up on the spot. I told Bella that I had to take this call, I was going to tell the bitch that I wanted nothing to do with her, that she is to never contact me again.

"What the fuck do you want Tanya?"

"Well it's nice to hear from you too Edward? How's the wifey doing?"

"Don't start with me Tanya, I don't need this shit right now."

"Yeah, I heard she wasn't doing to well, having cancer and all."

"Again Tanya, what do you want?"

"I think you know quite well what I want, Edward. The same thing I have always wanted. You."

"Are you stupid? I married Bella. I think that pretty much is clear."

"Well, I know she's going to be out of, how should I put it, commission for a while yes? Don't you need a little company?"

"I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you. No Tanya, I don't want you, I never really did want you, you were just a body keeping me warm until my true love came back to me. Don't ever contact me again Tanya, I want nothing to do with you. Now leave us alone." I hung up on her.

God, I don't know what I was thinking when I hooked up with her after Bella left. This would haunt me for the rest of my life. I would love to say that she is out our lives for good, but I have a bad feeling about this.

I walked back into Bella's room and she was out cold. I sat down in the chair looking at how peacefully she was asleep. The doctor said she should be able to go home tomorrow. I was looking forward to having her home. I knew there were going to be treatments, I was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for was the fact that Bella felt less of a woman because she went though this. I had read up on survivor stories of women who had their breasts removed and it seemed to be a natural thing some women go though. I would just have to be patient with her and remind her of the love I have for her. We will get through this, She will get through this.

I let her sleep and decided I would go home and get things in order for her to come home tomorrow. Plus I wanted a good nights sleep. Sleeping at the hospital on that god awful couch was not my idea of comfortable. One would think that they would have better sleeping arrangements for those who have loved ones in the hospital.

The next morning I went to the hospital and found that Bella wasn't in her room. In fact, there was nothing of hers was in this room anymore. That was odd. I walked down the hall and went to the nurses station.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Isabella Cullen? She isn't in her room."

The nurse looked up at me like I was crazy. "She left a while ago, her father came and got her. She said you were down getting the car." With that, I turned on my heels and high tailed it out of there. She was not going to run from me again. When things get rough she thinks the best thing would be for her to leave. I wasn't having it, not this time. I made a promise to myself, her and God that we would do this together. Why would she leave without telling me?

* * *

BPOV

When I woke up this morning and I didn't see Edward in the room, I panicked. I felt so alone. I called my dad to come get me. I knew Edward would be so disappointed in me, but I couldn't get rid of this sinking feeling I had in my stomach. I couldn't pin point what it was but it made me feel very uneasy.

Charlie made it to the hospital in record time. I knew he could tell I was upset. I didn't want to talk to him about it over the phone. That is why I told him I would explain everything to him on the way home.

Home.

That was another challenge in itself. I knew that I had to go home. My home is with Edward.

As Charlie and I drove back to the house I broke down telling him how I felt. About the cancer, the surgery, Edward, everything. I felt my world was crashing down around me and it bugged the living hell out of me that I couldn't control it.

When we arrived at the house I noticed Edward's car wasn't there. Shit, he was going to be pissed at me. I didn't tell him I had called my dad to pick me up. I just wasn't thinking this morning. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. We made our way into the house and I went and sat down on the couch. I tried calling Edward's cell phone several times but it went straight to voice mail.

I laid down on the couch, Charlie sat in the recliner watching TV. I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I heard the front door slam shut and Edward calling out my name.

"Bella?"

"Bella? Are you here?"

"Edward, she's in here." I heard Charlie say.

"What in the hell happened? Why did she have you come get her?"

" I can't answer that Edward, that's something for you two to discuss. All I know is that she called early this morning saying she needed a ride home. I figured you had to work or something and couldn't get away. I didn't mean to impose on anything, just trying to help Bells out."

"I know Charlie, sorry I sounded upset. It's just she is pulling away from me and I feel so helpless. I can see it in her eyes, the way she looks at me. I just don't want to lose her. I wouldn't know what to do without her. When I got to the hospital and the nurse said she left, I thought I lost her again, I couldn't help but think to when she left a few years ago. I panicked."

"Son, Bella loves you. I believe she always has loved you. This is a rough time for her, but that's what she is going to need. Time. Just be there for her, let her know how much you love her. She's a tough girl, she'll get though this."

I laid there on the couch pretending to still be asleep. I felt Edward come into the room and place a kiss on my forehead. My eyes fluttered open and I couldn't' help but smile.

"Hello love. How are you feeling?"

"Better, now that you're here. Sorry I didn't call you this morning. When I woke up and you weren't there I had this funny feeling and wanted to get home. The doctor came in first thing this morning and said I was free to go. I knew how exhausted you have been so I called Charlie. I hope you aren't upset with me."

"I couldn't be upset with you for that. I was just worried that's all. It's great to have you home Bella." he said while placing a gentle kiss on my lips.

"It's great to be home."

* * *

AN:

Sooo, this chapter was a filler for me. I wanted to get Bella out of the hospital so I could get this story rolling. I hope you enjoyed it. Let me know if you did or didn't!

BLou


	15. Last Forever

I can't begin to thank all of you who have either reviewed or added this to their alerts/favs. It means a hell of a lot to me.

I'm gonna jump a head a few months into Bella's recovery.

I don't own Twilight, just like to play with them, Edward more than anything. J

* * *

EPOV

It's been three months since Bella's surgery.

Three months since I've been able to hold her.

Three months since I've been able to kiss her.

Three months since I've made love to her.

She was depressed. That was obvious. I tried talking to her about it, hell I've even set up appointments for her to go talk to someone but she refused.

Her album has been released and doing well. She's been called for interviews, she doesn't feel up to it. She's been called to do a photo shoot for a magazine, she doesn't feel pretty enough.

I love my wife, don't get me wrong, but something's gotta give. We've been arguing more than ever. I said it all along and no one wanted to listen, she's pulling away. From me, from her parents, from life.

I got home from work to find her laying in bed. Sweats on, hair a mess, asleep with the covers pulled tight under her chin. I walked over to the bed and sat down beside her. I tried to place a kiss on her cheek but she turned her head. I didn't press this with her, I knew she was having a hard time with it all.

She wasn't able to have the reconstructive surgery because there was damage from the removal of her breasts. I knew this hurt her, that this was what was making her depressed. I tried to convince her that I loved her no matter what, that she was still as beautiful to me now then she was before this all happened. She wouldn't have it. I felt like I was talking to a wall when it came down to me giving her compliments. I didn't know what to do anymore.

"Bella. Love you need to get up. Let's get you in the shower and we'll go out to dinner. How does that sound?"

Nothing.

"Bella? I know you can hear me. You need to get up. Come on." I said while pulling the comforter away from her body.

"Edward stop. I don't wanna get up." she said pulling to covers back up.

"Come one Bella, please? We haven't been out for a while. Hell, you haven't been out since you got home from the hospital. This isn't healthy love."

"I don't want to get up. I don't want to go to dinner. I don't want to be here anymore Edward."

"What? What do you mean by that? "

"Nothing, never mind, forget I even said anything ok?"

"No Bella, I won't. What you just said, do…do you?" I couldn't even say what I thought she meant by that. I knew she was depressed, but the thought of her wanting to end her life just shocked the hell out of me.

" I said never mind Edward. No, I don't want to kill myself if that is what you were thinking."

With that she turned her back to me and was now facing the wall. I just sat there. Not sure what to say really.

"I know you're having a hard time Bella. I am here for you. But love, this isn't good for you. Tell me where you want to go and I will take us there. If you want to get away I understand. We need a break from all of this."

I waited for a response and I got nothing.

"I love you Bella." with that I walked out the room and shut the door. I didn't know what I was going to do.

I was losing her.

* * *

BPOV

It's been three months since my surgery.

Three months since my husband has kissed me.

Three months since he's made love to me.

Three months since he's even held me.

I am depressed. That much is obvious. I cry all the time. All I wanna do is sleep. Hell I don't even like to get out of bed half of the time. I lay around in my sweats all day, not even bothering to shower most of the time.

I thought it was ironic, here I was, holding up in my house while my new album was being played on radio stations and I was being hounded to do interviews and photo shoots. I hadn't made a statement about my cancer. It didn't feel like the time nor the place.

I felt myself pulling away from everyone. I treated Edward like shit and I knew he didn't deserve it. He has tried to get me to go talk to someone. I refuse. I don't want some shrink telling me how I should feel. I've continued to write my feelings down in the notebooks I have started since this whole mess has began. It's like an escape for me. Most people would think it's not as good as talking to someone about it, hell, at least my notebooks don't critique me.

I heard Edward come into the room and asking me out to dinner. I just didn't want to go. The thought of going outside made me ill.

We argued more lately than we ever have. He didn't understand how I was feeling. Sure I wasn't helping the situation by not talking to him about it, but like I said before, I don't like people telling me how I should feel.

After I turned over and pretended to fall asleep so he would leave me alone. I heard him say he loved me and leave the room.

I haven't even been able to say those words to him. I felt so ugly, so worthless. I knew he was upset when I said I didn't want to be here anymore. I have never wanted to kill myself, sometimes the thought does cross my mind, thinking it would just be easier on everyone, to not have to worry about me. But then I thought about how devastated Edward and my parents would be. I couldn't do that to them.

As I was laying in bed, I could hear Edward talking to someone. I didn't if someone was here or if he was on the phone. He was getting upset about something, most likely it was about me. I could hear a few words, like hopeless, worried, caring words.

I broke down crying. I couldn't take it anymore. This wasn't going to get any better for me. I needed to do something but I wasn't sure what that was.

I got up from bed and made my way into the bathroom. I took off all my clothes and stood in front of the mirror. My scars looked hideous. Once where my breasts were, now just ugly reminders.

I started the shower and let the bathroom fill up with steam before I entered. Letting the hot water run down my body, washing away all of the pain, all the thoughts of worthlessness.

I heard the bathroom door open and close. I felt Edward behind me. I didn't move. We haven't been intimate in three months, I felt like it was the first time all over again. I was so self conscious about my body. I wrapped my arms around my torso, not letting him see me.

He wrapped his arms around me, holding me close against his chest. The feeling of being in his arms became too much. I started to cry. Letting it all out. He placed kisses up and down my neck, whispering how beautiful he thought I was.

He took the body wash off the shelf, placed some in the palm of his hand and began to wash my body. I was still holding my arms across my chest. I don't know if I was ready for him to see me this way.

"Bella, turn around for me love."

I did.

He slowly brought his hands up to my arms and began to peel them away from by body. I hesitated at first, afraid of what his reaction would be. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see the look on his face.

I stood there in front of him, no shield protecting me, eyes closed. I couldn't open them.

He didn't say anything at first. He just stood there.

I felt the softest kisses where my breasts used to be. He dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around me. Placing his head against my stomach.

"I love you. God how I love you." he was crying. I could feel his body shaking with each sob.

"Please don't pull away from me Bella, lets do this together, I want to help you in any way possible. But you have to let me in, let me help you. LET. .YOU." with that he stood up and crashed his lips to mine.

He turned off the shower and we dried each other off. He picked me up and carried me into our bedroom laying me down on the bed. He stood there, looking down at me with so much lust in his eyes.

I pulled him down to me, kissing his lips, then his jaw, his nose, his eyes, working my way back to his lips. I grabbed his face and looked into his eyes.

"I've missed you Edward."

"I've missed you too." he said against my lips. I could feel how hard he was, having him between my thighs, pressing himself against my core. I needed him, I needed him yesterday.

I lifted my hips and he entered my in one thrust. We both let out a throaty moan. He didn't move at first, just basking in the feeling of being connected again. Looking into each others eyes, not saying a word. We didn't have to. I knew what he was feeling, how this had effected him also.

We began to find a rhythm, he guided his hand to where we were joined and began to circle my clit with his thumb. I could feel my release building up in me, it's been three months, this wouldn't take long. He increased his thrusting, in and out, circling his hips.

My orgasm hit me hard and I cried out, lifting my hips off the bed, pressing my pelvis into his hips, wanting this feeling to last forever. A few more pushes and he came, yelling out my name. His body hovering over mine, sweat dripping off our bodies.

"I love you Edward. Thank you."

"I love you, but what are you thanking me for?" he said while collapsing beside me.

"For being patient. I know I haven't been the nicest person to you. I know I have some issues to deal with and I haven't been talking about them. I think I do need to go talk to someone. But I don't want to see someone who with analyze everything I say and do, maybe a counselor or something?"

"I think that sounds like a good idea. If you want I could ask Carlisle if there is anybody he would recommend."

"I'd like that. Hey, how about we get dressed and get something to eat. If I'm not mistaken I think you offered to take me to dinner? I think I'm gonna have to take you up on that. I've manages to work up quite the appetite."

"I've love nothing more than to take you out to dinner. But first, I think we need to take another shower, we kinda stink." With that he jumped out of bed and headed into the bathroom. I heard the shower start up and I decided to join him.

I couldn't wait to go to dinner. There was a few things that I wanted to talk to him about.

* * *

Soooo, what did ya think?

Let me know!


	16. Not Knowing

I have been a terrible updater, and I want to apologize. Real life has thrown my family one hell of a curve ball and we are just trying to get through it all. I thought of it ironic how I was writing this story of Bella being diagnosed with cancer and here, three very important people in my life was diagnosed with some form of cancer in the last 2 months. Doesn't seem fair let me tell you.

The great and powerful Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight. I'm just here to make them do naughty things.

BPOV

On the way to dinner, I was a little nervous. I wanted to talk about something with Edward that I knew was a touchy subject. I hadn't brought it up much with my illness, but it was eating at me.

We pulled into the parking lot, and Edward, being the gentleman he was came over to open my door.

"Why thank you kind Sir." I said grabbing his hand as he helped me out of the car.

"Always for you my love." he said kissing the back of my hand.

I hadn't been out of the house in a while. I knew my album was being played on the radio stations, but I hadn't done much press so I was hoping I wouldn't be recognized. People knew my voice, not my face. I was very thankful for that. I just wanted this to be about Edward and I. We needed this.

As we walked up to the hostess desk, I couldn't help but see the woman behind the stand eying Edward. It was like I wasn't even there. The nerve of people.

"Can I help you sir?" She said leaning onto her elbows trying to push her give Edward something to look at.

"My wife and I would like a table for 2 please. Somewhere a little private." he said wrapping his arm around my waist. She hostess looks over at me. I raise my hand and give a little wave. "Hi." I said with a smug look on my face. Stupid cow.

"Right this way." She lead us to a back table, away from prying eyes.

We sat down and began looking over the menus. I've heard good things about this place and I was dying to try their mushroom ravioli.

Our waitress came and took our orders, surprisingly she was able to keep her eyes where they needed to be. What is it with this man and woman being drawn to him so much. I mean, I know he's hot, hell I'm married to the man. But it always seems that I am invisible when we're out. Oh well, I just flash my wedding band and hold my ground.

Edward takes a sip of his wine. I can see a smirk behind the glass.

"What's that look for?" I ask him, taking a sip from my own glass.

"Nothing, I'm just glad we are out tonight. It's been a while. I'm enjoying your company."

"Me too, me too." I said barely whispering the last words. I was nervous to talk to him about what has been on my mind. I'm not sure how he would react. My doctor said I need to take it a things one day at a time.

"Edward, there's something that I would like to discuss with you and I want you to keep an open mind. Ok?"

He put his glass on the table and sat up a little straighter in his seat.

"I'm listening."

"Ok, so, I've been thinking. I know Dr. Jackson said I need to take things easy and not push myself but I've been doing a lot of soul searching. I talked to Ben the other day. He asked how I was feeling and we got to talking about my album. I've missed out on so much Edward, the interviews, the junkets, so much. They've asked me to go on tour Edward. A few cities here and there. My album is doing really good, I mean, you've heard my songs on the radio, people love it. They also want me to shoot a video for my new release. I want to do this Edward, I need to do this. What do you think?

EPOV

What do I think? WHAT do I think? What DO I think?

I was getting a little nervous with all of this talk at first. I was hoping she wasn't going to bring up the baby issue. We have a ways to go before we go that route. So when she told me she was ready to promote her album, I was relieved.

"Bella, you know that I will support you 100% in everything that you do. If you feel that you are up for this, than I do to. We'll get with Ben and them to get the details, does that sound good?

Bella got up from her seat and came over and sat on my lap. She put her arms around me and pressed her lips to mine. "Thank you Edward." she said between kisses. I heard someone clear their throat and I knew our food had arrived.

After a wonderful meal, Bella and I drove back to the house. We decided to take a walk near the park to walk off dinner. She slipped her hand in mine and we took off down the road. We didn't speak, we didn't have to. We both knew this was a turning point for her. She was finally beginning to be her old self. The one that I had missed to much.

We got back to the house, took a shower and went to bed. Bella had called Ben before we went to bed and set up an appointment with him and the record label first thing tomorrow morning. We had to be there at 9 o'clock so I knew we would be getting up early.

When the alarm went off the next morning I went to nudge Bella to have her turn it off, but she wasn't there. Huh, that's strange. I sat up, trying to listen for any movement in the house. I could faintly hear the piano downstairs, she must not have been able to sleep.

I got up from bed and made my way downstairs. She was sitting at the piano with only a sheet around her. She looked absolutely breathtaking. She was practicing her new songs. It too was breathtaking. I just stood in the doorway and listened to her sing.

_Come away with me in the night._

_Come away with me _

_And I will write you a song._

_Come away with me on a bus_

_Come away where they can't tempt us_

_With their lies._

_And I want to walk with you_

_On a cloudy day_

_In fields where yellow grass grows knee high_

_So won't you try to come_

_Come away with me and we'll kiss_

_On a mountaintop _

_Come away with me _

_And I'll never stop loving you_

_And I want to wake up with the rain_

_Falling on the tin roof_

_While I'm safe their in your arms_

_So all I ask is for you_

_To come away with me in the night_

_Come away with me._

By the time she was done singing, I had made my way over to the piano bench. I don't think she knew I was there because when I began to speak she about jumped off the bench.

"Edward, you scared me." she said clutching her hand to her chest. I couldn't help buy chuckle. She didn't realize that she had let the sheet slip down and she was now sitting there completely naked from the waist up. Once she did, she quickly grabbed it back up and wrapped it around her. I thought we were getting over this not wanting to be naked around me but maybe I was wrong.

"The song was beautiful love. Just beautiful." I said pressing a kiss to her lips.

"Thanks, it's a new song I've been tinkering around with. Does it sound alright?"

"Like I said, it was beautiful." I grabbed her hand and brought it up to my mouth. I gently kissed each finger, never taking my eyes off her. I pulled her onto my lap, her legs straddling mine. She wrapped her arms around my neck and laid her head on my shoulder.

"Do you think this is a good idea Edward?" she barely whispered.

"What, sitting here with me?" I pulled my head back to look at her face.

"No silly, I know _this is a good idea." she said grinding her hips onto prominent erection. "I'm talking about this little tour they want me to do. You and I haven't really talked about this, how will it effect us. I know you work, but the thought of being away from you for any period of time makes me sick to my stomach."_

"_Well, I've been thinking. I have some vacation time coming to me, I could always come with you for a while. I mean, I would need to take care of some things first but I should be able to catch up with you in a week or two. How does that sound?"_

"_Honestly? Even a few weeks makes me ill. But, if that is what we have to do than that is fine with me." _

"_Let's meet with Ben and the Record Label reps and see what they say. Do you even know where all they have you playing at?" _

'_No idea. Ben said no place too big. I don't know if I would be ready for that yet. I need to work my way up to that."_

_I looked over at the clock and saw that we had to leave in a few hours. I stood up from the bench and made sure she wrapped her legs around my waist and I carried her up the stairs to the shower._

_We arrived at the label's office right on time. I could tell Bella was nervous, hell I was nervous. I wasn't sure what all was going to go down at this meeting. I don't like the not knowing._

_Bella was called into the conference room by Ben. He walked her into the room and introduced her to everyone. Bella in turn then introduced me._

_We were told that they understood Bella was still in recovery and that they weren't going to push her to do more than she could handle. They had set up a few venues to play. Small places, nothing to big. Since she was new to the industry they thought this would be better. To establish herself is what they said. _

_They handed us paperwork outlining what they had in mind. Cities being played, songs they wanted or thought would be best for the set, and even had down the song they wanted her to make her first video for, her song, There's More To Me Than You. Her tour would start off on the east coast, and work its way back home. 15 cities in all, over a 3 month period. I didn't think this sounded bad, but then I saw all of the little press junkets they had set for her. She would be exhausted by the time this was over. I was worried this was going to be too much. I looked over at Bella to gage her reaction._

_She had the biggest fucking smile on her face._

_BPOV_

_I can't believe this is really happening. I was really going to do this. I really needed to do this. For me, for Edward, for our future. This was going to be great. I looked over at Edward to see how he was handling all of this. The look on his face told me everything I needed to know.._

_**He didn't want me to do it.**_

_**I hope I have a few followers left out there. If so, please review and let me know what ya think.**_

_**Thxkbye. **_


	17. Like I Said

I've decided I'm gonna start writing smaller chapters. I seem to be able to get it done faster. Hope you enjoy.

BPOV

Edward and I left their office with a lot to think about. I knew what I wanted to do. I just hope he was on the same page as I was. By the way he was not speaking to me on the way home, I had a feeling I was way off.

"Talk to me Edward, what are you thinking?" I said to him as I turned to look at him.

Nothing. He didn't say anything. What the hell.

He didn't say a word to me the entire way home. We drove in silence and it was making me mad. I didn't get it. Isn't this what we wanted? I mean, we've talked about this, I don't understand.

We arrived home a few minutes later. Thank God. I don't think I would have been able to be in his presence much longer. As I went to get out of the car, I noticed he wasn't moving.

"Are you coming in?" I said to him looking over my shoulder.

"No, I've gotta go do something." he said looking straight out the window, didn't even look at me.

"Where are you going? Don't you think we have some things to talk about? They want me to leave in 2 weeks Edward. Two weeks. This a huge decision for me. For us."

"I said I have something to do. Will you please just go inside and I'll see you when I get back. I won't be too long."

Not knowing what else to say I got out of the car. I didn't even have the door shut before he took off down the driveway. Not giving me a second look.

Something just happened, I'm not quite sure what it, this was, but something between us just changed. And it scared the hell out of me.

I went up the stairs and opened the door. I was confused as to why he was acting this way. We've talked about this, how we thought this would be good for me. What changed his mind.

I walked up the stairs and decided to take a bubble bath. I was tired. Not only from the meeting but trying to figure out what the hell just happened on the way home. I slipped into the bath tub and let the bubbles consume me. I sank low into the tub, only my head was sticking out.

The sound of a car alarm woke me up. I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep. I made my way into the bedroom, wrapped in my robe, expecting Edward to be there. He wasn't.

I looked at the clock on the nightstand and realized it was almost dinner time. Edward had been gone for hours. I went downstairs and grabbed my purse to check by phone to see if he had called. Nothing.

Taking the folder out of my bag that had all of the paperwork about my trip, I grabbed a bottle of wine and headed over to the couch to re-look at them. It was pretty basic stuff, a few cities where I would do a show, places I've never been before but was looking forward to going. A few places they wanted to me stop but not perform. A meet and greet is what they said. Even though I know Edward seemed really upset, I was excited. This is something I have thought about, dreamed about since I was little. I can't wait.

The first week would be hard because I would be away from Edward. Then he was going to take some time off from work and come meet me wherever I was. He said he had time saved so we wouldn't have to be apart that long.

This was a good thing, for me, for us. We can do this. We will do this.

EPOV

I don't know what my problem was. Its not like I wasn't excited for her. I was. I just can't explain it. I know I was being a dick by not speaking with her on the way home. I was afraid that I would say something that I would regret. So I said nothing.

When we got home, I told her I needed to go something. What that was, I have no idea. I just needed to be alone. I left her standing in front of the house, I didn't even wave goodbye, didn't even acknowledge her before I drove off. Like I said, Dick.

I ended up driving around for a while. Just thinking about what all of this meant. I couldn't get over the feeling of dread. Don't get me wrong, I know she has wanted to do this, I know she has worked her ass of to get where she was in life. I had been so accustomed to her depending on me, with the cancer and through her surgery, I was her rock. I felt needed by her. Now, for some reason I didn't feel that way.

Pulling into Lou's, a bar we frequented, I pulled out my cell phone. I was going to call her, tell her I was stopping for a drink. That would probably piss her off so I decided against it. It wasn't real busy. Most people don't come in the middle of the afternoon for a drink I guess. Oh well, I was here now, may as well have a drink.

Sitting down at the bar, I ordered a beer. Mack, the bartender handed me the beer and tried to start a conversation with me. I didn't mean to be rude but I just wasn't in the mood so I just shrugged him off. Must be my thing today.

After I finished my first beer, Mack sat down another, and another. I didn't realize how long I had been sitting there. The bar was getting more packed so I figured I should head home. I went to stand up but that didn't go so well. I sat back down and pulled out my cell phone to call a cab.

"Need a ride home?" a voice called out from beside me.

I turned my stool to the side.

(Edward in bold)

"**Sure. Thanks. I didn't think I had drank that much so yes, I would like a ride home. Thank you." **

"Haven't seen you around much. How have you been?"

"**Good, real good. Bella and I are doing good."**

"I didn't ask about Bella, I asked about you Edward. How are you?"

" **I…I could be better."**

"Why is that?"

"**Look I don't want to be rude but I really don't want to talk about it, especially with you."**

"I see, so, why don't I just take you home. How does that sound?"

"**Fan-fucking-tastic."**

We walked out to the car and got in. We didn't talk, we just drove.

Pulling up in front of the house, I went to open the door.

"**Thank you for bringing me home."**

"Sure, Edward, what are friends for right? Call me if you want to talk,"

With that I made my way up the front walk, but not before I saw Bella looking out the front window looking more pissed off then I have ever seen her. Great. I didn't want to deal with this right now. I went to put my key in the door but she beat me to it. The door swung open. I just stood there, like a dumbass.

"Where have you been?" she screamed at me.

"What, what is that god awful smell? Edward, are you drunk? Why would you go out and get drunk?"

I just stood there. Again, not saying a word.

"Well at least you had the common sense not to drive home. Get in here before the neighbors start to gossip" she said pulling me into the house.

"Wait, that wasn't a cab that brought you here. I didn't recognize the car, who brought you home Edward?'

Like I said. Dick.


	18. Closed The Door

I want to thank those who have reviewed, added me or this story to their favs, its means a lot to me.

EPOV

"Who brought you home Edward?"

When we got married, I took a vow. A vow to honor and love my wife. To be honest with her, to treat her with respect. So how I managed to get myself into this situation, Lord only knows.

She asked me who brought me home. Do I tell her the truth and piss her off even more? Or do I break one of the vows I took the day I married my best friend.

After sitting there for what seemed like forever, I responded.

"Oh, it was Sam, from work." _Lie. It was Tanya_.

"Sam? I've never heard you mention him before. What department is he in?"

"He's new, just started recently. He's in legal." _Lie. It was Tanya_.

"Oh, okay. Well I'm glad you made it home safe and decided not to drive."

Even though I knew she was mad with how I reacted with this whole contract thing, she still loved me. And I lied.

She told me to go upstairs and take a shower, that we would talk after I got out. I kissed her on the cheek and took off up the stairs. When I got up there I striped off my clothes, throwing them in the hamper and headed into the bathroom. I turned the shower on and stepped inside. The water beating down my body felt so good. I only wished Bella would decide to join me. I knew I wasn't out of the woods with her so I knew that wouldn't be happening.

I got out and threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. I walked downstairs to find Bella sitting on the couch with her feet wrapped underneath her body. I saw the contract laying out on the table and I cringed. I didn't want her to go.

I sat down beside her, pulling her feet onto my lap.

"Let's talk." I said as I began to rub her feet.

"I just don't understand why you acted the way you did Edward."

"I would be lying if I told you I wanted you to go."

"But why? Isn't this what we have talked about? You know, knew how important this was for me. This is what I've been dreaming about Edward. How could you just dismiss this so easily?"

"I don't know Bella, I can't explain it. With everything that has been going on with you, being sick, the surgery. It just scares me."

"Don't you think it scares me too? I mean, come on Edward. We both knew it was going to be this way."

"I guess I just didn't think you would want to do it after the cancer and everything."

"What? Just because I had cancer you didn't think I would want to go? That's just stupid Edward. What is the real reason you don't like this idea? "

"Love, I don't know. I can't begin to explain the different things that are running through my mind right now. I know you want this, I want to want this for you. I really do."

"So what, just like that? You don't want me to do this, is that what you're telling me?"

"Yeah, I guess it is."

"You are so un-fucking-believable Edward Cullen. You of all people know how important this is to me. And to know that I don't have the support of my own husband?"

She got up off the couch and began to walk out of the living room. She stopped, and without turning around, she spoke.

"I never thought I would have to make this decision without you. I'm leaving in 2 weeks Edward." With that she left the room and headed upstairs.

God, what did I just do?

BPOV

God he pisses me off. I can't believe he is acting this way. I was beyond upset. I made my way upstairs, threw myself on our bed and cried. What's happening to us. We were so happy this morning, I just don't get it.

I sat there, thinking about everything that just happened. He lied to me. I knew there was no Sam, at least the new guy in legal. He told me last week Paul had just started there, he was the new guy in legal. I'm not sure why he felt the need to lie to me, I'm not sure why I just didn't call him out on his lie. I just didn't want to get into it with him, I had enough on my mind right now. Pick your battles, that was one I didn't want to fight about. Not now at least.

The next two weeks went by fast. Edward and I hadn't really talked since that night. I was devastated. He, he didn't say much. All week. Fucker.

It was the night before I was to leave. Ben was going to pick me up in the morning. I was in our room, packing the things I needed, or at least I thought I needed. I was so unsure of all this. This was supposed to be a happy time for me, a time to celebrate and here I was, packing, alone in our room. After dinner Edward said he wanted to go work out so he went upstairs, changed his clothes and left. As soon as the door shut I broke down and started to cry. This was so hard. Harder than I ever could of imagined.

EPOV

Bella was leaving tomorrow. She was at home, packing. And where was I you ask? Well, where I've been hanging out the past few weeks, at Lou's. I would tell Bella I was going to work out but I came here instead. I just didn't want to be at the house while she was getting ready to leave. More lies.

Ben was picking her up bright and early tomorrow, six o'clock sharp. I just planned to come here, have a few drinks and leave. I know I've been acting like a total ass these past few weeks, but damn it, I really didn't want her to go.

I was sitting in my usual spot when I heard someone sit down beside me.

"Hello Edward. Fancy seeing you here." she said with an amused laugh.

"Tanya." I said tipping my beer to her. "What are you doing here?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing. Isn't Bella leaving tomorrow?"

"Why must you remind me?"

"That's what I'm here for." she said rubbing her hand down my arm.

"Keep em coming Mack, it's gonna be a long night." I said pushing Tanya's hand off my arm.

So instead of being at home with my wife, spending time with her before she left. I was getting shitfaced in a bar. With the person Bella hated most in the world. What the hell was I thinking. Oh yeah, that's right I wasn't.

BPOV

I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew my alarm was going off. I reached over and turned it off. Rolling over I expected to see my husband, but what I saw was an empty space. A cold, empty space.

I looked out the window and didn't see his car in the drive way. Great.

I went about my routine, getting ready for Ben to come get me. I figured Edward was out getting coffee or something. I didn't hear him come home last night. But then again, I was so tired maybe I slept through him coming to bed. I stepped out of the shower and realized Ben was going to be here in 20 minutes and still no Edward. Why is he doing this to me? I just don't know why he wouldn't be here.

I got dressed and dragged my luggage downstairs. I heard a car door shut outside and figured Edward was home. The doorbell rang so I knew it wasn't him. I opened the door and saw Ben standing there.

"Hey Bella, you ready to go? Where's Edward, isn't he home?" he said looking into the empty house behind me.

"Um, ya know, I'm not real sure where he's at. Um, let me just go write him a note real quick. I'll be right there." I quickly said swallowing the huge lump I had in my throat, trying to keep the tears away.

I went into the kitchen, pulled out a notepad and tried decide what I wanted to say. What was there to say? I have never been more disappointed in him in my whole life. He was being a selfish prick and I was so upset I didn't even know where to begin so I put the only thing I could think of at the time.

_Edward,_

_I'm not sure what is going on with you right now. I'm so disappointed I can't even put it into words. Maybe this is what we need, time away. I'll be in touch, don't bother calling._

_Bella._

With one last look, I closed the door behind me and locked the door. Never looking back.

EPOV

Fuck fuck fuck. What the hell did I do?


	19. Alone

I keep forgetting to put this on before my chapters…. I don't own Twilight or the characters, Stephanie Meyer does.

On with it…

EPOV

_Fuck Fuck Fuck. What the hell have I done?_

I woke up to the sun pouring in the window. It was so bright I could see the dust particles floating in the air. I rubbed my hands over my face trying to grasp my surroundings. I opened my eyes and realized I wasn't at home. God, how much did I drink last night? I couldn't remember. This can't be good I thought to myself.

I stared at the ceiling, I can't believe I got myself into this mess. How do I face Bella after this. She is never going to forgive me, I don't think I can forgive me.

I laid there for what seems like forever. I didn't want to face reality. I looked at the clock and saw that it was after 8 o'clock in the morning. Fuck. Ben was supposed to pick Bella up hours ago. I didn't say goodbye to her. Damn it.

I stretched out my legs the best I could and sat up. I looked down at my body and realized I was still dressed, so that's a good thing right? I checked my pockets to see if I could find my keys, I needed to get out of here and go home. I didn't feel them on me so I checked around to see if they had fallen on the floor. Bingo. I quickly picked them up, put them in the ignition and drove home.

I'm so mad at myself right now. I knew I had been acting like a complete ass these past couple of weeks. But damn it, didn't she see how hard this was for me? I mean, I have been her rock throughout everything. Now that she was doing this on her own, I didn't feel as needed anymore, and because of that, I avoided her.

I quickly made it home and ran into the house. Deep down I was hoping she would still be here, not wanting to leave until I got home. There weren't any familiar sounds coming from upstairs so I knew she had already left.

I made my way into the kitchen and saw a note on the counter. I picked it up and began to read.

Edward,

I'm not sure what is going on with you right now. I'm so disappointed I can't even put it into words. Maybe this is what we need, time away. I'll be in touch, don't bother calling.

Bella.

Placing the note back onto the counter I grabbed my cell phone out of my pocket. Damn, it was dead. When did that happen? I went into the bedroom searching for the charger. I plugged it in, powered it up and waited to see if I had any missed calls. I was expecting a message from Bella. God she must be so pissed at me right now. I waited, and waited. No alerts that I had a voice mail waiting for me. That's odd. I was sure she would have tried to call me.

Suddenly my phone beeped. Thinking it was from Bella I quickly grabbed the phone. I had a text message.

Had a great time last night. See you soon, xo ~ T

What? What was that all about? I don't remember much of Tanya last night. I mean I knew she was there but I turned down all of her advances, I wasn't about to cheat on Bella, she was my wife and even though we are having a bit of an issue right now doesn't mean that I would go running off to another woman. I didn't want to but I needed to talk to Tanya to get her to leave me alone. I needed to fix this with Bella.

I decided I needed to call Bella first. I dialed her number, hoping she would answer. I couldn't remember the exact time her flight was so I didn't know if she had her phone turned on. It went to voice mail. I didn't want to leave a long message on the phone, I just asked her to call me. Next I decided to text Tanya back.

(Edward in Bold)

**We need to talk. -E**

I know we do. -T

**What the hell happened last night? -E**

I'm really crushed that you don't remember Edward. Such a disappointment- T

**Yeah, I seem to be doing that a lot lately.-E**

Ah poor Edward. Is little Bella mad? -T

**I wouldn't know, I didn't make it home last night. -E**

I know, how do you think you ended up where you did? -T

**Huh?-E**

Mack and I tried to call you a cab but you refused. So he helped you out to the car, opened the back door and shoved your ass inside. You kept going on and on about how pissed off Bella was going to be. Quite funny actually. -T

**So nothing happened between us? -E**

Why? Did you want something to happen? Like old times Edward? -T

**No, not at all. -E**

She didn't respond. I was waiting for her to respond. To tell me nothing happened last night. At least she didn't try to get me to go home with her. I was drunk but I was thankful that I wasn't that drunk.

I decided that I would go take a shower because I needed to get the funk off of me. I got into the shower, and let the water fall all over me.

The water felt amazing. I leaned my head against the tiles and thought about how I was going to make this up to Bella. I betrayed her. First I lied to her, then I didn't come home last night, woke up after passing out in my car, missing her leave this morning. I was such an awful husband.

As I got out of the shower I heard my phone ringing. I hurried into the room, jumped across the bed and grabbed the phone.

"Bella?"

"Wrong, try again."

"Tanya. What do you want?"

"Well aren't you the one who asked me about last night? I didn't think you would want me to respond with a text message in case the wifey decides to snoop through your phone."

"What's that supposed me mean? What happened last night Tanya and I need you to tell me the truth."

"Well, where do I start? After a few more drinks you really began to loosen up. It reminded me of the old Edward. The one that I knew and grew to love. You were joking around, telling stories. Talking about her. You know Edward. I would never put my career over my husband. I mean, come on, she isn't that good of a singer. How could she leave you behind. You realize that once she's made it big she's going to leave you."

"You don't know shit Tanya. Never have and never will. I knew this was a mistake talking to you. I know nothing happened between us, I know that I would never cheat on Bella, I love her more than anything."

"You sure about that? Cause I seem to remember a different story." and she hung up.

Shit. Tossing the phone on the bed I began pacing around the room. Running my hands through my hair I was trying to remember last night. My phone started ringing again.

"Listen Tanya, I don't know…"

"Edward?"

BPOV

My biggest fear had come true. After I got off the plane I immediately turned my phone on. I know that I had told Edward not to call me, but deep down I was hoping that he didn't listen. Sure enough, I was notified that I had a voice message. Punching in my access code I listened to the message.

Love, it's me. Call me. Please. I'm….I'm so sorry.

I went to pick up the luggage and decided to wait until we got to the hotel before I called him back. This was a conversation I didn't want to have in front of Ben. He ended up getting an ear full on the way here, I'm sure he's had his fill of Edward Cullen.

Ben told me that I had to do a phone interview first thing. Something about a local radio station, blah blah blah. Honestly I wasn't paying much attention.

I kept thinking about what I was going to say to Edward. We had a lot to talk about. I missed him. I missed my husband, my best friend. We were together the past two weeks, but I've never felt more alone in my entire life.

We checked into the hotel and I was given my room key. I made my way into the suite and started to freshen up. I knew it was only a phone interview but flying on an airplane has always made me feel grimy.

Ben knocked on my door letting me know the radio station was on his cell and I would be able to do the interview from my room. Thank god because all I wanted to do was take a shower and get into bed. It has been an exhausting day and I was ready for it to me over with.

I was asked the routine questions, how did I know I wanted to become a singer, how does it feel to be a breast cancer survivor, the questions went on and one. After the interview I took a quick shower, put on a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt of Edwards. Tucking my nose into the material, I took a deep breath. It smelled just like him. And if I closed my eyes and thought hard enough, I swear I could feel him in the room.

I picked up my phone and decided to call Edward.

The phone rang a few times.

"Listen Tanya, I don't know…."

"Edward?"

"Bella?"

"Why did you think this was Tanya? What's going on?"

"We need to talk Bella."

"It appears so. So? Talk."

"As much as I hate to do this on the phone, I need you to know how sorry I am. I'm sorry any of this has happened. Can you forgive me?"

"First tell me what I have to forgive you for and we'll go from there."

"I lied to you. About who brought me home from the bar a couple of weeks ago."

"Why would you do that Edward? I don't understand."

"It was Tanya, Bella, Tanya brought me home. She was at Lou's and I was drinking and she offered to bring me home. I knew I shouldn't be driving so I accepted her offer. I swear nothing happened, She just took home and that was it."

"And last night?"

"I was at Lou's. I was so upset with you leaving I didn't want to have to face you before I was time for you to go. I had just planned on having a few beers, then come home. I must have had too much because when I woke up this morning I was in the back seat of my car. "

"Your car? And you didn't think to call me and ask me to come get you? What the hell Edward?"

"I know Bella, I'm so sorry. Listen, I know I screwed up, but I'm gonna make it up to you. When I come next week.."

"No Edward."

"What do you mean no? I'm meeting up with you next week, that's what he had planned."

"Yes, I mean, no. Aghh. I mean, Yes, that is what we had planned but I don't think that would be such a good idea right now."

"What do you mean not such a good idea? Bella, we need to talk about this in person, not over the phone. I want to come see you, I need to come see you."

"Soon Edward, but not next week. You hurt me. You lied to me and you hurt me. I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you right now."

"Bella, please, don't do this to me. To us."

"I love you Edward, but I don't like you so much right now. I'm tired so I'm going to go to bed. I'll call you tomorrow."

I hung up the phone before he had a chance to respond. My phone rang immediately, it was Edward but I hit the ignore button so it went straight to voice mail. I laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. My phone went over alerting me to his voice mail.

_Avoiding me now are you? Ya know Bella, I know I haven't been the easiest person to be around these past few weeks. I can admit that. But what I don't understand is how you can sit there and act like you have no fault in any of this. I know I fucked up by not telling you that Tanya brought me home. I made a mistake. A mistake that won't happen again. You say you don't want me to be there next weekend, well tough shit. We need to talk and this over the phone bull shit isn't going to work. I will be seeing you next week. You can count on it._

Sooo?

Whatcha think? Please leave a review. They make my day.

Happy Turkey day to all of my fellow Americans!


	20. Pushing You Away

Sorry I haven't updated in a while.

Cancer has once again showed its ugly head in my family and I'm just trying to get a hold of the situation.

Still don't own Twilight~

EPOV

God that woman infuriates me. I can't believe she wouldn't take my calls. I have tried calling her over the week, she would just send my call straight to voice mail. Tanya's been calling me all week. I don't even hesitate to ignore her call. I bet that pisses her off, I could care less.

I head home after work to grab my bags. According to Bella's schedule, she's in Seattle. I get in my car and head off. I have three and a half hours to figure out what the hell I'm going to say to her. I'm not real sure on where to begin, I know I fucked up, I admit that. I know she is going to want to know what I was thinking letting Tanya of all people bring me home, and don't get her started on the night before she left town. God I'm such an idiot. I was just being my usual emo self, I didn't want to face the fact that she was leaving. I didn't want her to go. I still don't want her to go. But here I was, on my way to see my wife who thinks I don't give to shits about her and what she wants in life.

I pull up outside the hotel and give my keys to the valet guy, grab my bag and head inside. As I approach the front desk I see the woman behind the counter give me a once over.

"Can I help you?" she says.

"Yes, can you please tell me which room, my _wife_, Bella Cullen is in?"

"Wife? Really? Hhm, that's interesting." she said as she began to search through the computer.

"Look lady, I just wanna know what room she is in, I'm tired, had a long day, I just want to see my wife ok?" I was getting pissed off.

"She's in room 602. Elevators are to your left." I grab the room key from her and take off towards the elevators.

"Oh, Mr. Cullen?" I stop walking but don't turn around.

"Make sure you tell your _wife, _that there's a message for her friend at the front desk. Tell _him _it is urgent."

Him? Him? Who the hell is Him? I try to get myself to calm down, going up there and blowing up is not going to help this situation or anything else for that matter. I make my way up to her floor and head towards Bella's room. I pause outside the door to gather myself.

I'm expecting the worse as I push my way into the room. I can hear her laugh before I see her, I can't hear anyone else, just her. I stand in the doorway and can see her sitting on the couch, about two feet away from a man, a very good looking man. I'm not afraid to admit it, I know a handsome person when I see one. Her back is to me so her visitor sees me before she does. He has him arm laying on top of the couch, picking at the imaginary string that's bothering him. He doesn't say anything, just sits there like I'm not even in the room.

Ok, jackass, if this is how you want to have this play out, I'm game.

"Bella." I say as I approach her. I caught her off guard because she comes flying off the couch like I've just scared the living daylights out of her.

"Edward, what are you doing here?" she says clutching her had to her chest, trying to get her heart to stop beating so fast.

Her _visitor_ starts to laugh.

"Isabella, It was a pleasure to meet you. I look forward to next weekend." he says while kissing the back of her hand.

"Ok pal, that's enough. I would like to have some time with my _wife _if you don't mind." I say as I wrap my arms around Bella's waist. I feel her stiffen in my arms.

"Not at all. Who wouldn't want to spend time…with Isabella."

Bella must have sensed my uneasiness because she grabs a hold of my hands and holds them tight to her body.

"I will see you next weekend James." she says as she lets go of my arms to usher him out of the room. She locks the door, presses her forehead against the back of hit, takes a few deep breathes and then turns around.

I'm at a loss for words. I just stand there, waiting. Not sure for what, but I'm waiting.

It feels like we are in a staring contest, two people, just…staring.

"Edward" she finally says, "I told you not to come this weekend. I'm very upset with you and I really don't want to see you right now." She steps around me, making her way over to the chair and sits down.

"Would you like for me to leave and go get your new "friend" Bella, I'm sure he would love to come sit with you and talk some more."

"James is the actor I will be working with next weekend for the video shoot. That's all he is Edward, a co-worker. Please don't turn this into something its not."

"For what it's worth Bella, I'm sorry. I was tired of telling you this over the phone, and when you stopped taking my calls, I didn't know what else to do. I didn't cheat on you if that's what you are thinking. That night before you left I passed out in my car. I didn't want you to leave. We have things we need to talk about Bella, I know this, you know this so please don't push me away."

"Push you away? I am pushing you away? Oh that's classic Edward. Real classic. Has it ever occurred to you that I feel like I'm the one doing this on my own? You've been so fucking distant with me Edward, not coming home at night, sleeping on the couch, not answering my phone calls? And, to top it all off you've felt the need to keep this little thing with Tanya a secret? You have some nerve saying I'm pushing you away."

By the time she is done with her little rant, tears are streaming down her face. She gets up from the chair and walks into the bathroom and slams the door.

I cautiously walk over to the door.

"Bella, open the door." Nothing.

"Come on Bella, I'm sorry ok? I'm so sorry, for everything. Can we please talk about this?" I say leaning my head against the door.

"I miss you Bella, I miss us." I shut my eyes tight, I don't want to start crying. I'm so tired of how I'm feeling.

I can hear her walk over to the door but she doesn't open it. I can hear her put her head to the back of the door, but she doesn't say a word.

BPOV

I've never felt so alone in all my life. My husband is here, I've missed him so much. Not only because I haven't been in his presence this past week, but I feel like he isn't _here _with me. God, does that even make sense? I was so upset with him accusing me of pushing him away, I don't feel that I've been doing that at all. He's the one who has been so secretive about what he's doing, where he's going. I'm getting so tired of how I'm feeling.

I know he's right outside the door. I can feel him even though I'm not physically touching him. He says he's sorry, that he misses me, misses us. I know exactly how he's feeling because I miss him too, but I'm not ready to forgive him yet.

"I know you're sorry Edward, and I am too. I just need some time to think about things."

"Come on Bella, you've had all week to think about this."

"Please Edward, just give me some time. I just need some time ok?"

"Whatever Bella, fine, just…fine." I hear him walking away from the door.

"I'm pregnant Edward." I whisper to no one. Knowing he can't hear me.

"And I've never felt more alone."

Please leave a review/comment. Thanks.


	21. Breathe In

Big thanks to all of you who have added this story/me to your favs. It means a lot.

The great and powerful Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight.

Chapter 21

"_I'm pregnant Edward." I whisper to no one. Knowing he can't hear me._

"_And I've never felt more alone." _

BPOV

I'm a coward. I know this because I'm afraid to tell my husband that I am carrying his child. We weren't supposed to get pregnant right away. My doctors highly discouraged it due to what all I've been though. The cancer, the surgery, it took a lot out of me. We were supposed to wait at least a year.

Nope, didn't see this one coming. I don't know how it happened. I mean, well I know _how _it happened, just didn't think _this _would happen.

_It was night that Edward was actually home early from work and not out at the bar. I had just taken a shower and was getting dressed when he walked into the room. My back was turned to him as I was searching in my top drawer to find a pair of pajama pants to wear. Finding the comfy ones from Victoria Secrets I drop my towel to the floor and bend over to put my pants on. I didn't hear him come into the room because the next thing I knew I felt two strong arms wrap around my waist and my body was being picked up and carried over to our bed._

"_Edward, put me down. You'll hurt yourself."_

"_Bella, you do realize you way 110 pounds soaking wet right.?" he says while flopping my body onto the bed while hovering over me._

"_Still, you don't need to be picking me up." I said trying to act like he wasn't having an effect on me._

_He began kissing his way around my body. I will never get tired of this feeling, it was the bet feeling. He literally started from the tip of my head to the bottoms of my feet. He may have taken a few detours in the middle but shit, I wasn't complaining._

"_I need you Edward, like yesterday."_

_He made his way up my body and reached in the drawer to find a condom. We've been using them just as an added precaution, at least until my birth control kicked in._

"_Not tonight Edward. I want to feel all of you. Nothing between us tonight. Please?"_

"_Are you sure Bella?" he said , I could tell by the look on his face that he was more than happy with the idea._

"_Positive." I say. It didn't take him long to line himself up at my entrance and push his way inside. It had been too long since I've felt him this way. There is no feeling like having no barrier between you and the man you are making love to._

"_God Bella you feel so good. I've missed this." he said pushing and pulling his body, me meeting him push for pull._

"_I know baby, I know/" It didn't take long for me to reach my release, the next thing I know I was screaming his name while he kept pounding his glorious cock into my body._

"_I'm so close baby, I need you to come with me." He glided his hand between us to find my swollen clit and began rubbing vigorously._

"_That's is, yes, yes yes Bella, oh god this feels good." _

_I felt his cock twitch inside my body, sending me into another orgasm. I clawed at his back, wanting to hold onto this feeling forever. His body shuddered against mine as he put his body weight on his elbows above me. I kept nudging at his arms, I wanted to feel his entire body against mine. I know he was worried about crushing me, but I love the feeling of all of his weight on me. He finally took my hint and rested his body against mine. He sighed._

"_Are you ok Love?" he murmured into my chest._

"_I'm perfect Edward. Just perfect." _

That was the night we conceived our child. It had to be. No night after that have we ever went without protection. I didn't want to worry Edward but I had a funny feeling the next morning that we shouldn't have went without a condom the night before. Little did I know that funny feeling would turn into way more than what either of us bargained for.

After Edward walked down the hall, I couldn't tell if he had actually left the hotel room or not. I didn't want to face him right now. Maybe he was right, maybe I am pushing him away. I can't explain how I was feeling. Maybe I could blame it on the pregnancy hormones.

I decided to take the chance and opened the door. I stepped out into the hallway and listened for any movement in the next room. There was none. I quickly made my way into the living room of the suite and saw that his bags were still here. I walked over to his suitcase and pulled out one of his shirts. I held it up to my nose and inhaled his scent. God how I've missed his smell. There would be nights we'd be in bed and he'd have his head on my chest, I couldn't help the urge to bury my nose into his hear and just breathe him in. They say that mothers do this with their kids, just breathe them in. **(AN: I do it, not gonna lie, love the smell of my children.)** I guess I'll get to test this theory when our little one gets here.

I sit down on the couch and replay everything that has happened in our lives over the past few months, the cancer, the surgery, my depression, Edward. This promotional tour I'm doing I know isn't helping with my stress. It isn't good for me or for the baby. When I called Dr. Morris to tell her that I was pregnant, I could hear the concern in her voice when she told me congratulations. I just had a few questions that I was hoping she would be able to answer for me. Mostly with having had breast cancer and getting pregnant so soon after. She wasn't able to put all of my fears on the back burner. She just told me that we would have to monitor everything more closer and just keep an eye on me.

I must have fallen asleep.

EPOV

After out little fight, I guess that's what you'd call it, I decided I need to take a walk. She didn't want me here right now and to be quite honest, I didn't want to be here right now either. I took a walk around the hotel, checking out the pool, the gym, and ended up in the bar. I sat down and asked for a beer. The bartender sat it down in front of me. I grabbed the bottle and brought it to my lips. I hesitated. For a brief moment I hesitated.

I took a long swig and sat it back down. I started to peal the label off, one small piece at a time. I started to think about where this all went wrong. Why was I acting this way, treating the love of my life like this. I couldn't figure it out. I didn't take another drink after that. I got up from the barstool and headed back up to the room.

I slipped the card into the door and walked into the living room. Bella was asleep on the couch. I could tell she had been crying, her cheeks were wet and she was breathing out her mouth. I sat down in the chair across from the couch and just watched her sleep. It felt a bit stalkerish but I just needed to be in the same room as her. I made my way over to the couch and kneeled down in front of her. I kissed the top of her head and just inhaled her scent. God how I've missed her smell. There was nothing like it in the world. My mom used to tell me she could just sit with me on her lap and just breathe me in. I always thought this was strange, she would just laugh and tell me to wait until I have kids, then I would know what she was talking about.

I brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen onto her face and tucked it behind her ear. She began to stir. I felt bad for waking her up but I really wanted to see look into her eyes. I kissed her forehead, her eyes, her nose and eventually her lips.

"Bella, wake up please. Let's get you to bed." I stood up and picked her up in my arms.

I walked back into the bedroom and placed her onto the bed. I quickly removed my clothes and crawled into bed with her. She had rolled over on her side, trying to get comfortable. I slid up behind her and molded myself to her body. She let out a big sigh. I could feel her reaching around for my hand. I brought it to hers, she laced our fingers together and placed them over her stomach.

I kissed the back of her head and whispered to her that I was sorry for everything I've done over the past few weeks. I knew this wasn't the fix to all of our problems but it was a start.

Review/comment: Those are the best.


	22. Feel My Love

Many thanks for the reviews and adds:

Stephanie Meyer owns Twilight.

Chapter 22

BPOV

Warmth, that's what I was feeling. Edward's body was wrapped around mine. Our legs intertwined, his arms wrapped around by waist, hand laying on my abdomen. I could imagine this months from now, when my belly was swollen with our child. I rolled over, trying not to wake him. Last night was exhausting. And being pregnant on top of that just made me more tired.

I gently pushed a piece of hair that fallen onto his forehead off his face. God this man was gorgeous. Everything about him was sexy, at least to me it was, even the slight bump in his nose was cute. I reached up and placed a small kiss on his chin and snuggled my head on his chest. Edward's hands began to move up and down my back, sending tingles throughout my entire body. I shivered.

"You cold love?" he asked while placing a kiss on the top of my head.

"No, I'm just fine. Thanks though." I said kissing his chest.

"I'm sorry Edward. Sorry for how I reacted yesterday. I've just been so stressed out with some things and I took it out on you. I'm sorry."

"Hey, hey look at me." he said nudging by head up so that I would look at his face.

"If anyone needs to apologize it will be me. I've been such a fool Bella. I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. Please tell me that we are ok."

"We will be ok. I promise." I knew now was the time to tell him about the pregnancy. I couldn't keep this from him any longer.

"There's something that I have to tell you. And I'm afraid of how you'll react."

"What is it Bella? It sounds pretty serious. You know that you can tell me anything right?"

"I know this Edward, its just, what I'm about to tell you changes everything."

"Ok, I'm listening."

"I'm, um….I'm pregnant."

Silence.

Silence.

Ok, he's not saying anything and he's not moving. I see his chest rising so I know he's breathing. That's good. That means I didn't kill him with this news. That's good.

"Edward. Please say something. You've beginning to scare me here."

All of the sudden he was up off the bed, pacing back and forth, hand running through his hair, pulling it to its ends.

"You're pregnant? You are pregnant.. God, you're pregnant. Bella, this isn't good."

Ok, telling your pregnant wife that one, being pregnant is not a good thing and two, not acting the teensy bit happy is bad. Bad, bad terrible actually.

I burst into tears. And ran from the room. Again. This time, I didn't look back.

EPOV

She's pregnant. Yes, we've established that. And I open my mouth and say one, no I say **THE **most unthinkable thing. I tell her this isn't a good thing. What the fuck was I thinking?

I watched as she ran out the room, I couldn't get my feet to move. Hearing her say those two words changed everything. We knew the risks of her getting pregnant so soon after her cancer. Her body still needed to heal. There is a million and one questions running though my head and the only one who could answer those questions just left the room.

By the time my body caught up with my brain, I was too late. I ran out to the hallway, looked both directions and couldn't hear or see any sign of her. I wonder where she went. I went back into the room and tried calling her cell phone, only to hear it go off from inside her purse. Shit. I grab the other room key and set off to find my wife. I have some major ass kissing to do.

I kept thinking of all the things I had to tell her, I was scared to death to think of the risks and complications that could arise with this pregnancy. We had just went though one traumatic experience, I couldn't imagine or even begin to think of what could happen, to Bella and our baby. _Our _baby. That thought just seems so foreign to me.

I walked down to the lobby and realized there was a hardly anyone around. I went up to the front desk and was thankful there was another worker there. I don't think I could have dealt with the over friendly worker from before.

"Um, excuse me sir, I'm looking for my wife and I believe she may have come though here." I looked at him, saying a silent prayer she went through here.

He looked me up and down and nodded his head towards the bar.

"Thanks man." I said as I walked towards the doors. When I opened them, I could hear music being played. I walked further into the room and noticed she was sitting at the piano, her fingers moving across the keys at a slow pace. My heart ached seeing her up there. I knew she was sad, I caused this, and it made me sick to my stomach. I didn't know if I should approach her just yet so I stayed back, listening to her sing.

_When the rain is blowing in your face_

_And the whole world is in your face_

_I could offer you a warm embrace_

_To make you feel my love._

_When the evening shadows and the stars appear_

_And there's no one there to dry your tears_

_I could hold you for a million years_

_To make you feel my love_

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet_

_But I would never do you wrong_

_I've known it from the moment that we met_

_No doubt in my mind where you belong_

_I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue_

_I'd go crawling down the avenue_

_No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do_

_To make you feel my love_

_The storms are raging on the rolling sea_

_And on the highway of regret _

_The winds of change are blowing wild and free_

_You ain't seen nothing like me yet_

_I could make you happy make your dreams come true_

_Nothing that I wouldn't do_

_Go to the ends of the earth for you_

_To make you feel my love_

_To make you feel my love_

After the last notes were played I saw her bring her hand to her stomach and just hold it there. At that moment, I knew that there wasn't anything in this world that I wanted more. I wanted this. God I wanted this.

I slowly made my way over to her.

"Bella?"

She brought her eyes up to mine. I could see so many emotions running though them, the fear, the unknown.

She got up from the piano bench and walked over to me. She grabbed my hands and placed them on her stomach.

"I know this isn't what we had planned Edward. Believe me, I was just as shocked as you are.. But we are having a baby. A child we created because we love each other. I need you to be here for me. I need you to be here for _us._"

Her eyes were glistening with unshed tears. I bent my knees so we were eye to eye.

"You are everything to me. I can't imagine something happening to you. I'm sorry my first reaction wasn't the one it should have been. I am happy Bella, God I am so fucking happy right now." I kissed her with all love that I had.

AN:

First and foremost I wanted to apologize to everyone who has been reading this story. Real life has been really hard since the first of the year. I lost 2 family members and 2 friends all within a month of each other, 3 due to some form of cancer. I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this story and I write when the mood hits. I understand if some are upset that I don't post regularly, all I have to say to that is, I'm sorry.


	23. Keeping a Secret

Can't believe I have people adding this story to their favorites, I'm truly honored.

I forgot to give props to the song "To Make You Feel My Love"- I had the Adele version in my head when I was writing the chapter. Though Garths isn't too bad either.

Sadly, I don't own. Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyers~

Chapter 23

BPOV

Time seems to be flying by. It seems it was just yesterday I was breaking the news to Edward that we are going to have a baby. Now here I am, 5 months pregnant. I've visited my OB doctor every month, seen my Oncologist more times than I care to. Edward's been a saint throughout all of this. Whoever said it was just morning sickness is full of shit. I have morning, noon and night sickness. The worse part is I don't throw up. I'm just sick to my stomach all day and night. I've lost more weight than I've gained. This has everyone concerned. I was almost put in the hospital because I wouldn't eat. They threatened me, told me if I didn't try to at least eat a little something I would have to be admitted. It wasn't good for me or the baby.

The baby. Oh boy…or girl. We've debated on whether we want to find out what we are having. I'm not sure I want to, Edward is all for it.

We were on our way to the doctor's office for my check up, trying to make up our minds on the whole finding out thing.

When we walked into the waiting room, people began to whisper. I wasn't really well known in the music industry. My album was out, the songs were played but with all that's been going on, the promotional aspects were pushed aside. Before I made the announcement that we were expecting, I did a few interviews, small shows here and there. The label was very supportive of my decision on taking it easy.

My name was called right away. I don't see why it's necessary to have ones name blasted over the loud speaker. So much for being incognito.

We were ushered into the ultrasound room. The nurse told me to pull my shirt up and pants down to my thighs as I climbed onto the table. Easier said than done when you're pregnant. Luckily Edward was there with me, I've always been a little clumsy, now, its just ridiculous.

The ultrasound tech came into the room and did a double take when she saw who I was. Thankfully she kept it very professional, I mean, it's a little awkward anyways with my belly all on display, like I needed her to go fan crazy on me.

She squirted the gel on my belly and began with ultrasound. After a few measurements and listening to the heartbeat, she asked us if we wanted to know the sex of our baby.

Still undecided, I turned my head and looked at Edward. His face was glued to the monitor. I didn't have it in my heart to deny him this.

"Yes please".

Edward turned his head towards me, "Are you sure Bella? I know you weren't positive."

I grabbed his hand, placed it on my beating heart and shook my head yes. I didn't trust myself to speak at that time.

"Well then, " the tech said. "Let's find out."

She moved the wand over my belly.

"Ok, here's the head…..the nose….the eyes…..the mouth.." she said as she continued to make her way down my stomach.

"And here is where we can tell what you are having. Do either one of you want to take a guess? Its pretty obvious." she said with a chuckle.

Edward gripped onto my hand a little tighter. I knew he had said he didn't care what we were having, as long as its healthy but I could see the tears forming in his eyes.

We are having a….

EPOV

Girl. A little girl. Oh god we are having a girl. I've already started to form a plan in my mind of how I keep her away from the outside world.

A little boy, I could handle, teach him how to do boy things, play ball, ride a bike. You know, boy things.

But a little girl? God this changes everything. First thing, she isn't dating, like, ever.

I kissed Bella, probably a little inappropriate for where we were, but shit, I just found out we're having a little girl, I'm a little emotional. Sue me.

The tech handed us pictures of our little one and told us the doctor would be in to see us shortly.

As soon as she left the room Bella was on me quicker than I ever thought a pregnant woman could move.

"Um Bella, not that I don't like this.." I say trying to pry her off my lap, "But I don't think this is the time nor the place for this."

"Shut it Edward and just kiss me will ya?" Hell, who am I to deny the pregnant one.

We made out for what seems life forever until we heard a throat clear.

"Sorry…I um, we were just a little excited with the news." I said helping Bella off my lap.

"That's ok, I've walked in on worse…trust me."

"Everything looks good, I'll see you back here next month." she said handing us the folder.

Walking out of the doctor's office we decided that we weren't going to tell anyone the sex of the baby. To keep it to ourselves. Would our family drive us crazy wanting to know? Probably. Would Alice try and make Bella feel bad about keeping it a secret? Almost guaranteed. Do we care? Hell no.

Sorry for the late update.


	24. Hurt

Chapter 24

EPOV

Time. Where has the time gone? Trying to convince our family that we didn't want to share the sex of the baby until it was born was a task. Just as expected Alice gave us the hardest time. She wanted to decorate the nursery and insisted that she of all people had to know because of this. Yeah Alice, not happening.

A month before her due date a surprise baby shower was given to Bella at my parents house. She had said for months she didn't want a traditional shower, she wanted everyone to be involved, even us guys. Oh boy.

To say it was a little extreme would be putting it lightly. I could tell Bella was not feeling well, she hadn't been for the past few weeks. She was just tired all the time, but considering she was 8 months pregnant I guess it was to be expected. During the entire shower she had a forced smile on her face. I could tell she didn't want other people to tell she wasn't feeling good, she always put others first.

I made my way over to her as she was talking to a friend of my mothers.

"Bella, why don't we go sit down and rest for a while. You've been on your feet the entire time we've been here." I say as I guide her towards the couch in the sun room.

"I'm fine Edward, really. Just tired that's all." We sit down on the couch and I pull her shoes off and place her feet in my lap. She lays her head back on the pillow and within minutes she's out. Rose comes in and asks if everything was ok, I tell her yes, that she just needed to rest for a while. I knew the added stress of the shower was taking its toll on Bella, I could only hope it wasn't too much for the baby.

BPOV

This shower, I'm dreading the shower. I don't like being the center of attention. Strange I know since I'm the "rock star" as Emmett put its. When I'm on stage its different, I become someone else then. When its just me, with this huge baby bump, I would rather not be noticed. I've been having aches all morning. I haven't told anyone. I knew Edward suspected I wasn't feeling the greatest, it was as if he sensed it. I was talking to a friend of his mothers with the fakest smiled plastered across my face. I was having a contraction and I was sure my knuckles were turning white from the grip I had on the bottle of water in my hand. The contraction ended and I saw Edward make his way over to me, telling me I needed to go rest. I didn't argue, I was beat.

We went into the sun room and laid down on the couch. I was out in a matter of minutes to only be woken up in what feel like seconds to the most painful feeling I've ever felt. I've dealt with cancer and this pain was in a league of its own. I sat up immediately grabbing onto the back of the couch.

"Edward. Edward, wake up. Something's wrong." I say trying to shake my sleeping husband.

"What? What is it Bella?" He opened his eyes and must have noticed the panic look on my face. "Bella? Are you ok? What's wrong?"

"I'm having contractions Edward, have been all day, this last one was a strong one."

"All day? What the fuck Bella? Why didn't you tell me?" He sounded a little upset. I guess he had every right to be but this was not the time for him to get all pissed off at me. I know I should have said something earlier but I thought I was having those Braxton Hicks things, not thinking it was a big deal. I explained this all to him but it didn't seem to matter.

"We've got to get you to the hospital. You are 4 weeks early Bella. We, we just need to call the doctor and see what we need to do ok?" He get up from the couch and yells for Esme.

She come running into the room, asking if everything is ok. When he tells her about the contractions she comes over to me and sits beside me, rubbing my lower back. I can hear him on the phone with my doctor explaining the tiredness, the pains I've been feeling all day. By the way he is responding I know that I am on the way to the hospital.

Edward walks back into the room and tells me we have to go. I go to stand up and feel pressure, another contraction hits and I double over from the pain. Edward picks me up and carries me out to the car. By this time, I'm a crying mess. I'm terrified.

We arrive at the hospital and I'm quickly sent up to the labor and delivery floor. My doctor is already there. I'm put into a gown and told to lay down on the bed. I do as I'm told. Doctor comes into the room and asks me the basic questions, how long have I been feeling the pain, how far a part are they, etc. etc. She tells me to scoot my butt to the end of the bed and put my legs in the stirrups.

She tells me I'm only dilated about a fingertip width and that it may be a long night. Edward is there with me, holding my hand the entire home. They hook me up to all kinds of machines and bring in an ultrasound machine. As the tech is doing the ultrasound I can see a concerned look on her face. She tells us she's going to get the doctor and will be right back. Just as soon as she leaves they return, the doctor does her own ultrasound and has the same look on her face.

"Well Bella, the baby looks ok, the only concern I have is your amniotic fluid is low."

"What does that mean exactly?" Edward speaks up.

"Well, that means we need to get you on a Pitocin drip and hopefully you'll start to progress more."

"And if she doesn't?"

"We'll cross that bridge when the time comes. Now, the nurse will be in to get that IV started. Try not to stress Bella." she says as she pats my knee and walks out the room.

Try not to stress? TRY not to stress? Is she fucking kidding me? I'm beyond stress, I'm so stressed I can feel a headache coming on, As soon as she leaves I burst into tears.

"I'm so sorry Edward, I didn't think I was going into labor when the pains started. I'm so sorry. What if something happens to the baby?"

He sits down on the bed and pulls me into his arms. He doesn't say anything, just holds me. By his silence, I know he's thinking, About what? I don't know.

The nurse came in about 3 hours ago to start the drip. Ever since then my contractions have stopped. Yes, you heard me, they stopped . One nurse kept asking me if I felt the contractions because the monitor was showing I was having them, but I wasn't feeling anything. I was checked again and was told that I still hadn't dilated more than a fingertip width. The doctor came in and said she wanted to break my water to move things along. Excuse me? Break my water? With what exactly is the thought running through my head.

I shouldn't have asked because the next thing I knew, Doc had this needle looking thing, telling me to pull my knees up and let them fall to the side so I was spread eagle.

I started to hyperventilate.

"Bella, look at me love. Look in my eyes, focus on me ok? You are doing an amazing job. I can wait to meet our daughter. Focus on me."

I could see his eyes every once in a while dart down to the doctor between my legs. It was so uncomfortable, I couldn't help but let the tears fall.

She stood up from her spot between my legs to tell me she isn't able to break my water, and that she isn't able to put an internal monitor in because I haven't dialted enough. She checked the monitor and decided that I needed to have a c-section as the baby was beginning to show signs of stress. With my amniotic fluid being low and the time waiting, it's adding stress to the baby and she needed to come out.

The next thing I knew there were nurses flying in and out of the room. I was shaven, poked and prodded and was wheeled into the operating room.

Edward was told he had to stay behind at first so I can be given the spinal and so he could get into some scrubs. He gave me a kiss and told me he loved me. I don't think I'd spoken a word since the doctor told me I was having the c-section. Having a spinal was the weirdest thing, crazy how I couldn't feel a damn thing. It's a good thing I know considering I was about to be cut open.

We were ready to go, Edward had come into the room and was sitting beside me. The doctor told us everything that was going on, telling me when I would feel pressure and so on. I could feel when the baby was pulled from my stomach, but I couldn't hear her cry.

"Why isn't she crying?" I asked, the tears beginning to fall. I tried to look up at Edward but he was fixated on what the doctor was doing.

I could hear suction noises, " We don't want her to cry quite yet" the doctor said. Um, ok, I thought that was a little weird.

Edward looked down at me, placed a kiss on my forehead. "She's going to be alright."

The baby was wrapped up in a blanket and I got to see her for what seems like 5 seconds.

"We've got to take her to the special care nursery Bella. She had a bowel movement while still inside and inhaled it, that's why we didn't want her to cry at first. I had to suction out her lungs. We need to make sure she's ok."

I didn't even get to hold my baby. I saw a glance of her as they were taking her away. I didn't even get to tell her I love her before they took her. I felt like the worst mother in the world. I was put back together and taken into the recovery room. I had to stay there for a while, to make sure I was ok. Edward had went to get our parents, to let them know what is going on.

I couldn't speak, I was in shock. I couldn't imagine what was going on with her, why was this happening? I just didn't understand.

After about an hour I was taken into a room, a room I had to share with another mother. The delivery floor was full so they were doubling up when needed. This was the worst thing ever. Sitting there in my bed, watching another new mom kiss and hug on her baby, why were they doing this to me? I began to get upset, nothing Edward or my parents could say to me would calm me down. The nurses came in and also tried but nothing worked. One nurse told me if I didn't calm down she was going to have to sedate me.

I lost it.

"Are you kidding me? Are you fucking serious right now? You put me in a god damn room with another woman, knowing damn well what is going on with my little girl and you tell me that I need to calm down? Well, fuck you lady." I was pissed. Edward was trying, he really was but I could see the hurt in his eyes. I just wanted my baby. I didn't think that was too much to ask for.

The doctor came in and told me they were going to give me something to help calm me down. She apologized for having to be in a room with another family and said I should have had a private room all along.

After I was placed into another room the pediatric specialist came in and explained everything that was going on. He told us all of the tests she was going to have to go through to make sure everything was ok.

We were told she was going to have to be in the hospital for at least 2 weeks as she will have to be on a high dosage of antibiotics because of the meconium she ingested. The nurse came into the room asking Edward to fill out some paperwork.

"We have to give you little girl a name. Have you two thought of a name for her?"

Edward took the papers from the nurses hands and began filling them out.

Name: Harper Elizabeth Cullen

* * *

Thanks.


	25. Up All Night

I'm struggling with this story…so many ideas are running though my head right now. I know it's been forever since I've updated. Not even going to try to come up with an excuse. Any who…for those that are still with me…thanks…from the bottom of my heart. For any new followers out there, enjoy the ride….it's about to get bumpy.

I do not own….you all know who does. J

BPOV

_Big time jump:_

Harper was about to turn 6 months old. I still have a hard time believing I am her mother. She is a little version of myself when I was younger. Brown hair and all.

Edward, where do I begin with that subject. Things between us, are just, I can't even describe it right now. I thought we would be in a world of bliss, maybe it's the lack of sleep, maybe it me getting ready to start on a new album. I know it stresses us both out, but I can't keep putting my career on hold. The label has been the greatest giving me time off when I was sick and now with the baby. I don't expect Edward to quit his job to follow me across the country, but I can't imagine him and Harper not being with me. Am I selfish to ask him to do this for me? I have thought about hiring a nanny for the road. But that doesn't solve the problem with him.

He was out with the guys tonight. He said he needed a break. All we do is fight lately, everything seems like it's a competition. We can turn the smallest things into the biggest arguments. I'm beginning to feel that I have a roommate, no longer a husband.

Our sex life has been non existent after having Harper. Crazy right? We used to be all over each other, now its like we can't even be in the same room without wanting to rip each others heads off instead of the each others clothes. I miss those days.

Its almost two o'clock in the morning before Edward gets home. He's drunk. Shocking.

I try to pretend that I'm asleep, have my back to him. I'm so pissed off right now I could scream. Harper had been up all night, I'm not sure what her deal was but I just got her back to sleep. Little bugger didn't want to sleep for mommy. I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep. Edward had other ideas.

I felt him slip into the bed and could feel his nakedness as he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. I had so desperately wanted this connection with him again, but not like this, not him being drunk. This isn't how I pictured us being together for the first time since our little girl has been born, I wanted romantic and sweet. Not sloppy and fast.

"I'm tired Edward. Haper's been up all night, I'm just not up for it." I said into the darkness. He didn't respond. Just let out a big sigh, got out of bed and left the room. Or should I say stumbled out of the room. As soon as the door shut I broke down crying. It seems that is all I do lately. I don't know how much more I can take. I'm not sure how much more we could take.

Sorry so short~ Hope you like. Let me know.


	26. I Can't Get No Satisfaction

Still don't own Twilight….just thought you should know.

Thank you to all who reviewed or added this story/me to your favs.

EPOV

I came home drunk. Not just a little drunk, I mean the kind of drunk where you did stupid shit or said stupid shit that you learned to regret in the morning. I went out tonight, drank my sorrows in whiskey, went home and tried to fuck my wife. Tried being the key word.

Our sex life sucked. And not in a good way, believe me I wish she would suck…never mind, I'm getting off track. After going out I came home with the hopes of getting laid. I know, I know I need to romance her, I need to woo her, but damn it had been a while, since before Harper was born and I needed to feel her again.

Bella and I seemed to fight more now than ever and it was really bugging me. I'm not sure how much more we can take. So when I came home and saw that she was already in bed I thought this would be the perfect time. On my way up to our room I didn't seem to notice the baskets of clothes that needed to be folded or the sink full of dirty dishes that needed to be put into the dishwasher. I had one goal and one goal only, to have sex with my wife.

Imagine my drunken surprise when I try to initiate sex with Bella. Turned down, like always. I left the room and didn't even say anything. I knew it was pointless. As soon as I shut the door I heard her start to cry. Did I feel bad? Sure. Was I too drunk to care at that point? Yup.

I stumbled downstairs to the couch. I was so keyed up from thinking about being inside Bella I could feel my erection straining against my zipper. Needing a release I pushed my jeans down my legs along with my boxers and my cock sprung free. I fisted myself and slowly began to move my hand up and down my shaft. It wasn't Bella's pussy but it felt good. Nothing felt as good as Bella. I pulled out my cell phone in search of a few pictures I have on there that Bella allowed me to take. She swore if I ever showed them to anyone she would cut my dick off. I was rather fond of my dick so I didn't want to piss her off.

I found my favorite picture of her, she's laid out on the bed with just her panties on. She's biting on her thumb nail with her other hand inside her panties. She's looking directly into the camera and I could feel the waves of lust coming off of her. I grip myself harder and notice my pace is starting to pick up. I flip through my pictures and come across one I swore I got rid of. Tanya. This picture was different, it was a picture she took of the both of us, laying in bed together. I stopped stroking myself and just stared at the picture. I love my wife, love her more than anything but those times with Tanya will be something I will never forget. Would I ever tell Bella that? Fuck no, are you crazy? She would kill me knowing I had this picture. I needed to get this off of my phone and fast. I hit the button and closed my phone. Set it down beside me. I looked down at my not so hard cock and let out a laugh. I can't seem to get any relief. I didn't want to sneak back in the bedroom so I just laid down on the couch and passed out.

It wasn't until I woke up the next morning from Harper's crying that I realized how much my head hurt. I opened my eyes and let them adjust to the sunlight. I swore to myself I would never drink again. I felt awful. I went to sit up and realized Bella was sitting in the chair across from the couch. Crying. With my cell phone in her hand.


	27. Just You and Me

Twilight does not belong to me.  
Thanks for the all of you who added this story and took the time to review. I hope I didn't upset anyone with the last chapter.

BPOV

Waking up with a headache is never a good thing. Waking up with one knowing I had to deal with the aftermath from last night? Even worse. I decided while getting Harper dressed that I was going to call Alice to see if she could watch her for a little while. Edward and I really needed to talk about everything that has been going on. I miss my husband terribly and I wanted this to work and not become another statistic.

As I went downstairs I could see Edward laying on the couch. Walking over to him I placed Harper in her pack-n-play. I sat on the edge of the couch just watching him sleep. The man was beautiful. Even in his drunken mess he took my breath away. I saw his phone laying on the floor so I decided to call Alice. When I looked down at the screen I was at a loss for words. Staring back at me was a picture.

EPOV

When I realized she was holding my phone and crying, I panicked. My mind automatically went to the picture I should never had on my phone in the first place. I sat up immediately and grabbed the phone from her. The tears were still running down her face. "Bella, I'm sorry, let me explain, please let me explain."

"Explain what Edward?" she said as she wiped the tears from her cheeks.

I looked down at my phone and the picture there was of Bella. The one with her on the bed. Oh thank God. I quickly scrolled through the other picture to make sure the one of Tanya and I was gone and it was.

"Why are you crying Bella?" I pulled her into my arms.

"Just remembering happier times that's all. I want those times back Edward. What is happening to us?" I couldn't answer her because I didn't have one. I didn't have an excuse and certainly didn't want to give her some bullshit.

"I don't know love, but I want us back too." I said placing a kiss on her forehead.

"I'm gonna call Alice and see if she will watch Harper for a while, overnight maybe. Does that sound good to you?" God did it ever.

"Yeah, why don't you call her and tell her we will drop her off if that's ok. We can go on a date. Just you and me."

She agreed to call Alice. I went over and picked Harper up from the pack-n-play and gave her kisses all over her face and belly.

"We're going to get thought this little one. I promise." I walked upstairs with Harper, going to pack her a bag. Daddy has some serious ass kissing to do.


	28. Lost Myself

Thanks to those who've reviewed and added this story to their alerts….greatly appreciated.

Don't own Twilight~ but Twilight owns me.

BPOV

Harper was with Alice, she was more than happy to take her for the night. I couldn't tell who was more excited, Alice or Harper. They both squealed when they saw each other.

I was on the way back home when the butterflies kicked in. Why was I so worried, this is Edward we are talking about.

I pulled into the driveway and could tell all the lights were out in the house, expect in our bedroom. I quickly got out of the card and made my way upstairs. I opened the door to the bedroom and the sight before be took my breath away. Candles were lit everywhere, on every flat surface in the room.

Edward was sitting at the end of the bed, wearing only a pair of boxers, the black pair he knows I love so much. He has his elbows on his knees, his hands running thought his hair. He didn't hear me come in. I walked over to him, slowly stripping my clothes off as I made my way over to him.

I stood before him, completely naked. I was a little nervous, this is the fist time we've been this intimate since little one was born. What if he didn't find me attractive anymore, what if I didn't turn him on like I used to. I began to panic, shifting back and forth, biting on my thumb nail, a nervous habit I've always had. I was so lost in thought I didn't realize Edward had been standing in front of me.

"Beautiful" was all he said before his lips crashed to mine.

EPOV

God she was gorgeous, standing there before me with nothing on. I didn't even hear her come into the room. I was waiting for her to come home from Alice's, nervous, why I couldn't really tell you. This was Bella we are talking about, the love of my life, the mother of my little one, the most important person in the world to me. I shouldn't be nervous, and I no longer was, once she was standing before me.

I crashed my lips to hers, holding her head close to mine, my hands gripping the side of her face, kissing her with all the passion I had left in me. I loved this woman, so so much.

I turned us around and gently pushed her back onto the bed. She laid back, propped up on her elbows, her left leg stretched out with her right leg bent to the side, giving me a view that made me weak in the knees. I slowly slid my boxers down, never taking my eyes off of her.

She broke her gaze first, taking in my body and my hard cock that was only that way because of her. She sat up from her position on the bed and took me in her hand, slowly moving it up and down my shaft. I let out a long breath I didn't know I was holding and let my head fall back.

"God I've missed your touch love, so so much." I couldn't take it anymore, I quickly pushed her back onto the bed and crawled on top of her, pushing her legs apart.

She gasped as I kissed my way across her body. I started at the top, licked between her breasts, taking her nipples in my mouth. I moved down further kissing around her bellybutton. She giggled as I began to run my tongue over her hip bones.

I looked up at her, the smallest smile graced her face.

"I love you Edward, more than anything."

I smiled back at her, mouthed that I loved her too and continued my way down to the place I've neglected long enough. I ran my finger tip around her clit, blowing softly, causing her to squirm around on the bed. I gently held her hips down with my arms and brought my mouth to where my finger had been. Nipping at her clit, sucking on it with a tenderness I knew drove her crazy. I slipped a finger into her slowly, moving it in and out of her body and quickly added another finger, bringing her to orgasm.

I kissed the inside of her thighs, she grabbed my arms and pulled me up her body. I was so hard for her, I couldn't help but grind my dick into the bed when I was eating her out, I hadn't been this close to her for months, I felt I was dying with anticipation.

She kissed my face, licking her juices off my chin. Most woman didn't like tasting themselves, not Bella, it drove her crazy to see my face shining from the evidence of her orgasm all over me.

I placed by dick at her opening and pushed into her body. I couldn't move, I finally felt home. She wrapped her legs around my hips and pushed on my ass to start moving. Who was I to deny the woman beneath me, so I pushed, pushed until we were sliding up the bed, damn these silk sheets. I looked down at her, we didn't need words, our bodies were saying everything we needed to say. I love you, I need you but most importantly, I'm sorry, for everything.

I pulled out of her, flipped her onto her stomach and pulled her ass into the air. I loved her ass, I pushed into her from behind. She put her arms out, stretched out, bracing herself against the headboard. When I pushed into her, I could feel her pushing back into me, the small gasps and yeses falling from her mouth drove me insane.

"Harder Edward, I need you harder." she said as I began to pick up the pace. I was gripping her hips, could feel myself losing control in all that was Bella. I pounded into her, praying I wasn't going to leave bruises but at that point, I was beyond stopping. I could feel her grip me tighter and tighter as her orgasm ran through her body. I few more pumps and I was lost, closing my eyes, letting the feeling of being with her like this consume me. I kissed her back, feeling her shiver as I kissed the side of her neck.

"I love you Bella, please don't ever doubt that. Never, ever doubt that."

I pulled her close to me, holding onto her tightly.

We fell asleep in each others arms. Creating more that just a memory.


	29. Open My Eyes

No excuse as to why I haven't updated. Sorry.

We sat there, waiting for her name to be called. We couldn't believe this was happening, again.

"And the winner for album of the year is…..Isabella Swan."

She won, Bella had won.

I watched her walk up the stairs to accept the award.

" Wow, um, thank you so much for this. You know, growing up I always wanted one of these?" she says while holding up the award.

"This night is bitter-sweet for my family. It's been a rough year. A really rough year." she wipes the tears as they make their way down her cheeks.

"Someone once told me that life isn't easy, things aren't going to fall in your lap, you have to work hard at what you want, to achieve what you want, and I believe winning this award proves that if you put your mind to it, anything is possible. Winning this award tonight not only means a lot to me but to my entire family. There are so many people I need to thank for this, but I can't seem to remember them all. Sorry. So um, yeah, again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you."

She walks of stage with the help of some upcoming music star. He whispers words in her ear and she leans her head on his shoulder. She doesn't come back to her seat right away. I begin to worry. I see her making her way back to me. She sits down beside me and grabs my hand.

I whisper in her ear. "How are you holding up?

She looks up at me and there are tears in her eyes.

"I'm ok daddy, I just miss her so much."

"I do to Harper. She would have been so proud of you up there you know that right?"

"Yeah, I just wish she could have been here."

We look up at the stage where the host has some back on. He looks down at my family and gives us a nod. It was time.

"On September 15 , Isabella Swan passed away after a long battle with cancer. As many of you know she had fought this horrible disease for many many years. Her family would like to thank everyone for their support and kind words. Isabella Swan, this is for you."

He turns towards the giant screen and we hear Bella's music begin. Flashes of pictures are shown, smiles, tears, many memories I had forgotten about.

"I'm gonna live my life  
Like every day's the last  
Without a simple goodbye  
It all goes by so fast

And now that you've gone  
I can't cry hard enough  
No, I can't cry hard enough  
For you to hear me now

Gonna open my eyes  
And see for the first time  
I let go of you like  
A child letting go of his kite

There it goes, up in the sky  
There it goes, beyond the clouds  
For no reason why  
I can't cry hard enough  
No, I can't cry hard enough  
For you to hear me now

Gonna look back in vain  
And see you standing there  
When all that remains  
Is an empty chair  
And now that you've gone

I can't cry hard enough  
No, I can't cry hard enough  
For you to hear me now

There it goes, up in the sky  
There it goes, beyond the clouds  
For no reason why  
I can't cry hard enough  
No, I can't cry hard enough  
For you to hear me now  
And now that you've gone  
I can't cry hard enough  
No, I can't cry hard enough  
For you to hear me now"

Long after the show was over, I sat there in my seat, I couldn't find it in my heart to get up and leave. Her picture was frozen, up there on the screen, as a memorial to my wife, my loving, beautiful, amazing wife. No one had thought after 15 years of being cancer free that we would be where we are today. No one expected her to come down with a cold and end up in the hospital after weeks of not getting better only to discover the cancer had come back in full force. Her album, her last album, had just been released three months earlier, she was going to go on tour over the summer, taking Harper along with her. Now she would never get the chance.

Isabella Marie Swan Cullen died in the early morning of September 15, surrounded by her husband, Edward Cullen, daughter, Harper Cullen and son, Miles Cullen. She will never be forgotten and will be terribly missed by those who loved her, not only as a mother, wife, daughter, but as a person who dedicated their life to music. May her memory live in our hearts.

Song: Can't Cry Hard Enough by The Williams Brothers


End file.
